From the Pork Barrel: Canada's War on Cleavage

* Dangerous cleavage outbreak contained by Canadian government.

* Rick Perry's Medicaid plan uncomfortably liked by Democrats.

* Can Barack Obama win reelection without the janitor vote?

* Turns out the reason Democrats can't win is because they're a third party.

* Gary Johnson criticizes GOP debate audience, damaging chances of winning nomination.

* Florida Gov. Rick Scott reads teleprompter joke off teleprompter screen.

Tags: Barack Obama, Canada, Democrats, Florida, Jewish, Medicaid, Pork Barrel, Primaries, Republicans, Rick Perry, Rick Scott, Third Party

Wyatt Cenac Visits the Evil Empire of Oil and Snow (a.k.a. Canada)

From The CC Insider…

Do you people realize how close to our border Canada is? You know, in some places, it's less than a mile away. And why are they always hovering up above us? Is it maybe because the high ground is the best strategic location for a military strike? I'm just asking the questions here, people.

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11/10c.

Tags: Canada, Energy & Oil, Jason Jones, Samantha Bee, The Daily Show, Video, Wyatt Cenac

Stephen Colbert Looks at North America

I don't think a lot of people fully appreciate the menace that this land mass called "North America" poses to not just the United States, but also our neighbors Canada, Mexico and all those other countries below Mexico.

Do you have any idea how close it is to us? It's less than a mile from our borders. Or how populous it is? 528 million people. That's not even counting how many North Americans are living right here amongst us as we speak. (In fact, I have it on pretty good authority that our president is North American.)

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30/10:30c.

Tags: Canada, Mexico, Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report, Video

Quote Unquote: Immigration Reform

Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty in response to a man on the campaign trail who advocated the shooting of immigrants…

"You and I already agree with each other. The question is, The people we need to get — how do they respond? We need to reach out and get new people to join the team."

This may seem like an awful sentiment to agree to, but you have to put yourself in Pawlenty's shoes. His state shares a border with Canada, so he's constantly having to deal with those dirty foreigners sneaking across the border to sell their reasonably priced pharmaceuticals to our sick.

Tags: Canada, Guns, Immigration, Mexico, Minnesota, Primaries, Quote Unquote, Republicans, Tim Pawlenty

Stephen Colbert on the Continuing Turd Sandwich in Libya

Of course the American people are having trouble getting behind this military action Libya. Until our leaders explain to us whether it's more of a squirmish or a turd sandwich, we don't know what we're dealing with.

Personally, I think it's more of a jumbleblumph, but I have a tendency toward cynicism…

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30/10:30c.

Tags: Barack Obama, Canada, Libya, Muammar Qaddafi, NATO, Newt Gingrich, Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report, Video