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Chuck Norris
  • Chuck Norris, the Political Thinking Type Person of Our Time

    Wayne Gladstone uses his amazing skills at counting and hating to break down everything that's wrong with this Chuck Norris/Glenn Beck interview…

    Tags: Chuck Norris, Fox, Glenn Beck, Video
  • Sarah Palin Facts

    In the spirit of Chuck Norris, here is a collection of facts about Sarah Palin from some of the folks from

    • Sarah Palin’s brain is three times the size of Joe Biden’s. It’s science.
    • Sarah Palin knows how old the Chinese gymnasts are.
    • Sarah Palin’s presence in the lower 48 means the Arctic ice cap can finally return.
    • Sarah Palin fishes salmon by convincing them it’s in their interest to jump into the boat.
    • The Northern Lights are really just the reflection from Sarah Palin’s eys.
    • Sarah Palin is the “other” whom Yoda spoke about.
    • Sarah Palin got Tom Brady pregnant, and then left him.
    • Sarah Palin doesn’t need a gun to hunt. She has been known to throw a bullet through an adult bull elk.
    • Sarah Palin wears glasses lest her uncontrollable optic blasts slaughter everyone.
    • Chuck Norris wishes he was Sarah Palin trapped in a man’s body.

    Read the rest of the list at

    Tags: Chuck Norris, RNC, Sarah Palin, Star Wars
  • The Mike Huckabee Countdown Clock of Mystery

    huckclock.jpgOn Tuesday, April 15 at exactly noon (EDT), the countdown clock on Mike Huckabee's official website will wind down to nothing.

    And what then? What then, indeed?

    Indecision reader Andrew Patchell — who supplied us with the tip — speculates…

    Is it the rapture? A countdown until he and Chuck Norris take the presidency by force? Or maybe just a site remake.

    I'm thinking it's probably not the Rapture, because I don't think he'd tell a bunch of pagans like us about it. I'm not, however, prepared to rule out the Chuck Norris/ass-kicking revolution thing or the site remake. Both of which seem incredibly exciting!

    According to MSNBC

    Some have suggested he could play a leading role in galvanizing religious conservatives, or that he could launch a program around his Fair Tax proposal (his big rollout is on Tax Day). Others believe he may become a political commentator or host a television show. His name has also been mentioned as a running mate for McCain.

    Huckabee's daughter, Sarah, reiterated that the former Arkansas governor is not running for anything this year — the filing deadline to run for Senate in his home state has passed — and said the countdown is for the launch of Huckabee's new Web site.

    Oh, so it looks like it's going to be the site remake then! Awesome! I wonder what font he'll use. Oh, and I hope it has drop-down menus. Those are hot!

    Tags: Chuck Norris, John McCain, Mike Huckabee
  • Who's a Bigger Tool? Bill Clinton or Chuck Norris?

    How is a presidential candidate supposed to rebuild America into a great and powerful nation without some really big tools? Luckily, many of the candidates have some really, really big tools. Take, for example, Bill Clinton and Chuck Norris? Don't get us wrong, they're both massive tools. But which one's the massivest tool?

    Why don't you tell us? Go to our Both Sides, Now! page and argue your case. Upload a video in which you lay out the finer points of your argument, or just vote on other people's arguments.

    Tags: Bill Clinton, Chuck Norris
  • Stepford Twins for Huckabee

    Science might be a malevolent, secularizing force when it's teaching people about… well, science — you know, the way the universe works and shit — but two creepily handsome twin teenagers are harnessing its evil powers to get their favorite science-fearing, science-not-believing-in, science-trying-to-get-rid-of candidate Mike Huckabee into the White House.

    Alex and Brett Harris, homeschooled evangelical Christian twin teens from a Portland, Oregon suburb, built the website with their God-given understanding of science and technology as a grassroots means of pooling the support of all the other good people around the country who similarly wish to do away with science and technology.

    It was an e-mail blast from the twins and their volunteer colleagues that won Huckabee the endorsement of roundhouse-kicking GOP celeb Chuck Norris — and the teen activists are building a highly organized national army of ground troops to support their candidate…

    "If we didn't think there was a higher standard, we wouldn't be interested in writing," Alex says. "Ultimately, it's in vain if God's not involved in it — the reason we're doing it is because we see God behind it."

    And it's a good thing the Harris twins are around to give God a hand like this, because He's still working off a dial-up connection with an AOL account. There's, like, one angel in all of Heaven who knows anything about web design, and he just barely knows how to use Java. It takes a while for tech stuff to make it all the way up there.

    Tags: Chuck Norris, Mike Huckabee