The Daily Show Correspondents Explain Constitutional Amendments

"Four score and seven years ago, Jesus descended from the mountaintop carrying the Constitutional Amendments carved in stone, and He said unto George Washington, 'Taketh this completely uninhabited great nation, with its purple mountains majesty and its rockets' red glare, and let the free market flourish from sea to shining sea. Amen.' " — The United States Constitution, Chapter 3, Page 47

The First Amendment

More amendments explained after the jump.

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Tags: Aasif Mandvi, Al Madrigal, Bill of Rights, Constitution, Jason Jones, Jessica Williams, John Oliver, Samantha Bee, TDS Correspondents Explain, Wyatt Cenac

Missouri Voters Finally Continue to Have "Right to Pray" in Public

Finally! After years and years of being allowed to pray at home, at work, at school, in the public square on television, the good God-fearing people of Missouri went to the polls and finally gave themselves the right to continue expressing their religious faith to their heart's content…

The so-called "right to pray" amendment to the Missouri Constitution passed by the kind of margin rarely seen in election referendums…

"Missourians have affirmed the right to pray in public places and repudiated religious intolerance," said Mike Hoey, executive director of the Missouri Catholic Conference, as early returns showed the measure winning by a sevenfold advantage…

Opponents of the amendment have said Amendment 2's religious protections are already guaranteed by the state Bill of Rights and the U.S. Constitution.

It must feel so nice — after all of these years of being encouraged by society to make their religious faith loudly public and grandstandingly large — to let down your hair and behave just like you did yesterday and the day before.

Photo by Jamie Squire/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images

Tags: Bill of Rights, Constitution, Missouri, Religion

Sarah Palin Defends Chick-fil-A, Still Hazy on First Amendment

Today is the day! Today is the day that weight-battling social conservative Evangelical Christian former governors all across the country make a special trip to Chick-fil-A to eat a bunch of fried chicken without feeling guilty stand up for traditional marriage values!

And probably a bunch of other people, too. People who support a Biblical interpretation of marriage (all the polygamy and buying wives stuff excluded). People who care about halting the ever-forward progression of society. And, most especially, people who crave publicity. Such as…

In an interview on Fox News, [Sarah] Palin defended Chick-fil-A President Dan Cathy's decision to publicly express his anti-gay marriage views and claimed that the resulting backlash against the company was an affront to free speech.

"Well, that calling for the boycott is a real — has a chilling effect on our 1st Amendment rights," Palin told Fox News' Greta Van Susteren.

It's really nice to hear that Sarah Palin has so much concern for the well-being of the First Amendment. And, luckily for her, the Chick-fil-A boycott actually has no chilling effect on the First Amendment whatsoever! In fact, since the First Amendment protects private citizens' rights to express themselves however they see fit — whether that be through contributing millions of dollars to groups fostered to hold back social progress or through organizing people to halt the flow of money into businesses that funnel money into such groups — it actually supports the First Amendment! Just wait until Palin hears that! She's gonna be so happy…

"And the owner of the Chick-fil-A business had merely voiced his personal opinion about supporting traditional definition of marriage, one boy, one girl, falling in love, getting married. And having voiced support for kind of that cornerstone of all civilization and all religions since the beginning of time, he then basically [is] getting crucified."

To hear her explain it, it sounds so nice. One boy, one girl, falling in love, getting married, working tirelessly to keep minorities from having the same rights as everybody else… Sigh. What a romantic vision of traditional Americana she paints.

Photo by Roberto Gonzalez/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Tags: Bill of Rights, Chick-fil-A, Christianity, Constitution, Food, LGBT, Marriage Equality, Religion, Sarah Palin

Our Endorsements: Dirty Bankers

* The Bugle podcast serves up some fishy political chips.

* A coupon for your traditional family.

* Take it from Uncle Bill…sex advice, that is.

* Senator McCain buddies up with Leslie Knope.

* The only two ways we can fix America, from Hahajk.

* Lenny Bruce and Steve Allen on our right to bear words.

* Another installment of American Policy Suggestions from a Chicago Sports Fan.

* Olympians making derp faces. NSFW if you didn't bring an extra pair of underwear.

Tags: Amy Poehler, Bill of Rights, Chicago, Comedians, Conspiracies, Daily Links, Funny or Die, John McCain, Marriage Equality, Olympics, Rick Santorum, Sports

Quote Unquote: Coming for Your Assault Rifles

Barack Obama on gun regulation…

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"I also believe that a lot of gun owners would agree that AK-47s belong in the hands of soldiers and not in the hands of crooks. They belong on the battlefield of war, not on the streets of our cities."

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This ignores the simple fact that criminals are always going to find a way to get their hands on AK-47s. So, wouldn't it just be smarter to give everybody AK-47s? Just think how much safer you'd feel if that were the case.

Tags: Barack Obama, Bill of Rights, Constitution, Crime, Guns, Quote Unquote, Second Amendment