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Bryan Fischer
  • Bryan Fischer, Your Full Metal Straight Jacket Is Now Ready. FIGHT ME!

    In response to a Wall Street Journal article about Medal of Honor winner, Salvatore Giunta, Christian activist Bryan Fischer, is speaking out against what he calls the “feminization” of the military’s highest honor.

    “When we think of heroism in battle, we used the think of our boys storming the beaches of Normandy under withering fire, climbing the cliffs of Pointe du Hoc while enemy soldiers fired straight down on them, and tossing grenades into pill boxes to take out gun emplacements.

    We now award it only for preventing casualties, not for inflicting them.

    So the question is this: when are we going to start awarding the Medal of Honor once again for soldiers who kill people and break things, so our families can sleep safely at night?”

    First of all, Bryan, I’m not entirely certain you're thinking of “heroism in battle” as much as you're thinking of “opening scene in Saving Private Ryan.”

    Secondly, our preoccupation with Brett Favre’s penis and 4 a.m. Black Friday deals tend to suggest that “our families” are sleeping pretty fucking safely. IN FACT, I would argue that the only families who are NOT sleeping safely are the ones who lie awake wondering if their sons/brothers/husbands are being blown to bits in Iraq or Afghanistan. And, of course, through his heroism, Sgt. Giunta actually DID help those families sleep better at night.

    Thirdly, Bryan, if the point of your tirade is that you think we should award medals for killing the enemy AND for saving lives, fine. But I would ask YOU two questions:

    (1) What “awards” do you propose we hand out for the accidental killing of people who AREN’T the enemy? I mean, even Call of Duty penalizes players for killing friendlies. Don't you think we should AT LEAST operate at the same ethical level as our nation's gamers/40-yr old virgins?

    and

    (2) Have you ever considered the fact that the reason it’s hard to award medals for taking the lives of “the enemy” is that we’ve managed to be as opaque as possible in defining WHO our enemy even is?

    Not to mention, even if we COULD define “the enemy,” MAYBE the reason we don’t routinely praise our soldiers for killing them is because praising people for taking lives, rather than saving them, is exactly what our "enemies" do.

    FIGHT ME!

    Jason Mustian is a comedian who pees sitting down and lives in New York City with his wife, who, to the best of his knowledge, also pees sitting down.


    Tags: Afghanistan, Bryan Fischer, FIGHT ME!, Iraq
  • Right-Wing Radio Host Offers Startling Revelation About Adolf Hitler's Gayness That Nobody Else Has Ever Heard Of

    Bryan Fischer isn't just conservative values radio host of prominent member of the right-wing American Family Association. Oh no! He's also an expert on history.

    Well, World War II history, specifically.

    Okay, Nazi World War II history specifically specifically.

    Um, gay Nazi World War II history specifically specifically specifically.

    Er, pulled-completely-out-of-his-ass gay Nazi World War II history specifically specifically specifically specifically. It's a niche subject, but apparently full of potential revelations. Such as…

    "So Hitler himself was an active homosexual. And some people wonder, didn't the Germans, didn't the Nazis, persecute homosexuals? And it is true they did; they persecuted effeminate homosexuals. But Hitler recruited around him homosexuals to make up his Stormtroopers, they were his enforcers, they were his thugs.

    "And Hitler discovered that he could not get straight soldiers to be savage and brutal and vicious enough to carry out his orders, but that homosexual solders basically had no limits and the savagery and brutality they were willing to inflict on whomever Hitler sent them after.

    "So he surrounded himself, virtually all of the Stormtroopers, the Browshirts, were male homosexuals."

    Also, Mussolini was on the advisory board for ACORN. It's totally true.

    (via Videogum)


    Tags: Adolf Hitler, American Family Association, Bryan Fischer, LGBT, Nazis, WWII