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Candidate Casting Couch
  • Candidate Casting Couch: Harry Potter

    Finally! This weekend, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is available for all the world to read. But once you run your grubby little muggle eyes across the 17,000 pages of the book in one 12-hour reading marathon, then what?

    Well, if you really need your Harry Potter fix, you can flip on the news, mute the sound, and pretend the candidates are your favorite Rowling characters. After quaffing several flagons of polyjuice potion, here's what we divined…

    Al Gore = Hermione Granger
    Loveable know-it-all; has grown noticeably "shapelier" over the years

    John Edwards = Ron Weasley
    Good sidekick, but can he win the quidditch tournament on his own?

    Rudy Giuliani = Draco Malfoy
    Has a hard time keeping his wand in its sheath

    Mitt Romney = Severus Snape
    Good or evil, no one knows — either way, could really use some sun

    H.R. Clinton = J.K. Rowling
    Zillionaire book author

    Ralph Nader = Lord Voldemort
    Just when you thought you'd seen the last of him…

    And now for the final mystery: Who do you think is Harry Potter?

    Tags: Al Gore, Candidate Casting Couch, Harry Potter, Hillary Clinton, John Edwards, Mitt Romney, Ralph Nader, Rudy Giuliani
  • Candidate Casting Couch: The Sopranos, Post-Mortem

    Well, it's all over. Regardless of your opinions on the final minutes of the finale episode — and if you saw it, you probably have strong ones — you have to admit that the show will be missed.

    On Friday, we started casting our own version of the Sopranos with characters from the second most controversial thing on television: the upcoming Presidential election. We just couldn't help picking a few more…

    Rudy Giuliani = Vito Spatafore
    Enjoys kinky role-playing games

    Barack Obama = Christopher Moltisanti
    Young, not entirely unattractive; history of drug abuse; wishes he was black

    John Edwards = Silvio Dante
    It's all about the hair

    Al Gore = Artie Bucco
    Well-meaning loser

    Dennis Kucinich = Big Pussy
    No explanation necessary

    It's hard to say good-bye — take a look at more Sopranos-candidate match-ups we came up with last week. And tell us how you'd cast the show.

    Tags: Al Gore, Barack Obama, Candidate Casting Couch, Democrats, Dennis Kucinich, John Edwards, Republicans, Rudy Giuliani, The Sopranos
  • Candidate Casting Couch: The Sopranos

    This Sunday night, we say goodbye to one of the best shows of all time. Luckily there's still something else on TV that's just as skeevy, violent and offensive: the run-up to the 2008 Presidential election.

    If you're really jonesing for your Sopranos fix, just turn down the sound on the news and pretend that each of the candidates is a character from the show. We sat down with a nice plate of gabagol, and tried to decide who would be who. Here's what we came up with…

    John McCain = Uncle Junior
    Was pretty sharp and virile — before slipping into senility

    Hillary Clinton = Phil Leotardo
    Has a criminal history; will totally f**k you up if you don't pay respect

    Joe Biden = Paulie Walnuts
    Will not shut up, and is usually saying something dumb

    Mitt Romney = Ralphie Cifaretto
    Comes off as nice; may have a dead stripper in his past

    Bill Richardson = Bobby Bacala

    And now for the big question: Who do you think is Tony Soprano?

    Tags: Bill Richardson, Candidate Casting Couch, Democrats, Hillary Clinton, Joe Biden, John McCain, Mitt Romney, Republicans, The Sopranos