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Carly Fiorina
  • It's Carly Fiorina vs. a Wingnut for the GOP Senate Nomination in California

    Breaking, official: disgraced Hewlett-Packard CEO/McCain '08 ladypuppet Carly Fiorina is gunning for Barbara Boxer's Senate seat in California.

    All she has to do now is secure the Republican nomination, and here's where the story gets symbolic

    Fiorina, considered to be a moderate Republican with little history on social issues, will face off against conservative California Assemblyman Chuck DeVore for the GOP nomination.

    The Fiorina-DeVore matchup has all the makings of another Republican battle between the conservative wing of the party and national leaders seeking for the most electable candidate. [...] A string of conservative bloggers have already lined up behind DeVore, and South Carolina Sen. Jim DeMint said Tuesday he was backing the assemblyman.

    So which will it be, California Republicans? The ineffective lady whose printers never work or the DeMint-ed DeVore? Only time will tell, but either way, it'll have nothing to do with the shallowness of the GOP's leadership pool and everything to do with Barack Obama's first year in office.

    Tags: California, Carly Fiorina, Jim DeMint, Republicans, Senate
  • Carly Fiorina's Patented Campaign Skills, Now Online!!!

    Exiled Hewlett-Packard CEO Carly Fiorina proved her political mettle last year when she served as a "top economic advisor" to John McCain, a job that's kind of like being a pastry chef for a diabetic, admittedly. But Fiorina made some news herself on the campaign trail: there was the time she said Sarah Palin wasn't qualified to run a company, and then the time she accidentally made John McCain take a question about flaccid penises.

    These incidents were widely seen as gaffes, or "Bidens," but I'm starting to wonder if Carly Fiorina doesn't have some sort of secret blueprint for politics that only she can understand. For example, see the screenshot above? That is Carly Fiorina's new website, because — having done so well helping John McCain win the White House — our gal C.Fi is possibly maybe challenging Democrat Barbara Boxer for her California Senate seat.

    Oh, it gets better

    "It's Day and Night," the bright red Web site reads. "It's Dogs and Cats. It's Good and Bad. It's Carly vs. Boxer."

    "It's the most singularly awful political website I have ever seen, and I am including all the old, basic HTML websites that were the rage 10 years ago," conservative blogger John Hawkins of the site said in an e-mail to CNN.

    Well yes, of course it's awful. Don't you see? As a businessperson, Carly Fiorina understands the importance of branding.

    And this is the perfect representation of her brand: being incredibly bad at everythingTM.

    Tags: Barbara Boxer, California, Carly Fiorina, Internet, John McCain, Senate
  • Carly Fiorina Replaced by Joe the Plumber

    John McCain's campaign has gone through many identities, slogans, advisors and theme songs penned by liberals, but one thing has always remained constant: A campaign surrogate making headlines with his/her idiotic remarks.

    There's been quite a list of McCain "gaffers" over the last 18 months, including but not limited to…

    * Phil Gramm (called America "a nation of whiners" trapped in a "mental recession")

    * Douglas Holtz-Eakin (claimed McCain invented the Blackberry, despite his being computer illiterate)

    * Carly Fiorina (said that McCain was unqualified to manage a computer company)

    * Sarah Palin (caught misstating the GDP of Namibia by 0.75% during an impromptu trade lecture to an Ohio waitress)

    And now there's a new person ready to assume the duty of embarrassing McCain with his totally uninformed commentary: Joe the Plumber/Country Singer. (Who, at this point, outranks both Steve Schmidt and Rick Davis within the campaign.)

    Here's Joe regarding a problem that plumbers are confronted with on nearly every house call they make: The security of Israel

    When the McCain supporter asked him if he believed "a vote for Obama is a vote for the death of Israel," Mr. Wurzelbacher replied, "I'll go ahead and agree with you on that." He didn't elaborate on how Mr. Obama, who has said his commitment to Israeli security is "nonnegotiable," would be bad for the Jewish state.

    Later, during a Fox News interview with Shepard Smith, Joe reiterated his claim, putting Smith in the very un-Fox position of defending Obama.

    With surrogates like Joe following in the grand tradition of Gramm and Fiorina, Barack Obama should get enough donations to stay on TV through next year's World Series as well.

    Of course embarrassments run both ways. Who's to say that McCain can't return the favor by endorsing Joe's forthcoming bid for Congress with a trademark tasteless joke and a declaration that "the fundamentals of our economy are strong"?

    Tags: Carly Fiorina, Douglas Holtz-Eakin, Economy, House of Representatives, Israel, Joe the Plumber, John McCain, Phil Gramm, Sarah Palin, Science & Technology
  • Hey, Phil Gramm, Any Room For Carly Fiorina in That Doghouse?

    John McCain is going through economic advisors like Sarah Palin goes through colleges.

    This week's victim is Carly Fiorina, who told MSNBC that John McCain and Sarah Palin were too inept to run a computer company and would instead have to work their way up through the United States government. (Too be fair, she said the same thing about Barack Obama and Joe Biden, but that's only because they're so sexist.)

    According to an unnamed McCain staffer, Fiorina is about to be handled like a 1940's Soviet dissident

    "Carly will now disappear," this source said. "Senator McCain was furious."…

    Fiorina was booked for several TV interviews over the next few days, including one on CNN. Those interviews have been canceled.

    Fiorina will have company in the John McCain doghouse. It's been occupied for months now by fellow McCain economic advisor Phil "Nation of Whiners" Gramm, who was banished in July for saying the U.S. was in a "mental recession."

    Gramm was recently believed to have redeemed himself, since he spent last week unsuccessfully lobbying Ron Paul to endorse McCain. (Note to Ron Paul fans with a Google Alert on his name: That is the only mention of him in this post. You may now return to your regularly scheduled revolution.)

    But Gramm is now more reviled than ever with the news that his 2000 Senate banking deregulation bill directly enabled the current fiasco on Wall Street. (When both Drudge and Mother Jones report the same news, you'd better believe it's true.)

    So it's off to Siberia for both Gramm and Fiorina — neither one to be heard from again. But even with the TV cameras gone, they had still better watch what they say about their old boss, John McCain.

    Remember this is a man who can hear through a cone of silence.

    Tags: Carly Fiorina, Economy, John McCain, MSNBC, Phil Gramm, Ron Paul, Sarah Palin
  • John McCain Spokesperson: Sarah Palin Couldn't Run a Computer Company

    McCain surrogate and former Hewlett Packard CEO Carly Fiorina, said today in a radio interview that Sarah Palin wouldn't have the experience to run her old company:

    "Do you think she has the experience to run a major company like Hewlett Packard?" the host asked Fiorina.

    "No, I don't," she replied. "But that's not what she's running for. Running a corporation is a different set of things."

    That is accurate. Computer companies don't generally focus on issues of war, commerce, or the welfare of the citizenry.

    They are however similar in size: HP's global workforce is about as large as the number of registered voters in Alaska.

    As Fiorina herself was drummed out of HP by the company's board in 2005, she could tell you exactly what you need to fail running HP.

    Sadly, there was no follow-up question. The first that comes to my mind (aside from "Should McCain advocates really be trying to make Sarh Palin look like someone without executive experience?") is "What about Radio Shack? Could she at least run a Radio Shack?"

    Which all points to why Obama should have chosen Al Gore as a running mate — He did invent the internet, after all.

    Update: Video after the jump…

    Tags: Alaska, Carly Fiorina, John McCain, MSNBC, Sarah Palin