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Bobby Jindal
  • A Recipe for Roast Individual Mandate Broccoli

    When the Roberts' majority struck down the section of the Affordable Care Act penalizing states that refuse to expand the Medicaid program, most health care experts downplayed the import of the decision, arguing that Republican governors and legislators would be insane to turn down free money — the federal government will pay 90% of the costs of expansion (100% in the first three years) – to insure their populations.

    Which raises the question: Have any of these policy health wonks ever met a Republican lawmaker? Because this morning, Rick Perry made Texas the 5th state to promise to reject Medicaid expansion, joining the likes of Lousiana's Bobby Jindal, who argued that Obamacare would pave the way for Michelle Obama's tofu tax mandate.

    As of now, there's no tofu mandate, but it's increasingly likely that poor citizens of red states will not be getting any new health care beyond the mandatory broccoli we've all heard so much about. I'm reminded of an old family saying: When life hands you broccoli, you should roast it, because raw broccoli is fucking disgusting. Here's what you do…

    * Heat your oven to a temperature the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change's scarier models predict is in our future. 425 degrees will do.

    * Cut the broccoli florets into bite size pieces. Add minced garlic. Toss with olive oil, sea salt and pepper. Spread the broccoli out in an even layer on a baking sheet.

    * Roast in the oven until the broccoli is brown-ish enough that it would be ineligible to vote in Mississippi or Florida. Approximately 20 minutes should do it.

    Stay healthy and enjoy!

    Photo by Adam Hester/Stockbyte/Getty Images

    Tags: Bobby Jindal, Food, Health, Health Care, Medicaid, Rick Perry
  • From the Pork Barrel: Coincidence?

    * "Akron restaurant owner dies hours after meeting Obama," confirming rumors that almost certainly exist that President Obama is a sleeper agent for a secret international society of stealth assassins. And if not, those rumors will be arriving shortly.

    * Barack Obama cannot exist in the same with Fox News.

    * Turns out that John Philip Sousa's great-grandson is a first-class birther. Which is kind of disappointing. Until you remember that the patriotic composer was a big fan of bassoons.

    * That woman who claims to have had a 13-year affair with Herman Cain wants to fill us in on all the details. We didn't even get any money out of the deal, so why should we be burdened with this?

    * Get the Indecision Election Companion, our free app for iPhone and iPad, and then jump into the Peanut Gallery — our liveblog/instant reaction arena — and watch Bobby Jindal’s appearance on ABC’s This Week with us on Sunday July, 8 at 10a/9c. Will it be veepstakesy? Or the veepstakesiest?

    Photo by Olivier Douliery-Pool/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: ABC, Barack Obama, Birthers, Bobby Jindal, Food, Fox News, Ginger White, Herman Cain, Music, Ohio, Pork Barrel, Sex
  • Muslims Ruining Louisiana's Plans to Destroy Public Education

    Recently, Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal signed into law a voucher program allowing state educational funds to be used to send students to schools run by religious groups. The plan is set to be a model for the nation, with Mitt Romney's education policies calling for the adoption of similar school choice schemes across the country.

    And so far, things have been going swimmingly. Thousands of students are set to enroll in private Christian academies, where they can learn about dinosaurs (more appropriately called Jesus Horses, I believe) such as the Loch Ness monster and their relationship to evolution. It's complicated.

    But one Louisiana legislator has noted a wrinkle in the state's plan to subsidize the teaching of the most backward elements of the One True Faith…

    Rep. Valarie Hodges, R-Watson, says she had no idea that Gov. Bobby Jindal's overhaul of the state’s educational system might mean taxpayer support of Muslim schools.

    "I actually support funding for teaching the fundamentals of America's Founding Fathers’ religion, which is Christianity, in public schools or private schools," the District 64 Representative said Monday.

    "I liked the idea of giving parents the option of sending their children to a public school or a Christian school," Hodges said.

    Hodges mistakenly assumed that "religious" meant "Christian."…

    "Unfortunately it will not be limited to the Founders' religion," Hodges said. "We need to insure that it does not open the door to fund radical Islam schools. There are a thousand Muslim schools that have sprung up recently. I do not support using public funds for teaching Islam anywhere here in Louisiana."

    "The only taxpayer subsidized structure for Muslims should be in Guantanamo Bay," added this remarkably dumb legislator, probably.

    (via Patheos)

    Photo by David Silverman/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: Bobby Jindal, Christianity, Education, Islam, Louisiana, Religion, Science & Technology, State Legislature
  • Republican VP List Narrowed Down to Four

    The mystery of which Rand-loving cardboard cutout in a suit will be the next GOP vice-presidential candidate just got more interesting. Which is to say a little bit interesting

    Mitt Romney may be tight-lipped about his vice presidential short list, warning that only he and longtime aide Beth Myers know who is on it, but a close examination of the campaign's activity suggests four contenders have risen through the ranks: Former Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty, Ohio Sen. Rob Portman, Wisconsin Rep. Paul Ryan and Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal.

    Yeah, but, four years ago, John McCain had snoozey white dudes on his VP shortlist, and he somehow ended up in Minneapolis standing next to Sarah Palin. Is there any chance that Romney will choose a game-changing dark horse candidate at the last second? Like maybe Bain Capitol? Or one of his offshore bank accounts? Someone he can really relate to?

    In this case, though, the presumptive Republican nominee has a reputation for gathering copious amounts of data to make his decisions, and that’s why a pick out of leftfield, like McCain’s choice of Palin, is unlikely. Romney doesn’t rely on his gut; he deliberates. That was true when he was considering this presidential run and asked his team for game plans and each member of his family for their input.

    Okay, so just what is all this data he's he's currently processing?

    [T]here are at least three data points Romney is considering as he mulls his vice presidential pick. The first is readiness for office…

    Which would disqualify any Palin-like candidates. Sorry, Perry, Bachmann and Cain fans.

    The second is chemistry with the candidate and his wife…

    Which would disqualify pretty much everyone else. At least anyone with a pulse. You're still in the race, Pawlenty and Jindal fans!

    And the third is an ability to fly solo — to campaign on behalf of Romney without him being there…

    Unfortunately, it appears that the ability to mimic farm animals is not being considered at this time. Our condolences, Portman fans.

    Photo by Scott Olson/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: Bobby Jindal, Mitt Romney, Paul Ryan, Republicans, Rob Portman, Tim Pawlenty, Veepstakes
  • Louisiana Schoolkids Taught Loch Ness Monster Is Real

    At least in theory, there lives a beautiful creature that inhabits lochs and bayous. Evidence of its existence is anecdotal, with minimal and much-disputed photographic material and journalistic accounts. Unfortunately, this creature, "the Louisiana Republican state legislator that makes a modicum of sense," is most likely a modern myth.

    The latest strike against this elusive creature's existence came in the form of legislation signed by Governor Bobby Jindal, making Louisiana the leader in privatizing public education. Beginning this fall, thousands Louisiana schoolkids will receive taxpayer funded vouchers covering the full cost of tuition at private religious schools, while the public school they previously attended will lose funding.

    But whatever the damage done to the separation of church and state, at least the kids will be getting a solid education

    Thousands of American school pupils are to be taught that the Loch Ness monster is real — in an attempt by religious teachers to disprove Charles Darwin's theory of evolution.

    Pupils attending privately-run Christian schools in the southern state of Louisiana will learn from textbooks next year, which claim Scotland's most famous mythological beast is a living creature…Youngsters will be told that if it can be proved that dinosaurs walked the earth at the same time as man, then Darwinism is fatally flawed…

    "Have you heard of the Loch Ness Monster in Scotland? 'Nessie' for short has been recorded on sonar from a small submarine, described by eyewitnesses, and photographed by others. Nessie appears to be a plesiosaur."

    Another claim taught is that a Japanese whaling boat once caught a dinosaur.

    And to think, Muslims almost ruined this great innovation in American education policy, just like they ruin everything! An Islamic school had briefly applied for the voucher program, drawing ire from Republican lawmakers, before withdrawing its application.

    Just as well, since Arabic words like "algebra" would fit in poorly with the rest of the Jesus Science curriculum.

    Photo by Jeff J Mitchell/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: Bobby Jindal, Education, Evolution, Louisiana, Religion, Republicans, Science & Technology