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Bernie Sanders
  • Rep. Spencer Bachus Sees Red Congresspeople

    Oh no! Have you heard?!

    Our legislative branch of government has become infested… with SOCIALISTS!!!

    [Rep. Spencer Bachus] Bachus, the usually soft-spoken ranking Republican on the House Financial Services Committee, surprised a Birmingham News reporter last week by claiming there are 17 "socialists" in Congress.

    When asked for specifics, Bachus named only one legislator — Sanders, a self-described "democratic socialist," whose vision of a socialist safety net is more Stockholm than Stalingrad.

    Bachus' spokesman hasn't responded to numerous requests from Politico to name the other 16 lawmakers.

    So what?! Bachus can't or won't name the other 16 socialists in Congress. That doesn't mean they don't exist. When my old apartment back in Philly became infested with mice, I didn't learn all of their names. Just, like, a few of them.

    And you know what? That community of mice, with all their huddling together for warmth and sharing food and relying on one another for survival. Turned out they were socialists, too. That's why I didn't mind exterminating them; I felt it was my patriotic duty.

    I tell you what Rep. Bachus should do is leave a mix a little chlorophacinone into a proposed bill for increased governmental oversight of corporations and then leave it behind the congressional refrigerator. Its effects come about very slowly, so the socialists won't learn to associate them with the populist policies.

    Only problem is the congressional halls can get pretty rank if you're not diligent about cleaning them out afterward.

    Tags: Alabama, Bernie Sanders, House of Representatives, Senate, Socialism, Spencer Bachus, Vermont
  • Inauguration Night Life: The Duds

    In the final installment of our inaugural celebrity series, we'd like to draw your attention to some of the less desirable dignitaries milling around Washington in the past few days.

    Some were recalled from office. Some were reviled by everyone in America who isn't currently listening to an audiobook of Ann Coulter's Godless (narrated by Sean Hannity) at this very moment. And some were just plain rude to us, so we're getting them back right now.

    You've probably heard of Karl Rove, or as George W. Bush calls him, "Turd Blossom." Like his right-wing compatriot Rush Limbaugh, Rove is a fat, bald, bowling pin-shaped man who gets a lot of airtime on Fox News. Although we'd like to think that Rush is better at giving "bunny ears" to liberal bloggers who pose with him at the Apple Store in Bethesda.

    Former California Governor Gray Davis holds the rare distinction of being recalled from office in favor of a steroid-popping, breast groping, Sinbad-co-starring former actor. Arnold Schwarzenegger has racked up a $40 billion budget deficit with two years left in his term, and he still has a higher approval rating than Davis did. That said, Governor Davis and his wife were very nice.

    Up until this week, we were big fans of Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-VT). When he wasn't embarrassing his neighbors with his messy lawn, he was storming through the Smithsonian, advocating for truthfulness in museum placards about George W. Bush. But our fandom meant nothing to him, as he blew past us at the GE/NBC party, despite his friendly wife wanting to chat.

    It seems that Sen. Sanders was in a rush to go stand by himself in the corner and awkwardly talk to no one. Jerk.

    Tags: Bernie Sanders, California, Inauguration, Karl Rove, Washington DC
  • George Bush's Presidential Portrait Accused of Lying

    Underneath the 43rd President's portrait in the Smithsonian's National Portrait Gallery, lies an explanatory captions that "states that Bush's term was marked by 'the attacks on September 11, 2001, that led to wars in Afghanistan and Iraq.'"

    That, to me, seems like one of the more kindly captions they could have come up with.

    But Vermont's Independent Senator Bernie Sanders seems to have some objections to it, simply because it lacks any sort of truthful veracity. In fact, he feels so strongly that he wrote to the Smithsonian to complain

    When President Bush and Vice President Cheney misled our country into the war in Iraq, they certainly cited the attacks on September 11, along with the equally specious claim that Iraq possessed vast arsenals of weapons of mass destruction.

    The notion, however, that 9/11 and Iraq were linked, or that one "led to" the other, has been widely and authoritatively debunked … Might I suggest that a reconsideration of the explanatory text next to the portrait of President Bush is in order[?]

    With all due respect to Sen. Sanders, I do believe that a clear connection between 9/11 and Iraq has already been found.

    The carrying-out of one gave the Bush administration a brilliant cover for carrying-out the other.

    What more do you need to know?

    Tags: 9/11, Bernie Sanders, George W. Bush, Iraq, Senate, Vermont