Candidate Casting Couch: Harry Potter

Finally! This weekend, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is available for all the world to read. But once you run your grubby little muggle eyes across the 17,000 pages of the book in one 12-hour reading marathon, then what?

Well, if you really need your Harry Potter fix, you can flip on the news, mute the sound, and pretend the candidates are your favorite Rowling characters. After quaffing several flagons of polyjuice potion, here's what we divined…

Al Gore = Hermione Granger
Loveable know-it-all; has grown noticeably "shapelier" over the years

John Edwards = Ron Weasley
Good sidekick, but can he win the quidditch tournament on his own?

Rudy Giuliani = Draco Malfoy
Has a hard time keeping his wand in its sheath

Mitt Romney = Severus Snape
Good or evil, no one knows — either way, could really use some sun

H.R. Clinton = J.K. Rowling
Zillionaire book author

Ralph Nader = Lord Voldemort
Just when you thought you'd seen the last of him…

And now for the final mystery: Who do you think is Harry Potter?

Tags: Al Gore, Candidate Casting Couch, Harry Potter, Hillary Clinton, John Edwards, Mitt Romney, Ralph Nader, Rudy Giuliani

Candidate Casting Couch: The Sopranos, Post-Mortem

Well, it's all over. Regardless of your opinions on the final minutes of the finale episode — and if you saw it, you probably have strong ones — you have to admit that the show will be missed.

On Friday, we started casting our own version of the Sopranos with characters from the second most controversial thing on television: the upcoming Presidential election. We just couldn't help picking a few more…

Rudy Giuliani = Vito Spatafore
Enjoys kinky role-playing games

Barack Obama = Christopher Moltisanti
Young, not entirely unattractive; history of drug abuse; wishes he was black

John Edwards = Silvio Dante
It's all about the hair

Al Gore = Artie Bucco
Well-meaning loser

Dennis Kucinich = Big Pussy
No explanation necessary

It's hard to say good-bye — take a look at more Sopranos-candidate match-ups we came up with last week. And tell us how you'd cast the show.

Tags: Al Gore, Barack Obama, Candidate Casting Couch, Democrats, Dennis Kucinich, John Edwards, Republicans, Rudy Giuliani, The Sopranos

Candidate Casting Couch: The Sopranos

This Sunday night, we say goodbye to one of the best shows of all time. Luckily there's still something else on TV that's just as skeevy, violent and offensive: the run-up to the 2008 Presidential election.

If you're really jonesing for your Sopranos fix, just turn down the sound on the news and pretend that each of the candidates is a character from the show. We sat down with a nice plate of gabagol, and tried to decide who would be who. Here's what we came up with…

John McCain = Uncle Junior
Was pretty sharp and virile — before slipping into senility

Hillary Clinton = Phil Leotardo
Has a criminal history; will totally f**k you up if you don't pay respect

Joe Biden = Paulie Walnuts
Will not shut up, and is usually saying something dumb

Mitt Romney = Ralphie Cifaretto
Comes off as nice; may have a dead stripper in his past

Bill Richardson = Bobby Bacala
Whoa!

And now for the big question: Who do you think is Tony Soprano?

Tags: Bill Richardson, Candidate Casting Couch, Democrats, Hillary Clinton, Joe Biden, John McCain, Mitt Romney, Republicans, The Sopranos