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Chuck Schumer
  • How Mitt Romney Would Have Been Inaugurated

    A 407,000 vote swing in four states on Election Day and this wouldn't be Barack Obama's big day. Instead, we'd be covering the inauguration of one Willard Mitt Romney.

    Remarkably, things wouldn't be that different.

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    Tags: Barack Obama, Chuck Schumer, Food, Inauguration, Mitt Romney, Music
  • Sandy Scalpers Join Long Line of Douchebags

    The proceeds from the "121212"  concert, featuring Eddie Vedder, the Who, Paul McCartney, Kanye West, Alicia Keys and Bruce Springsteen, are intended to benefit the victims of Superstorm Sandy. So it's especially heartening to see a ticket sold for $60,000.

    Except the ticket was sold on the secondary market by scalpers and almost none of the money will reach its rightful beneficiaries because everything is terrible.

    Motivated by outrage–and, perhaps, his sixth sense for media attention–Sen. Chuck Schumer is calling for online sellers like StubHub to prohibit sales of charity tickets. In the meantime, the Sandy concert scalpers have joined a long, undistinguished list of assholes who have tried to ruin charity events in the past:

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    Tags: Chuck Schumer, Hurricane Sandy, Money, Music
  • Senate Dems Pass Middle Class Tax Cut So House GOP Can Kill It

    harry reidConsidering that Vice President Joe Biden was sent by the White House to preside of the Senate vote for the President's precious middle class break cut yesterday, you've got to assume they're counting it as important legislation. Especially so since the Democrats were actually able to get their shit together enough pass the bill 51 to 48. So, they must really see the value in lowering taxes for people who are struggling in these tim–

    Oh, wait. Sorry, I had a minor aneurism there. They must really see the value in this as a political cudgel

    The measure is dead on arrival in the Republican-controlled House, where leaders are preparing to vote next week on their own plan to extend the George W. Bush-era tax cuts for households at every income level through 2013.

    But Democratic lawmakers said the Senate’s 51-48 vote is a political breakthrough that strengthens their election-year argument that Republicans are holding tax cuts for the middle class hostage in order to maintain breaks worth $160,000 a year to the average millionaire.

    "If House Republicans insist on blocking our middle-class tax cuts, that is a debate we are willing to have. That is a debate we welcome," Sen. Charles Schumer (D-N.Y.) said in a speech on the Senate floor. For more than a decade, Republicans "have conflated tax cuts for the middle class and tax cuts for the very wealthy. This bill breaks that vice."

    Yes, if House Republicans insist on blocking our middle class tax cuts — and I would like to see them try… Honestly. Give it a shot, House Republicans! It's really easy, just don't don't raise your hands when call the vote. I mean, like, come on, you know you wanna knock this one down. For real, right? I mean, come on! Our whole campaign strategy is banking on this. Don't fuck up our plans here! – that is a debate we are willing to have.

    Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: Chuck Schumer, Democrats, Senate, Taxes
  • Quote Unquote: Arizona Immigration Victory

    Gov. Jan Brewer celebrates a strong conservative victory in today's SCOTUS opinion


    "Today's decision by the U.S. Supreme Court is a victory for the rule of law. It is also a victory for the 10th Amendment and all Americans who believe in the inherent right and responsibility of states to defend their citizens."


    Sen. Chuck Schumer celebrates a strong liberal victory in today's SCOTUS opinion


    "This is as strong a repudiation of the Arizona law as one could expect given that the law has not been implemented yet. Three linchpins of the Arizona law were struck down by a convincing majority of the Court as clearly violating federal law, and a fourth is on thin legal ice."


    Today is a good day to be a conservative/liberal.

    Related: Supreme Court Strikes Down/Upholds Arizona Immigration Law

    Tags: Arizona, Chuck Schumer, Immigration, Jan Brewer, Judiciary, Quote Unquote, Senate, Supreme Court
  • Chuck Schumer Running Out of Fun Things to Ban

    Chuck SchumerContra Ronald Reagan, the government is often a bulwark of personal security and social stability, but it's nevertheless true that the most dangerous words in the English language next to "I'm from the government and I'm here to help" and "think of the children" are "somebody should do something."

    Most often that somebody is New York Senator Chuck Schumer. And that something is usually a ban on fun.

    However, unlike fellow politician-cum-babysitter Mike Bloomberg, whose penchant for paternalism extends to legislation that appeals to editorial boards and expert opinion but doesn't sit well with a majority of his constituents, Schumer targets causes popular with his middle-class suburban base. Wherever there's a father of two frowning over a local news story story about the kids these days, Chuck Schumer is there. Wherever the words "there ought to be a law," escape the lips of PTA mom, Chuck Schumer is there.

    Your mission, should you choose to accept it: read the following statements and determine whether the quote is fabricated, or if Chuck Schumer was there…

    1. Caffeine inhalers: "I am worried about how a product like this impacts kids and teens, who are particularly vulnerable to over-using a product that allows one to take hit-after-hit-after-hit, in rapid succession."

    2. Four Loko: "Parents should be able to rest a little easier knowing that soon their children won't have access to this deadly brew."

    3. Prepaid cell phones: "This proposal is overdue because for years, terrorists, drug kingpins and gang members have stayed one step ahead of the law by using prepaid phones that are hard to trace."

    4. Synthetic marijuana and "bath salts": "Let this be a warning to those who make a profit manufacturing and selling killer chemical components to our teens and children: the jig is up."

    5. Metal grill brushes: "Metal bristles are one topping no one wants on their burger this holiday season…Grilling season should be a great time for the whole family, not a time to be worried about an emergency visit to the hospital."

    Answers: Surprise! It's Chuck Schumer, all the way down. (Yes, grill brushes.)

    Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: Alcohol, Chuck Schumer, Drugs, Food