Magic Weatherman Barack Obama Sees the Future, Says Charles Krauthammer

Barack Obama's speech accepting his party's nomination for president has been moved from its original location in "Black Panther" Stadium to the indoor environs of the Time Warner Center. Fear of lightning strikes is the official reason for the move, though the underlying cause is probably Providential revenge for lame jokes about Hurricane Isaac's disruption of the Republican Convention.

But don't fret, the folks at Fox News — where the forecast always calls for a high of stupid with a chance of crazy — have the lowdown on the real reason for the move…

"It wasn't the weather, they knew what the weather was going to be months ago. This was clearly a response to the fear of a sea of empty seats, and that's why this is being done," [Charles] Krauthammer said.

Risky argument on Krauthammer's part. I suspect voters would respect a president with that kind of foresight.

Tags: Barack Obama, Charles Krauthammer, Democratic National Convention, Fox News, Weather

Herman Cain Discovers Secret Motivation Behind Harassment Allegations: Racism!

Things are really unwinding fast for Herman Cain since allegations of sexual harassment came to light earlier this week.

We now know that an alleged victim of harassment was paid a year's salary by the National Restaurant Association to shut up and amscray. We know that a third employee of the NRA (not to be confused with the NRA) has come forward with similar allegations of harassment. And we know that a Republican pollster has come forward claiming to have witnessed some of this alleged behavior of Cain's. What to make of all this?

Obviously, there's only one explanation for all this: Racism!

In an email we received from Americans for Herman Cain Campaign Director Jordan Gehrke earlier today, all was made clear as an azure sky of deepest summer…

Clarence Thomas called it a "high tech lynching" 20 years ago. That's exactly what they're doing to Herman Cain today. This is nothing but an attempt to smear Cain's reputation and character.

This is what the Left always does. They hated Clarence Thomas. They hated Allen West when he ran in 2010. And now they hate Herman Cain. The Left spews such hatred at black conservatives because they know that if the GOP ever breaks the Democrat stranglehold on the black vote, they are DONE as a party.

Woof! That's some pretty heavy accusations against the left right there. Especially since I don't think anyone from the left is even involved in this so far.

You've got to wonder how a guy like Herman Cain — who, just a few months ago, pointed out how "ridiculous" accusations of racism in the Tea Party were – is going to react to heated divisive rhetoric like that coming from his own PAC. Turns out Cain addressed this issue head-on yesterday when conservative columnist Charles Krauthammer asked him if he believed that the horrific specter of racism was at work behind these allegations…

"I believe the answer is yes, but we do not have any evidence to support it. But because I am unconventional candidate running an unconventional campaign and achieving some unexpected unconventional results in terms of my, the poll, we believe that, yes, there are some people who are Democrats, liberals, who do not want to see me win the nomination. And there could be some people on the right who don't want to see me because I'm not the, quote/unquote, 'establishment candidate.' No evidence…

"Relative to the left I believe race is a bigger driving factor. I don't think it's a driving factor on the right. This is just based upon our speculation."

Well, there you have it. I don't think I need to tell you how hard it is to refute a claim that is backed by "no evidence." I mean, a little bit of evidence — even minor circumstantial evidence — you can build a case against that. But no evidence? Backed up by a healthy dose of speculation? Good luck. Not a chance of beating a case like that.

Looks like Herman Cain comes out on top* again.

.

^{* To be clear, by "on top," we are not in any way making any suggestions of anything approaching impropriety. We are merely pointing out the position**, relative to his accusers, in which Mr. Cain now finds himself.}

^{** By "position" we are not in any way referring to– You know what? Nevermind. Think what you want.}

Photo by Steve Pope/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Tags: Charles Krauthammer, Herman Cain, Primaries, Racism, Republicans, Scandalgate

From the Pork Barrel: Santorum Wants In So Bad

* Rick Santorum set to push aside political waste, officially thrust self into tight GOP race.

* Charles Krauthammer urges Rep. Paul Ryan to jump into 2012 presidential race while country still loves his anti-Medicare budget plan.

* Former congressperson and Green Party presidential candidate Cynthia McKinney turns up on pro-Qaddafi Libyan television station in effort to make people "understand what is happening here," see her on television.

* Texas governor not particularly popular among Texans.

Photo by Darren McCollester/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Tags: Charles Krauthammer, Cynthia McKinney, Green Party, House of Representatives, Medicare, Muammar Qaddafi, Paul Ryan, Pork Barrel, Primaries, Republicans, Rick Perry, Rick Santorum, Texas

Jon Stewart Needs to Warn Bret Baier Stright About Fox News's Agenda

You can't really blame Bret Baier for not being aware of what his channel is peddling to the American people every day. If I didn't have to, I'd never watch the channel either…

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11/10c.

Tags: Bret Baier, Charles Krauthammer, Fox, Jon Stewart, NPR, The Daily Show, Video, Wyatt Cenac

President Obama Blows a Perfect Bumper Sticker Opportunity

It's no secret that President Obama has lost a lot of support among his once-enthusiastic base. Some say it's because of his failure to lead on health care reform. Others blame his reneging on his CSPAN promise. Still others cite his handling of Afghanistan. But maybe the base is really bailing because Obama has forgotten how to speak in catchy bumper-sticker-ready phrases. After all, isn't that why we voted for him in the first place?

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

Tags: Barack Obama, Charles Krauthammer, Fox, Jon Stewart, Karl Rove, Sean Hannity, The Daily Show, Video, Yemen