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Census
  • Barack Obama Checks the Most Important Box of His Life


    Remember, back in late 2008, those news stories about Barack Obama being America's first black president? And all those times Barack Obama's opponents cleverly used his race to inspire non-racist commentary about the issues? And even before that, when pollsters told President John McCain not to worry about his ratings, because who'd vote for the black guy, anyway?

    All of this was premature. We didn't even know Barack Obama was really black until just the other day

    A White House spokesman confirmed that Mr. Obama, the son of a black father from Kenya [Ed. note: That's in Africa] and a white mother from Kansas [Ed. note: That's in America], checked African-American on the 2010 census questionnaire.

    Mr. Obama could have checked white, checked both black and white, or checked the last category on the form, "some other race," which he would then have been asked to identify in writing.

    I'm sure there are some people out there who are upset about the president's decision to declare himself this way, but the fact is, government forms are challenging for people whose identities don't fit neatly into a single box.

    Well, maybe someday the Census will be expanded so people like Barack Obama will be represented with a category that describes them more accurately. ("Socialist-American," duh.)


    Tags: Barack Obama, Census, Racism
  • How Have We All Been So Very Wrong About Michele Bachman and Ron Paul?

    I know that, in the past, I have been somewhat critical of Reps. Michele Bachmann and Ron Paul. I know that I have accused them of using mindless theatrics and/or short-sighted ideologies — like, for example, their crusades warn Americans of the dire consequences of filling out the U.S. census form. — to stir up their bases to no real and useful end.

    Well, I am not too proud to admit when I am wrong, and I have been very, very wrong about these two

    According to the data collected by the U.S. Census Bureau, Texas is running well behind the national averages on getting their census forms filled out and turned in. And no, its not the African-Americans and Latinos we historically undercount due to non-participation, Rather, it’s the protestors who have listened to people like Bachmann and Paul to their own, distinct determent…

    Currently, about 34% of the nation's citizens have filed their census report. Clearly, these Texas communities – along with the entire state (only 27% of all Texans have filed) – are falling well below the national average.

    So, it's now looking like Texas may lose the chance to gain four additional congressional seats (not to mention electoral votes) in areas that are most likely to succumb to federalphobia (i.e. the most fiercely Republican ones), and it's due, in large part, to the tireless efforts of Michele Bachmann and Ron Paul.

    You know, if we only had a hundred more congresspeople like Bachmann and Paul… We'd probably have no congresspeople like Bachmann and Paul.


    Tags: Census, Electoral College, House of Representatives, Michele Bachmann, Minnesota, Ron Paul, Texas
  • Sulu and Sulu's Dorky Husband Want You to Queer Up the Census

    Isn't it bad enough that the U.S. Census is an un-American, authoritarian, Orwellian, socialist ploy to deliver all your important name-and-date-of-birth-formation right into Comrade Obama's clutches?

    Did they really have to make it a gay un-American, authoritarian, Orwellian, socialist ploy to deliver all your important name-and-date-of-birth-formation right into Comrade Obama's clutches?

    This ad, I'm certain, will be hugely effective with the ginormous gay nerd demographic.

    (via Balloon Juice)


    Tags: Census, LGBT, Marriage Equality, Star Trek
  • Stephen Colbert Fills Out His Census Form on T.V. so as Not to Be Drone Missiled by the U.N.

    Oh my God! The census form is coming from inside the house! From inside the house! Get out of there before or you'll be counted for sure! Run!!!!



    The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.


    Tags: Census, Glenn Beck, House of Representatives, Immigration, Michele Bachmann, Michelle Malkin, Military, Racism, Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report, United Nations
  • Don't Tell the Census Taker about Your Hot Pockets or the Llamas

    Attn. Michele Bachmann and other privacy-minded Americans: if you do not fill out your census form, the government may send someone to your home, onto your actual property, to ask you a series of questions for the express purpose of threatening your district with Congressional representation and funding. In order to avoid this Socialist/Hitler-type fate, you will want to avoid answering certain Census questions. But which ones?

    The Morning News has published this helpful list, which reads in part…

    15. How many Hot Pockets are in your refrigerator or ice box right now?

    16. Oh no, that is sad, did your gay cousin or mother-in-law eat all your Hot Pockets?

    17. But seriously, don’t worry about the missing Hot Pockets, do you know what’s inside those friendly little pockets, for real?

    18. Oh, was that all you had around to eat today while waiting for the unemployment?

    You'll want to print the entire list and keep it in your wallet in case of emergency. The thing about these census takers is you never know when they're going to strike… and they look just like us.


    Tags: Census