* Obama's second season is some must see TV.
* Abraham Obama looks like a cool dude.
* And you thought General Petraeus had his hands full…
* A lot of moms wish they had enough time to eff a general.
* Only a certain number of states can win the golden ticket!
* This week in Unnecessary Censorship: Petraeus did what?
* BP throws its chump change at the US, shouts "Sorry!" over it's shoulder.
Tags: Barack Obama, BP, David Petraeus, Ohio, The Onion
Tom Tomorrow looks back on yesterday and reminds us, against our will, of everything we've been trying to suppress…
Tags: BP, Comedians, Corporations, Energy & Oil, Health Care, Joe Barton, Judiciary, Supreme Court, Terrorism, This Modern World
Hey, you there. Yes you, the one living in ignorance and loneliness. Get ready for Twitter to extinguish half of your ostensible problems. And highlight the other half…
If I had a nickel for every time someone misspelled "Qur'an" I'd have a very modest collection of nickels as a result of the plethora of accepted transliterations of the word.
I survived the Bush tax cuts and all I got was this awesome trickled-down t-shirt.
Tags: BP, China, DADT, Islam, Jerry Brown, John Boehner, Lady Gaga, Religion, Tworld News
Haha, oh fun! A guy who worked on the Deepwater Horizon told a government panel that the mothereffing emergency alarm was not fully turned up because the oil rig workers didn't want to be WOKEN UP…
The worker, Mike Williams, chief electronics technician aboard the Transocean rig, said the general safety alarm was habitually set to "inhibited" to avoid waking up the crew with late-night sirens.
"They did not want people woke up at 3 a.m. from false alarms," Mr. Williams told the federal panel of investigators in this New Orleans suburb. Consequently, the alarm did not sound during the emergency, leaving workers to relay information through the loudspeaker system.
The government panel replied, "Are you FUCKING KIDDING US?! What the fucking FUCK kind of selfish douchey bullshit IS that?" Okay, they did not say that out loud, but they thought it, probably.
On Friday, Mr. Williams added several new details about the equipment on the vessel, testifying that another Transocean official turned a critical system for removing dangerous gas from the drilling shack to "bypass mode." When he questioned that decision, Mr. Williams said, he was reprimanded.
"No, the damn thing's been in bypass for five years," he recalled being told by Mark Hay, the subsea supervisor. "Why’d you even mess with it?"
He recalled that Mr. Hay added: "The entire fleet runs them in 'bypass.' "
At this point, the six-member panel spontaneously exploded into flames of rage. (Probably.)
Ed Note: Sara Benincasa will be participating in a panel discussion on "Satire and Progressive Politics" — alongside Daily Show creator Lizz Winstead — at the Netroots Nation liberal hippyfest conference/drum circle in Las Vegas tomorrow afternoon. If you're planning on attending the conference, this should be a really good event.
Tags: BP, Energy & Oil, Gulf Coast
Oddly enough, Tony Hayward's recent apology to everybody on planet Earth for the several-month-long stream of toxic sludge his company was responsible for spooging into our oceans wasn't incredibly popular the world over.
But would people's opinions be changed if they could see the outtakes?
Puts the whole thing in a different light, doesn't it?
Tags: Atom, BP, Energy & Oil, Gulf Coast, Tony Hayward