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Birthers
  • Paul Ryan Has a Shock for Birthers

    Hey, Tea Partiers! I know that you all lurve Rep. Paul "One Day Will Serve Reagan's Third Term" Ryan. I know you think he's a Randian dreamboat with conservative ideals harder and more well-defined than his sculpted-from-granite abs. I know that you treasure the fact that he's one of you. A man cut from the same camo-patterned cloth. But, in at least one key way, he is not one of you.

    Some of you may have discovered Ryan's dark secret whilst reading through his office's response to your perfume-scented mash-note asking him to prosecute President Obama for being a secret Kenyan terror baby. For, you see, Paul Ryan accepts that Barack Obama was born in the United States of America

    "Since President Obama was elected, many individuals have expressed concerns regarding his citizenship and eligibility to serve as the President of the United States given the requirements delineated in the Constitution," one of the letters says. "On April 27, 2011, in response to these criticisms, President Obama released the long form of his birth certificate, which was issued by the Hawaii State Department of Health."

    The office attaches a copy of the birth certificate to its response. The certificate shows Obama was born Aug. 4, 1961 at a hospital in Honolulu.

    "I certainly understand the importance of this issue," the letter says, "and I hope you find the information useful."

    I don't know. I just find it odd that, considering all the different unsubstantiated versions of reality Paul Ryan chooses to live in, he couldn't have added just one more.

    Photo by Darren Hauck/Getty Images News/Getty Images


    Tags: Barack Obama, Birthers, Paul Ryan
  • From the Pork Barrel: Romney Landslide "Possible"

    * Examiner.com's Dean Chambers lays out a pretty convincing argument that a Mitt Romney landslide victory is "possible." Assuming Romney wins every state in which Obama is currently polling under 50.1, he'd clean up with 353 electoral votes to Obama's 185. Not even close!  However, I personally discovered that if every voter in every state that has an "e" in its name casts a write-in vote for former Hollywood Squares center square Paul Lynde, we might just be seeing out first dead gay president in November.

    * Kansas' birther Secretary of State Kris Kobach seems to be signaling that Barack Obama may be getting pulled off his state's ballot due to an insufficient number of birth certificates. Losing the 6 electoral votes provided by Kansas — where the President is only trailing Romney by 15% — could prove to be a devastating blow to his re-election math (which incidentally is, I think, illegal in Kansas).

    * Obama tried to sneak some pretty unsavory racial junk into a new Spanish language ad. I think maybe he forgot that some people do genuinely speak Spanish.

    * It may seem odd that, until today, nobody realized that former Michigan Gov. Jennifer Granholm was a "cute and curvaceous" guest on The Dating Game back in 1978. But you've got to take into account that almost nobody realized she was governor of Michigan from 2003 to 2011. She kinda just flies under the radar.

    * Download our free iPhone and iPad app Indecision Election Companion and jump up into the the Peanut Gallery — our liveblog/instant reaction arena — to watch and respond with us as Sen. John McCain discusses the ongoing turbulence in the Middle East on CBS's Face the Nation this Sunday morning.


    Tags: Barack Obama, Birthers, Jennifer Granholm, John McCain, Kansas, Michigan, Mitt Romney, Pork Barrel, Television
  • Tweet Untweet: Subpar Subtext


    Tags: Barack Obama, Birthers, Mitt Romney, Tweet Untweet, Twitter
  • Mitt Romney Maybe Kinda Made a Birth Certificate Joke

    While campaigning in his home state of Michigan today, Mitt Romney seems to have possibly made what the folks around there call a "humor joke" at Barack Obama's expense

    "I love being home, in this place where Ann and I were raised, where both of us were born," Romney said… "Ann was born in Henry Ford Hospital, I was born in Harper Hospital. No one's ever asked to see my birth certificate; they know that this is the place where both of us were born and raised," he said.

    Lest anybody think that Romney was attempting to add a bit of levity to his speech, his campaign staff quickly went into clean-up mode to make certain that everybody know that their candidate was simply stating a piece of factual information and was not in any way trying to relate to his supporters in a way that could be deemed "familiar"…

    Read More »


    Tags: Barack Obama, Birthers, Mitt Romney
  • Sheriff Joe Arpaio's Posse Confirms President Is a Black Guy

    Sheriff Joe Arpaio's crack volunteer detective squad has finished its investigation into the authenticity of Barack Obama's birth certificate and has concluded that the president is definitely black. Also, they claim that the birth certificate is "definitely fraudulent," but let's be real about the subtext of this "investigation."

    What prompted the inevitable finale of this, the crappiest season of CSI: Wingnut Unit ever broadcast? If you guessed "secret codes embedded into the birth certificate," you have officially mind-melded with the Maricopa County Sheriff

    Mike Zullo, the posse's chief investigator, said numeric codes on certain parts of the birth certificate indicate that those parts weren't filled out, yet those sections asking for the race of Obama's father and his field of work or study were completed.

    Zullo said investigators previously didn't know the meaning of codes but they were explained by a 95-year-old former state worker who signed the president's birth certificate. Zullo said a news reporter who has helped with the probe let investigators listen in on an interview he conducted of the former state worker.

    This investigation inspires so much confidence in the ability of local Arizona police to fairly administer the state's "show us your papers" statute on undocumented immigrants. Faced with repeated confirmations from Hawaii officials that the president was born in Honolulu, Arpaio's squad nevertheless looks beyond the reality to find the deeper truth that the president is blackety black, black and therefore a fraud. I'm sure Hispanic citizens, who don't have the same legal resources as the President of the United States, will have no trouble meeting Arizona's standards for documentation.

    One last coup remains for Arpaio. He really needs to direct his cold case squad to determine whether Arpaio is a real person, or a laboratory experiment created by Democrats to caricature Republicans as unthinking buffoons.

    Photo by Joshua Lott/Getty Images News/Getty Images


    Tags: Arizona, Barack Obama, Birthers, Joe Arpaio