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Callista Gingrich
  • Newt Gingrich Screens His New Documentary in South Carolina

    Newt Gingrich is screening his new movie in South Carolina and no, it's not a live-action remake of Up (the balloons would all be played by his head).

    It's actually a documentary titled A City Upon a Hill: The Spirit of American Exceptionalism. It's weird that a documentary about American exceptionalism is co-hosted by Newt's wife Callista Gingrich, when she was clearly built by a team of Japanese scientists.

    I apologize in advance if you actually watch this trailer…

    Tags: Callista Gingrich, Movies, Newt Gingrich, Video
  • Newt Gingrich Haz a Sadz

    Hey, you guys! Did you know Newt Gingrich is still running for president? He is! He totally is! He's also running for King of Blameistan on an innovative "the media sucks ass" platform, as evidenced by his feisty ripostes over at the ol' Ronnie Reagan Biblioteca recently.

    Thanks to the laziness of the lamestream media, which hasn't adequately covered his every boring, crotchety move, Newtles isn't getting every snippet of attention he and Callista would like. And this gives Newt a sadz

    "I have people tell me on a regular basis, 'Gee, are you still running?'" he said, responding to a question from a dispirited supporter asking why the campaign was faring so poorly. Gingrich blamed the press for his predicament, his favorite target in the last two debates as well.

    "The elite media decided in June, July that I was too conservative, too aggressive, and decided I was out of the race," he said, calling the coverage "self-fulfilling."

    Yes, it's because of the "elite media" that Newt's cantankerous rhetoric hasn't melted America's panties. Surely it is not the fact that he doesn't inspire enough excitement among the voting populace. And it's definitely not because Rick Perry is so sizzlingly sexxxay.

    Somewhere, right now, Callista is eyeing a bauble in the front window at Jared's and remembering the good ol' days, before her hubby set off on this fool's errand.

    Photo by Brendan Smialowski/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: Callista Gingrich, Newt Gingrich
  • Newt Gingrich Makes Ultimate Sacrifice, Closes Tiffany's Credit Line

    The sacrifices that candidates make for their campaigns. Some of them are just too heartbreaking to fathom

    Presidential candidate and former House speaker Newt Gingrich has released his personal financial disclosure report.

    The document confirms that Gingrich closed his interest-free credit line at Tiffany's. The Post reported last month that Gingrich had a second 2010 credit line of $500,000 to $1 million at the jewelry company. In May, personal financial disclosure forms for Gingrich’s wife, Callista, showed that the family had carried a line of credit ranging between $250,000 and $500,000 at Tiffany’s during 2005 and 2006.

    So, what does this mean? He's going to have to pay in cash? Or maybe he can send his valet over with a trunk full of gold doubloons. Either way, kind of humiliating. He's really going to be the punchline of the yacht club this season.

    Just don't tell me he was forced to empty out his caviar wading pool. Tell me that's not happening. Because I will cry.

    (via GOP 12)

    Photo by Brendan Smialowski/Getty Imgaes News/Getty Images

    Tags: Callista Gingrich, Newt Gingrich, Primaries, Republicans
  • Newt Gingrich Has a Perfectly Reasonable Explanation for Why Everybody on His Campaign Staff Decided to Quit

    Turns out the explanation was so obvious, you're gonna kick yourself for not guessing

    Republican presidential candidate Newt Gingrich on Wednesday attributed the mass resignations among his campaign staff to the fact that he is "very different" from mainstream politicians.

    "Philosophically, I am very different from normal politicians, and normal consultants found that very hard to deal with," Gingrich said in a speech to the Atlanta Press Club.

    "We have big ideas. I just think that's part of how you campaign. You talk to the American people about big things."

    Oooohhhh… So, that's why everybody in his staff quit to get away from him. Because he's "very different" and they were afraid of his "big ideas" and the way he talked about "big things." That makes a lot of sense. I can totally totally respect that explanation.

    Ironically, it's somewhat similar to an explanation I used to give to potential employers back in my college days…

    Interviewer: Hhhhmmmmm… Can you help me grasp why you were let go from your previous three places of employment.

    Me:Philosophically, I am very different from normal fast food service people, and normal employers found that very hard to deal with.

    Interviewer: How so?

    Me: I have big ideas. I just think that's part of how you work at a fast food restaurant. You talk to the American consumer about big things.

    Interviewer: What sorts of big things?

    Me: My penis, mostly.

    I spent a lot of time unemployed back then for some reason.

    Though, I have faith that Newt will vindicate our common strategy.

    Photo by Matthew Cavanaugh/Getty Images

    Tags: Callista Gingrich, Newt Gingrich, Primaries, Republicans
  • Newt Gingrich Demands Apology from Giant Peacock Corporation

    Renowned excellent husband Newt Gingrich is hoppin' mad and jumpin' pissed and leapin' disgruntled at the National Broadcasting Corporation, known to Communists and thieves as "NBC."

    Why? Well, a bunch of his irritated ex-employees told NBC that they left his campaign because his 18th wife and former partner in adulterous liaisons, Callista, was not nice to them. Oh, and NBC reported it. BAD MOVE, PEACOCK!

    Now, Newt wants a full-on apology

    The NBC report said staffers were upset over Callista Gingrich’s role, including her demand that the campaign arrange screenings of movies made by their for-profit production company. NBC says she insisted on screenings followed by Q&As, where they could sell DVDs — events that took up hours of time. When staffers in South Carolina refused a screening, she and Newt skipped an event in Myrtle Beach so they could return to D.C. to attend the opera "Don Pasquale" at the Kennedy Center.

    NBC also says Callista refused to allow early-morning travel because she needed time to do her hair. "He wanted to campaign but on the other hand he had to keep his wife happy," said one former staffer.

    Let this be a lesson to all of us: This is what happens when you promote your sex mistress to wife and then don't properly school her in the fine Republican spousal etiquette of wearing a cloth coat and shutting the fuck up.

    We're sure his next wife will prove less problematic.

    Photo by Bill Clark/CQ-Roll Call Group/Getty Images

    Tags: Callista Gingrich, MSNBC, NBC, Newt Gingrich, Primaries, Republicans