Quote Unquote: The "Forcible Assault" of Todd Akin

Bryan Fischer, of the Family Research Council, on Republicans' efforts to prematurely remove Todd Akin from the Missouri Senate race…

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"You talk about a forcible situation, you talk about somebody being a victim of forcible assault, that would be Todd Akin."

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Such wise words from the always sensitive Fischer. In all this media hype, it's all too easy to lose sight of the fact that the well-off male politician seeking to dictate millions of people's life decisions is the true victim here.

And besides, if God wanted Akin's campaign terminated, He'd get in there and shut all that stuff down.

Tags: Bryan Fischer, Family Research Council

Social Conservatives Still Not Taking the Gay Marriage Thing Very Well

Earlier this week it was revealed that the Democratic Party will, for the first time, include a plank supporting marriage equality in its official platform at the upcoming convention in Charlotte.

From this we learned that, one, "official party platforms" are still things that technically exist. And two, at least within the Democratic Party, support for gay marriage is quickly becoming an uncontroversial position. The 15 members of the platform committee who met in Minneapolis over the weekend gave their unanimous assent to the equality plank, while a new Pew research poll showed 65% of Democrats now supporting marriage equality, as compared to just 50% of Democrats who favored allowing gays and lesbians to marry legally in 2008.

Still, it would not be politics if a few creeps didn't gather round the old glory hole and complain about other people being happy. The American Family Association's Bryan Fischer, for one, sounded the death knell for the Democratic Party…

Rarely can you identify a moment in time at which a major political party sealed its own doom and relegated itself to the ash heap of history. Today is that day for the Democratic Party.

The party of Thomas Jefferson, who once wrote a law calling for the castration of those who committed the infamous crime against nature, has now enshrined sodomy-based marriage in its party platform.

Jefferson must be rolling over in his personal parchment copy of the Declaration of Independence, which celebrates the unalienable, God-given right to liberty, not licentiousness.

I don't know, if the gays have torn up the Democratic Party, they've also done a hell of a job refurbishing it. All these new pastels are really bringing out the equality and basic fairness in the room.

Photo by Sara D. Davis/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Tags: American Family Association, Bryan Fischer, LGBT, Marriage Equality

Ron Paul Wins Values Voter Summit Straw Poll Despite Having Some Admirable Values

A committed Christian and staunch pro-life advocate, Republican presidential candidate Ron Paul garnered a first-place showing at the Values Voter Summit straw poll, winning 37% of the vote and trouncing Herman Cain, Rick Santorum, Rick Perry, and Michele Bachmann.

To which Tony Perkins, president of the Family Research Council and organizer of the straw poll, had the only reasonable response: the guy who won most votes among Values Voter Summit attendees is obviously not the real choice of "values" voters…

"I don't think Ron Paul is truly reflective of where values voters stand," said Perkins on CNN's American Morning on Monday.

Perkins described the Texas congressman's top place finish in the poll as an "outlier."

"Ron Paul bused in over 600 people not to attend the conference but to hear his speech and vote," he said. "I give them credit for being organized."

Maybe the president of a designated hate group — and who better to judge values? — is right. After all, Paul's speech focused on war as the greatest threat to family life and invoked the Golden Rule in describing the ideal foreign policy. And every real "values" voter knows the real threat to family values comes from…committed, loving relationships formed by gay couples. Cue Bryan Fischer, president of the American Family Association, who also spoke at the Summit…

We need a president who will treat homosexuality not as a political cause at all, but as a threat to public health…Homosexual behavior represents the same threat to human health that injection drug use does. I believe we need a president who understands that neither homosexual behavior nor injection drug use represent lifestyles that any responsible government ought to normalize, legitimize, legalize, protect, sanction, or subsidize.

Well then. It's possible that the views of Ron Paul's supporters are not "truly reflective" of what many regular Summit attendees believe, but I'm pretty sure I know which group has the better values.

Photo by Steve Pope/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Tags: American Family Association, Bryan Fischer, Family Research Council, Ron Paul, Tony Perkins, Values Voter Summit

From the Pork Barrel: Michele Bachmann on Education

* Michele Bachmann delivers an inspirational Back to School message to our nations students suffering under the yoke of our state-run education system.

* The American Family Association's Bryan Fischer loves those obnoxious, needy, abominations-before-God gay people so so much.

* Professional wrestling magnate Linda McMahaon not giving up on her quest to restore dignity to the U.S. Senate.

* Sen. David Vitter forced into attending President's jobs speech as though he were a U.S. senator.

* President Obama gives liberals their opinions about jobs speech a few hours early.

* Did Rick Perry point his finger at Ron Paul last night in an untoward manner?

Tags: American Family Association, Barack Obama, Bryan Fischer, David Vitter, Debates, Education, LGBT, Linda McMahon, Michele Bachmann, Pork Barrel, Primaries, Republicans, Rick Perry, Ron Paul, Sara Benincasa, Senate, Sports, Unemployment, Wrestling

Conservatives Running Away from Conservative Conference Because Some Gays Might Show Up

Uh oh! Looks like some of the heads of conservative movement's "values voters" wing has caught wind that some gay people are planning on attending their annual orgiastic patriot party.

Can't risk being associated with those types…

Some of the nation's most prominent social conservatives are sending a message to their economic brethren by dropping out of the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) in response to the decision to include GOProud, a gay conservative group, as a participating organization.

"The base-line reason is that homosexuality is not a conservative value," said Bryan Fischer, the American Family Association's director of issue analysis. "It's the conservative PAC, not the libertarian PAC."…

Other social-issues groups opting to avoid the conference include the Heritage Foundation, the Family Research Council, the Center for Military Readiness, the American Family Association, the American Principles Project, the Liberty Counsel and the National Organization for Marriage.

I cannot even imagine the cognitive gymnastic ability needed to be an out gay-person and an avowed conservative these days. It must be like manning a gun turret in a fighter plane while fist swordfighting with all your fellow crewmen at the same time. Except with about a third of the other crewmen trying to grab your package when they think no one's looking. just seems like a lot to deal with.

Tags: American Family Association, Bryan Fischer, Christianity, Conservatives, CPAC, Family Research Council, GOProud, LGBT, National Organization for Marriage, Religion, Republicans