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Bristol Palin
  • Sarah Palin's Savvy Plan to Withold Her Autograph from Fans Who Don't Buy Her Daughter's Book

    I give Sarah Palin — who is currently teasing the media over her decision on whether or not to jump into the Republican clown car — a lot of grief for being un-presidential. But I think I may have changed my mind with this bit of news

    The scheduled main event actually belonged to Palin's 20-year-old daughter, Bristol, who was signing copies of her memoir, "Not Afraid of Life: My Journey So Far." But for many who stood in line with copies of Bristol Palin's book, the real draw was her mom, who took the national spotlight when she joined John McCain on the 2008 Republican presidential ticket.

    According to the book-signing event's rules, Palin fans had to buy Bristol's book in order to get Sarah to sign one of her two books, "America by Heart" or "Going Rogue."

    You gotta give to her, that's a pretty brilliant strategy. And in no way does it show any type of exploitative attitude she may or may not have toward her loyal base. nope. It's just good savvy booksignmanship.

    And just think of the applications…

    Speaker of the House: Madam President! Congress is demanding that I ask you to sign their Sarah Palin Runner's World wall posters.

    President Palin: Well, I'd love to. But I can't really concentrate on signing my name to anything so long as this bill dismantling the First Amendment lies around unpassed.

    Speaker of the House: Oh, well, we'll take care of that right away!

    President Palin: Aw, thanks! You're such a dear.

    This, I think, will work out fantastically well.

    Photo by Darren Hauck/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: Books, Bristol Palin, Sarah Palin
  • Tworld News: Week of June 24

    The news, politics and humans in general are complicated. Twitter is simple. Comedians are here to bridge the gap:

    Obama calls for fast troop removal plan in Afghanistan, implicitly confirms speculation that he's probably a terrorist.

    Whitey Bulger may be suspected of 19 murders, but that's no reason to ignore the fact that his name is Whitey Bulger.

    Read More »

    Tags: Afghanistan, Amish, Barack Obama, Bristol Palin, FBI, John McCain, Jon Huntsman, Newt Gingrich, Sarah Palin, Tworld News
  • Sarah Palin Cannot Get Out of Jury Duty

    Remember how I was telling you yesterday that whatever reason Sarah Palin had for quitting her bus tour midway through, it was gonna be pretty much the best, not-overtly-bullshit reason ever?

    Well, turns out it's even better than that

    Former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin said on Wednesday she was pausing her "One Nation" bus tour to answer the call of jury duty and denied media reports her much-hyped multi-state jaunt had been cut short.

    "The next leg of the tour continues when the time comes," she said in a message posted on Facebook. "In the meantime, no one should jump to conclusions — certainly not the media with their long track record of getting things wrong or just making things up."

    Oh, jury duty! Why didn't I think of that? Of course, that is the most obvious reason why somebody like Sarah Palin would cut short her nationwide, media-scrutinized bus tour. You know how jury duty is constantly gumming up the works for all those political icons and media superstars in the world. Aren't you getting so tired of constantly opening up newspapers to discover that the most famous and influential people in the world are cutting short all their well-laid plans on a dime so that they can return home and attend jury duty? It's practically a cliche at this point, am I right?

    And don't you hate how every time to show up to jury duty, there's always some figurehead for a nationwide political movement sitting right beside you on the bench lazily flipping through a magazine? Grrrrrr! It happens so often so as to become boring!

    For Sarah Palin's sake — actually, for the whole country's sake — I really hope that whatever actual trial Sarah Palin actually get out of sitting through with eleven other actual people isn't something goes on for an actual really long time, like the O.J. Simpson trial. That could seriously put a dent in her non-plans to not un-run for pretend-president.

    Photo by Paul Morigi/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images

    Tags: Alaska, Bristol Palin, Primaries, Republicans, Sarah Palin, Transportation, Travel
  • Sarah Palin Abandons Bus-Tour Midway Through so as to Better Serve America

    Oh my God! What a strong and brave woman! I am continually in awe at the leadership she displays.

    Can you think of any other politicians in America today who would have the courage to step away from their non-publicity-seeking un-campaign bus tour midway through in such a bold and venturesome manner?

    Less than a month after she appeared poised to shake up the Republican presidential campaign, former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin has once again receded from the 2012 limelight…

    Though Palin and her staff never announced a timeline for the remaining legs of her trip, aides had drafted preliminary itineraries that would have taken her through the Midwest and Southeast at some point this month. But those travel blueprints are now in limbo, RCP has learned, as Palin and her family have reverted to the friendly confines of summertime Alaska, where the skies are currently alight for over 19 hours a day and the Bristol Bay salmon fishing season is nearing its peak.

    Look, I don't pretend to understand how Sarah Palin works. But I know that she knows what's best for this country, and she always acts in accordance with that secret special gnostic understanding. Whether she's quitting her post as governor of Alaska so that she can better serve Alaska as a reality-television star, or if she and her daughter are having their names trademarked by the US Patent and Trademark Office so that she can better fight to rid the country from the control of Big Government. She's always fighting for us!

    So, I don't know how, but I'm sure that sitting around at home while sipping on iced tea and screaming demands into a cell phone at her business manager must be the right thing for America. I can't wait to find out how!

    Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: Alaska, Bristol Palin, Primaries, Republicans, Sarah Palin, Transportation, Travel
  • Sarah Palin to Visit Real America on "One Nation" Country-Wide Bus Tour

    Aw, man! It just keeps getting better and better!

    Yesterday, we found out that Sarah Palin found out about Sarah Palin's cinematic ode to Sarah Palin, and today we're getting word of Sarah Palin's nationwide tour in support of Sarah Palin

    In a move designed to propel her closer to a presidential run, former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin will set out on a bus tour of the country on Sunday, making stops at symbolic sites along the way.

    "Starting this weekend, Sarah Palin will embark on a 'One Nation' tour of historical sites that were key to the formation, survival, and growth of the United States of America," SarahPAC treasurer Tim Crawford said in a statement to RealClearPolitics. "The tour will originate in Washington, D.C. It will proceed north up the east coast."…

    Members of Palin's immediate family are expected to join her on the trip, which will eventually take her through key early-voting states.

    Of course Palin's family members "are expected to join her on the trip." Why would they not be? That would be like Gallagher going on tour without his sledgehammer and crate of watermelons.

    Can you even imagine the crushing disappointment that would be experienced by her fans if they left the show without being splattered mawkish sentimentality. That's what you go to see her for. Everybody knows that!

    Photo by Darren Hauck/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: Bristol Palin, Primaries, Republicans, Sarah Palin, Todd Palin, Trig Palin