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Caroline Kennedy
  • This Week on The Colbert Report: Caroline Kennedy and Morgan Spurlock

    Tonight, on the Colbert Report, Stephen gets his myths busted wide open and then watches helplessly as they are beaten into a bloody pulp by Jamie Hyneman and Adam Savage, hosts of A&E's hit show Mythbusters hosts.

    Then, tomorrow night, Ray Kurzweil — inventor and subject of the documentary Transcendent Man — stops by to take everything that Stephen thinks he understands about the world and grind it into unrecognizable smithereens before his forlorn and tearful eyes.

    Wednesday night, documentarian Morgan Spurlock returns to the show to detonate an information bomb about his brand new film The Greatest Movie Ever Sold before Stephen and his innocent studio audience.

    Finally, on Thursday night, the week of guestacular carnage culminates when Caroline Kennedy repels into the studio with a bazooka full of woman-themed issues strapped to her back. Stephen should be discussing her new collection of poetry She Walks in Beauty. That is, if he knows what's good for him.

    The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30/10:30c.

    Tags: Caroline Kennedy, Movies, Science & Technology, Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report, Video
  • Stephen Colbert's Best Moments on Empire State Politics

    Most people forget about li'l ol' New York State, with its shrinking violet politicians and its Aw Shucksy down-home folkiness. But Rep. Charlie Rangel's recent improprieties have sort of dragged New York kicking and screaming back into the limelight. And, since it's already here, we might as well use this opportunity to examine it through a Colbert-approved politiscope. 'Cause who knows when we'll be hearing from it again…

    Eliot Spitzer: Spitzer Sandwich

    The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

    Read More »

    Tags: Caroline Kennedy, Carolyn Maloney, Charlie Rangel, Dan Maffei, David Paterson, Eliot Spitzer, Hillary Clinton, House of Representatives, John Hall, Kirsten Gillibrand, Maurice Hinchley, New York, Senate, Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report, Video
  • Women of Politics Comic Book Series to Take World by Storm

    I know that you're dying to find out exactly how the mild mannered Sarah Palin ended up getting bitten by the radioactive pit bull that turned her into Governor Maverick. I just know it

    In a new series designed to examine influential women who are "making and shaping modern history," Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton are the first political power players immortalized in the comic book production house's new Female Force series. The read follows the life of the two Washington femme fatales — in graphic novel form, of course…

    "These are very strong independent women that people want to know more about, and what better to teach younger kids about these role models than through comic books," says Bluewater Productions Vice President Jason Shultz.

    Apparently, before writing the Palin issue, the creators of Female Force did even more research into the Alaska governor's life than John McCain's campaign team did.

    And that's some!

    First lady Michelle Obama and Caroline Kennedy are the upcoming women to be featured in the series. The covers depict Michelle Obama sporting a sleeveless number amidst a White House backdrop…

    Unfortunately, the Caroline Kennedy issue is almost certain to be pulled from production at the last moment and replaced by an obscure one you've never heard of and almost certainly would not have paid for if given the choice.

    Tags: Alaska, Caroline Kennedy, Hillary Clinton, Men and Women, Michelle Obama, Sarah Palin
  • Some Lady Chosen to Replace Hillary Clinton in the Senate

    Believe it or not, New York Governor David Paterson seems to have actually made a decision on the empty senate seat for New York.

    I know! It seems crazy. I mean, the man has only had several months and a small roomful of advisers with which to make the choice. It kind of baffles the mind to imagine that anybody can make a single decision under those circumstances…

    Gov. David A. Paterson has selected Representative Kirsten Gillibrand, a 42-year-old congresswoman from upstate who is known for bold political moves and centrist policy positions, to fill the United States Senate seat vacated by Hillary Rodham Clinton, according to a person who spoke to the governor early Friday.

    The governor will announce his selection at noon in Albany. An aide to Ms. Gillibrand confirmed that she had accepted the appointment.

    I looked her up, and Kirsten Gillibrand does appear to be an actual person who actually currently holds a seat in the U.S. House of Representatives. I have not yet been able to determine which former U.S. President she's related to. But I'll keep at it.

    So, when exactly did Patterson, "never had any intention of picking [Caroline] Kennedy," make this important decision? Must have been at least a week ago, Right? Back when he promised us a decision right after inauguration. (I'm not sure, but I think that blind people can't see time. So, today still counts as right after the inauguration.)

    Well, no…

    Mr. Paterson made his final decision shortly before 2 a.m. Friday after a marathon series of phone calls and deliberations with his top aides, according to the person who spoke to him. He began making phone calls to other contenders about 9 p.m., and had notified most of the other contenders by midnight. By then, the only two candidates who had not heard from Mr. Paterson were Ms. Gillibrand and Randi Weingarten, the president of the United Federation of Teachers.

    That's how I like my senators chosen. The same way I like my Sophomore year philosophy papers written. At the last conceivable second.

    Update: According to the Huffington Post (which I'm just noticing posted its article on Gillibrand last night at 8:16 pm), Paterson chose Gillibrand last Friday night, which of course leads to the inevitable question: What the fuck? Why did he wait a full week before telling us and having her get to work? Is this not, like, an important thing? ("Oh, yeah, my choice for senator. I'll get around to telling people about that eventually.")

    This would also mean that when, on Wednesday, Caroline Kennedy "dropped out" of consideration for the empty seat, she had already been informed that she was no longer under consideration for the empty seat.

    That's sort of like the Philadelphia Eagles dropping out of competition for the Super Bowl today, nearly a week after having been beaten by the Arizona Cardinals. (On a related note: No, I'm not at all upset about the Eagles not going to the Super Bowl. They didn't even want to go. That's why they just dropped out of competition today.)

    (photo via New York Times)

    Tags: Caroline Kennedy, David Paterson, Hillary Clinton, House of Representatives, Kirsten Gillibrand, New York, Senate
  • Caroline Kennedy Dropped Out for Completely Boring, Non-Dead Hobo Reasons

    Well, it's not a dead hobo in the basement.

    But, ya know, few things are

    Problems involving taxes and a household employee surfaced during the vetting of Caroline Kennedy and derailed her candidacy for the Senate, a person close to Gov. David A. Paterson said on Thursday, in an account at odds with Ms. Kennedy’s own description of her reasons for withdrawing.

    This is kind of embarrassing for New York Governor David Paterson, what with him all but having handed the position to Kennedy.

    Oh, wait. What's that? Oh…

    The person close to the governor said Mr. Paterson “never had any intention of picking Kennedy” because he had come to consider her unready for the job.

    You know what? I actually believe him. But only in that I don't think he ever had any intention of picking anybody for the job.

    My guess is that when he absolutely has to make a choice, he put all the possible names on the wall, take a dart and then appoint whichever one of his staffers he accidentally nails in the eye.

    Tags: Caroline Kennedy, David Paterson, New York, Senate