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CIA
  • Charlie Wilson Is Funding Secret Wars Against Soviet Souls in Heaven Now

    Sad news. Former Congressperson Charlie Wilson — the Texas Democrat who, along with Philip Seymour Hoffman, made it his mission in life to fund Afghan mujahideen freedom fighters well enough that they could wage a secret war against their Soviet occupiers — has died today at the age of 76

    Mr. Wilson's clandestine support for the Central Intelligence Agency's effort to arm Afghan mujahideen fighters inspired a book and a movie titled "Charlie Wilson's War." The movie starred Tom Hanks as Mr. Wilson.

    Mr. Wilson represented his East Texas district from 1973 to 1997, and served on the House Appropriations Committee. From that position, Mr. Wilson forged alliances with powerful members of Congress, and with operatives in the CIA, to send weapons to the Afghan resistance capable of bringing down Soviet helicopters, according to George Crile's book. The defeat of the Soviet Army in Afghanistan and its retreat in 1988 was a turning point in the Cold War. As recounted in Mr. Crile's book, some of the Afghan fighters aided by the CIA and Mr. Wilson's efforts later turned on the U.S.

    Here's some footage from Charlie Wilson later in life, after he left Congress and restarted his career as a black R&B singer…

    Smooth as silk.


    Tags: Afghanistan, Charlie Wilson, CIA, House of Representatives, Russia, Taliban
  • Jon Stewart on the Underwear Bomber

    It's been said that big news often uncannily happens when The Daily Show is off the air. For example, the Hindenburg conspicuously crashed sixty years before the show even premiered. Well, as you know, this recent holiday hiatus was no different; The Daily Show went on vacation, and a dude tried to blow up a plane with a chode-bomb. So last night, the show returned (in HD!) and Jon Stewart made up for lost time, taking on the story from all angles.



    The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.


    Tags: CIA, Dan Burton, Homeland Security, Jon Stewart, Karl Rove, Pete Hoekstra, Peter King, Richard Reid, Terrorism, The Daily Show, Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, Video, Yemen
  • From the Pork Barrel: Verses

    * New Jersey vs. The Gays.

    *Jerry Falwell vs. George Washington.

    * Barack Obama vs. Fox News.

    * Jay-Z (featuring Drake) vs. Bill O'Reilly & Rush Limbaugh.

    * Leon Panetta vs. Accountability.


    Tags: Barack Obama, Bill O'Reilly, CIA, Fox, George Washington, Jerry Falwell, Leon Panetta, LGBT, Marriage Equality, New Jersey, Pork Barrel, Rush Limbaugh, Torture
  • What's the Real Reason That the CIA Is Assassinating All Our Kings of Pop?


    Why is my tax money going toward government organizations shooting death rays from outer space at aging pop musicians? This is like the Carter administration all over again.

    FSB sources are reporting to President Medvedev today that American pop icon Michael Jackson was "most assuredly" assassinated by the US Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) after an examination of data transmitted by a Russian Military's Kosmos 2450 satellite show "conclusively" that immediately prior to the music stars death in Los Angeles an electromagnetic pulse consistent in pattern to EMR weapons looted from the former Soviet Union by the United States was employed at the "exact coordinates" of the rock stars home.

    Hmmm… That seems slightly implausible. But I'm going to give these unnamed Russian sources the benefit of the doubt, because I've never been burnt by unnamed Russian sources before.

    Obviously, the CIA has, like, a million billion reasons to use top secret stolen Soviet satellite weapons technology to assassinate the guy who sang "Smooth Criminal." The only real problem is narrowing them down to one…

    Read More »


    Tags: CIA, Michael Jackson, Russia, WMDs
  • Dick Cheney Still Being Secretive About His Top Secret Secrets

    dick-cheney-waving
    Over the weekend the New York Times dropped this bombshell: Seems former vice president Dick Cheney had, for eight years, told insiders at the CIA to hide a "secret counterterrorism program" from, let's see here… everybody on earth.

    CIA chief Leon Panetta just found out about this thing a couple weeks ago, and he finally gave Congress the heads up, but even Leon Panetta won't/can't tell us what, precisely, Cheney's "secret counterterrorism program" entailed — though it was most likely part of an effort to kill Al Qaeda operatives. (Perhaps by draining their bodies of life-force before moving on to the next host?)

    So, um, anybody want to comment?

    Efforts to reach Mr. Cheney through relatives and associates were unsuccessful. [...] An intelligence agency spokesman, Paul Gimigliano, declined on Saturday to comment on the report of Mr. Cheney’s role. [...] Bill Harlow, a spokesman for George J. Tenet, who was the C.I.A. director when the unidentified program began, declined to comment on Saturday, noting that the program remained classified. [...] [Cheney's legal adviser David S.] Addington could not be reached for comment on Saturday.

    If I didn't know better, I might say that Rep. Pete Hoekstra (R-MI) sounds a bit frustrated…

    Mr. Hoekstra, the intelligence committee’s ranking Republican, said he would not judge the agency harshly in the case of the unidentified program, because it was not fully operational. But he said that in general, the agency had not been as forthcoming as the law required.

    “We have to pull the information out of them to get what we need,” Mr. Hoekstra said.

    Right! If only we had some sort of organized program for advanced interrogation techniques that are designed to extract critical information from high-level suspects.

    Oh, but what are the odds of that.


    Tags: CIA, Dick Cheney, Leon Panetta, New York Times, Pete Hoekstra