Bill Clinton Can Only Be President of Your Heart

There have to be less onerous ways to atone for one's sins than appearing on CNN's Piers Morgan — Jews manage to get away with just a daylong fast — but there Bill Clinton was, speaking to Morgan at the Clinton Global Initiative and considering a return to presidential politics…

There are only two countries I'm eligible to run for the leadership position is if I move to Ireland and buy a house, I can — I can run for president of Ireland, because of my Irish heritage.

And because I was born in Arkansas, which is part of the Louisiana Purchase, any person anywhere in the world that was born in a place that ever was part of the French empire, if you move to — if you live in France for six months and speak French, you can run for president.

As with many things that come out of Clinton's mouth, this has the distinction of being  both utterly charming and complete bullshit.

Irish law requires that at least one parent or grandparent be an Irish citizen at the time of your birth to generate a claim of citizenship through "heritage." As for the electoral chances of President of the French Republic Le Bubba, residents of former French territories are no longer eligible to apply for citizenship without going through the regular naturalization process.

For better or worse, the closest Clinton will come to a presidency is Barack Obama's ongoing campaign to convince voters he's running Clinton's third term.

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Related: Romney's Tax Issues Linked to Bill Clinton's Underwear, Obviously

Photo by Johannes Simon/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Tags: Bill Clinton, CNN, France, Ireland, Piers Morgan

Peter King Unapologetic for "Apology Tour" Comment

Look, Rep. Peter King knows an "apology tour" when he sees one. And all those supposed facts that you fact-checkers check with your fact-checking machines don't mean a goddamn thing, because an "apology tour" is something that you feel in your heart…

Soledad O'Brien: Everybody keeps talking about this apology tour and apologies from the president.

Rep. Peter King: It is.

O'Brien: I'm trying to find the words I'm sorry, I apologize in any of those speeches. Which I have the text of all those speeches in front of me. None of those speeches at all, if you go to factcheck.org which we check in a lot, they all say the same thing. They fact check this.

King: I don't care what fact check says.

O'Brien: There are fact checks. You may not care, but they're a fact checker. I'm reading the speeches.

King: No. Soledad, what I'm saying is any common sense interpretation of those speeches, the president's apologizing for the American position. That's the apology tour.

Little did Soledad O'Brien know, but Peter King is actually the world's leading authority on recognizing apology tours. And don't bother looking that up with your fact-checkers. Just accept it.

Tags: Barack Obama, CNN, Middle East, Peter King, Soledad O'Brien

Indecision Delegates: Jordan & Jared on CNN [VIDEO]

After two weeks on the ground in Tampa and Charlotte, embedded in both the Republican and Democratic national conventions, Indecision delegates Jared Logan and Jordan Carlos took a few minutes to talk with CNN's Don Lemon about what they experienced with their own four eyes.

Related: Indecision Delegates: Inside the DNC

Tags: CNN, Democratic National Convention, Don Lemon, Jared Logan, Jordan Carlos, Republican National Convention

John Sununu and CNN Telecommunicate Between Alternate Realities

Wow! All of CNN's envelope-pushing technological experiments — giant iPads, holograms, walk-through pie charts, Wolf Blitzer beard enhancements — seem to really be paying off. Looks like the cable channel's team of scientists have managed to figure out how to communicate through a combination of campaign talking points and quantum political spin live via satellite across different realities in the Multiverse! Amazing!

Here, watch as CNN anchor Soledad O'Brien and Mitt Romney surrogate discuss Barack Obama's, Mitt Romney's and Paul Ryan's Medicare plans, as each person is dealing with two completely distinct and non-overlapping sets of facts!

Wow! That is some mind-blowing stuff. My one criticism of O'Brien's interview is that she didn't ask Sununu what ice cream tastes like in his universe. I have this theory that it might taste like sardines. Just a hunch.

Tags: Budget, CNN, John Sununu, Mitt Romney, Nerdiness, Paul Ryan, Soledad O'Brien

From the Pork Barrel: Legislation Vacation

* Today marks the beginning of the U.S. Congress' five-week paid vacation. As they're co-employer, I kinda wish they'd asked my permission, but I do begrudgingly have to admit that they've totally earned it.

* House Republicans are now planning to file a civil suit against Eric Holder over the Fast and Furious scandal. If this doesn't work, they'll be left with no recourse but to bring the matter to Judge Judy. And everyone is hoping to avoid anything so draconian, I'm sure.

* You'll be happy to know that the Democrats are doing their damnedest to close the offending-Hispanic-voters-before-November gap.

* Download our free iPhone and iPad app Indecision Election Companion and jump up into the the Peanut Gallery — our liveblog/instant reaction arena — to watch and respond with us as Sen. Lindsey Graham appears on CNN's State of the Union this Sunday morning at 9/8c. We're pretty sure this is exactly how Candy Crowley got her start.

Photo by Mark Wilson/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Tags: CNN, Democrats, Eric Holder, House of Representatives, Judiciary, Lindsey Graham, Pork Barrel, Republicans, Senate