Daily Show: Tony Hayward Postpones His Dolphin Hunt

As Jon Stewart pointed out on last night's Daily Show, while oil continued to poison the Gulf of Mexico at a catastrophic rate, BP CEO Tony Hayward was participating in a yacht race over the weekend. There is a bright side to this story though, as engineers now believe they may be able to plug the gushing well with Hayward's giant balls.

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

Tags: BP, Energy & Oil, England, Gulf Coast, Haley Barbour, Joe Barton, John Oliver, Jon Stewart, Michele Bachmann, Mitch McConnell, The Daily Show, Tony Hayward, Video

Caption Challenge: BP CEO Tony Hayward

Leave your caption in the comments section of this post.

Tags: BP, Caption Challenge, Games and Challenges, Tony Hayward

Who Can Get Mad at Happy Little Tar Balls?

Exactly what we all need to make ourselves feel better about all this…

(via The Daily What)

Tags: BP, Energy & Oil, Environment, Gulf Coast

Joe Biden Is Coerced into Speaking His Brains

It's really the beginning of this clip that I find the most interesting…

Joe Biden — and everybody around Joe Biden — is so aware of what a Joe Biden he is that he has to play this, "Are you sure you want me to open my mouth?" game with the press. And this guy was the VP of choice for a president who won't say "Good morning" until he gets thirteen agreeing reports confirming the position of the Earth in relation to the Sun. What a weird administration.

Tags: BP, Energy & Oil, Gulf Coast, House of Representatives, Joe Barton, Joe Biden, White House

Don't Worry, World! There's Still Plenty More Oil Left to Gush into Your Oceans

Okay, nobody prefers their pelicans to be dipped in oil or their sea turtles to be burned alive at sea. That's pretty much a granted, and, if it ever came to a national vote, I'm sure that we'd come down strongly against murdering pelicans and sea turtles with at least 51 to 53 percent of the popular vote, depending upon how active a role Karl Rove decided to take.

That said, the real tragedy of this whole BP environmental disaster of hyper-Biblical proportions thing is that we're loosing all that sweet, black poison crude, am I right? It's so painful to watch all that liquid money flowing out of that whole in the Earth and into the Gulf of Mexico where the wildlife just can't appreciate its worth. Aarrrghhh! It's so frustrating!

It's gotta be almost empty by now, don't you think? With "anywhere from 73.5 million to 126 million gallons" gushing every day just out to get wasted on those ignorant birds and reptiles, there can't be much left, right? Wrong…

Appearing before a House subcommittee, [BP CEO] Tony Hayward estimated that the reservoir tapped by the out-of-control well holds at least 50 million barrels of oil. At 42 gallons per barrel, that's 2.1 billion gallons…

That means the reservoir likely holds 94 to 97 percent of its oil. At the current flow rate, it would take from two to nearly four years for all the oil to leak from the field if it can't be stopped.

First of all, it's always a good idea to trust Tony Hayward says. That guy's never willfully deceived the entire world before, so he's pretty much aces in all our books.

But second of all — and this is the biggest "of all" — Whew! What a relief! Now, I'm not generally a the reservoir is one-twentieth empty kind of guy, but this was really starting to get to me. I was afraid that my as-yet unborn children would never get to see this a disaster of this magnitude. As it turns out, I can relax for a couple years, and still make it in under the wire. Thanks, BP!

Tags: Animals, BP, Energy & Oil, Environment, Gulf Coast, Tony Hayward