Stephen Colbert Talks to a Democrat Who's Not Afraid to Not Pretend He's Not a Democrat

Lemme get this straight: Democrat Tom Perriello is running for Congress in 2010 as a Democrat? Wow, these people are more self-destructive than I thought they were…

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

Tags: Bill Owens, Democrats, House of Representatives, Jason Altmire, Joe Manchin, Midterms, Tom Perriello

Doug Hoffman Loses Same Congressional Seat Twice in One Election

So, so sad. As it turns out, Glenn Beck, Sarah Palin, Rush Limbaugh and all of Tea Bag America were no match for the political corruption juggernaut that is ACORN.

Alas, NY-23's congressional seat has slipped from the grasp of Doug Hoffman — who had just recently un-conceded — once again…

[A]s absentee ballots were tallied, it quickly became clear that Hoffman had no shot at victory in the initial count, and probably couldn't win a challenge, either. So on Tuesday he conceded one last time.

In a statement noticeably free of the accusations of theft and fraud that had accompanied his un-concession, Hoffman said: "Yesterday, the remaining ballots were counted in the 23rd Congressional District special election. The results re-affirm the fact that Bill Owens won."

It doesn't surprise me that he didn't call out ACORN in his (second) concession speech. They have agents everywhere. Everywhere! Hoffman doesn't want to wind up with a poison dart in his neck, does he?

Tags: ACORN, Bill Owens, Doug Hoffman, House of Representatives, New York, Tea Party

It Is Better to Have Teabagged and Lost, Than Never to Have Teabagged at All

Last week, I reported that teabagging candidate Doug Hoffman still had a chance of winning the NY-23 congressional seat away from Democrat Whatever His Name Is and thus averting the tragedy of surrendering that seat to a Democrat for the first time since it was legal in the country to own human beings.

Well, he's still got a chance, but it's not looking quite as chancerific as it was last week. Say la vee. (La vee.)

This leads us to wonder if Republicans — despite growing dissatisfaction with congressional Democrats — the the GOP could still be getting ready to Scozzafava away all of its moderate (reasonable) candidates for 2010 and still end up losing ground.

According to this poll from CNN, that seems to be a possibility…

The poll indicates that a slight majority, 51 percent, of Republicans would prefer to see the GOP in their area nominate candidates who agree with them on all the major the issues even if they have a poor chance of beating the Democratic candidate. Forty-three percent of Republicans say they would rather have candidates with whom they don't agree on all the important issues but who can beat the Democrats.

Democrats polled seemed to place a slightly higher priority on electoral victory: 58 percent say that they would like their party to nominate candidates who can beat Republicans, even if they don't agree with those candidates on all the issues. Fewer than 4 in 10 Democrats say they would rather see their party nominate candidates who agree with them on all major issues, but have a poor chance of beating the Republican candidate.

Translation: Republicans are obstinate and unrealistic, while Democrats are cowardly and accepting of mediocrity.

So, this poll gives us no new information.

Tags: Bill Owens, Dede Scozzafava, Democrats, Doug Hoffman, House of Representatives, New York, Polls, Republicans

Teabag Candidate Doug Hoffman Just Might Be Soaking in Victory

Remember how last week, liberal asshats — like this jagoff over here — were being all hahaha about the only teeny tiny little bit of good news that came out of Election Night?

Well, the Teabagger who hahahas last, hahahas the most depressingly for America…

Although [Conservative Doug] Hoffman was reportedly down by 5,335 votes when he conceded the election last Tuesday night, a recanvassing of the county’s 11 districts has Hoffman trailing [Democrat Bill] Owens by just 3,026 votes — 63,672 to 66,698. The largest voting error was found in what was supposed to be Hoffman’s stronghold, Oswego County. Election night reports there showed the Conservative Party candidate holding onto a slim lead of 500 votes; the revised results have Hoffman's margin at 1,748.

The results of the recanvassing mean that the election will be decided by a count of absentee ballots. More than 11,000 were reportedly distributed.

If he does end up winning, you won't need to read about it in the papers or online? You'll hear it. It'll be the sound of a hundred thousand Teabaggers screaming out in simultaneous orgasmic ecstacy.

Tags: Bill Owens, Doug Hoffman, House of Representatives, New York, Tea Party

Colbert: John McCain Is Now President of New Jersey and Virginia

In light of Tuesday's elections, one thing is abundantly clear: If you want your boring local election to gain unwarranted national weight and prominence, hold it in an off year. Better yet, don't even hold it in November. Move your deputy county comptroller election to April 2011, and watch it become a bellwether referendum on the future of all carbon-based species.

After the jump, coverage of the election results continues with The Daily Show.

The Daily Show and Colbert Report air Monday through Thursday starting at 11pm / 10c.

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Tags: Barack Obama, Bill O'Reilly, Bill Owens, Bob McDonnell, Chris Christie, Constitution Party, Creigh Deeds, Doug Hoffman, Glenn Beck, House of Representatives, John McCain, Jon Corzine, Jon Stewart, New Jersey, New York, Sean Hannity, Stephen Colbert, Tea Party, The Colbert Report, The Daily Show, Video, Virginia