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Colin Powell
  • Al Qaeda Maybe Not as Enlightened and Tolerant as Previously Assumed

    After so recently witnessing such a momentous sea change in the emerging post-racial world, it really sucks to learn something like this

    Al-Qaida's No. 2 leader used a racial epithet to insult Barack Obama in a message posted Wednesday, describing the president-elect in demeaning terms that imply he does the bidding of whites…

    In al-Qaida's first response to Obama's victory, [Ayman] al-Zawahri also called the president-elect — along with secretaries of state Colin Powell and Condoleezza Rice — "house negroes."

    This is very disappointing. Very, very disappointing. I was really hoping that our international terrorists had turned a corner as far as race relations were concerned.

    After years and years of targeting specific ethnic and religious groups, such as Israeli Jews, Hindi Indians and Muslim each others, it seemed that on September 11th, 2001, they'd made a huge leap forward in their shameful ideology by wantonly and mercilessly killing thousands of innocent people in the World Trade Center without regard for race, creed or nationality.

    That's why al-Zawahri's recent remarks about Obama, Rice and Powell come as such a blow. Where are the enlightened religious fundamentalist mass-murderers we thought we knew?

    This all just goes to show that now, more than ever, we need Change in our al-Qaeda leadership. That's why I'm endorsing Malasian terrorist Mohamad Farik Amin as the next leader of the world's most prominent hate organization. Under Amin's watch, can we — all of us: white, black, Asian, arab, Jew and Muslim — cower under the fear that we will meet some random and undeserved death? Yes, we can!

    Remember: We are the people we've been waiting to kill!

    Let's go change the world.

    Tags: 9/11, al Qaeda, Barack Obama, Colin Powell, Condoleezza Rice, Terrorism
  • Mainstream Liberal Media Shocked to Learn White Voters Supporting Barack Obama

    In an article entitled "Level of White Support for Obama a Surprise", the New York Times' John Harwood expressed shock yesterday that Barack Obama was receiving some support from white voters. Apparently, their recent polling indicates that certain white Americans have hinted that they may consider voting for Obama, even though he is an admitted African-American.

    Meanwhile, the Los Angeles Times went even further in an article printed this morning claiming that some white voters even like the fact that Obama is a member of a racial minority, and have been inspired to vote for him because of it!

    These mainstream newspapers shouldn't be so surprised. After all, we've known for weeks that literally dozens of white people all across the country have announced that they will vote for Obama, including…

    * Joe Biden
    * Howard Dean
    * Rosie O'Donnell
    * Colin Powell
    * Bill Ayers
    * Obama's grandmother
    * Karl Marx

    The rest of the newspaper's investigations were much less surprising. In keeping with the status quo, their polls found that absolutely no senior citizens, veterans, or real Americans planned to vote for Obama.

    Tags: Barack Obama, Colin Powell, Howard Dean, Joe Biden, William Ayers
  • Is Rush Limbaugh Secretly Voting for Barack Obama?

    So, remember how, a few days ago, Encyclopedia Rush cracked the case of the mysterious Colin Powell endorsement of Barack Obama? (I don't want to spoil it for you, but it's because he's black.)

    "Secretary Powell says his endorsement is not about race… OK, fine. I am now researching his past endorsements to see if I can find all the inexperienced, very liberal, white candidates he has endorsed. I'll let you know what I come up with."

    Well, Jimmy Crackcorn (I don't think that's his real name), over at Daily Kos, decided to pitch in and help Rush Limbaugh root out all the other identifying conservatives who are voting for Barack Obama over John McCain… because he's black. The list includes such notable blackophiles as Christopher Buckley, Susan Eisenhower, Christopher Hitchens and Michael Smerconish.

    And here's some file footage of a bunch of other conservative African American activists who are voting for Barack Obama…

    Now, this all got me thinking. Why are all these people voting for Barack Obama solely because he's black. I puzzled and puzzled and puzzled…

    And then it hit! Maybe — just maybe — they're not really voting for Barack Obama because he's black. Maybe they're voting for Barack Obama… because they're using their brains… to think about which candidate they… prefer. Maybe Barack Obama's blackosity is nothing more than a red herring. That's just crazy enough to be possible.

    Okay, so, if that's the case, what does it mean? Could it mean that all those very intelligent people actually used their intelligence to weigh the options and came to the decision that Obama would be a better choice because of his temperament, economic policies and foreign relations positions? That seems unlikely, but I suppose it could be.

    And, if that's true, is it possible that lots of other intelligent people have come to the same conclusion? Maybe intelligent people who can't come out and say that they're voting for Barack Obama, because maybe their job is to go on the radio and rationalize blatant Republican partisanship to millions of blatant Republican partisans every day. Intelligent people who actually dropped their guard on air and gave America a look behind the curtain two years ago, vowing not to "carry the water" for the Republicans anymore if they couldn't get their act together. Intelligent people whose rating would drop to nil if they ever said a kind word about the Democratic nominee but know in the heart of hearts that John McCain is a good man and a war hero and all but really not a 21st Century president. And that his choice of Sarah Palin as a running mate is a sign of desperation and an ill-omen on how he would govern. Not to mention an idiot.

    I wonder if there are people like that out there. I'm not saying that there are. I'm just hypotenusing with my mind grapes.

    Anyway, we'll never know. So, let's move onto a more solvable puzzle, like The Mystery of Why Joe Lieberman is Voting for John McCain Just Because He's White.

    Tags: Barack Obama, Colin Powell, John McCain, Rush Limbaugh, Sarah Palin
  • John McCain Mines His Unpopularity for Comedy Gold

    We all know John McCain has a fantastic sense of humor.

    We also know that Colin Powell just endorsed Barack Obama, the American economy is in the tank (not the same tank as the media, a bigger one) and the McCain-Palin ticket is tanking in the polls (there are three separate tanks).

    As McCain explained to CNN's Wolf Blitzer last night, LOL!

    BLITZER: But on the economic issues, [Powell's] criticism was that you were going back and forth on some of the specific issues, and he didn't like that. He thought that Sen. Obama had a consistency in his approach.

    MCCAIN: Well, all I can do is laugh.


    Wait'll McCain hears the one about how his running mate has the highest negative rating of any VP candidate ever. It's hilarious.

    The punch line is "$150,000."

    Tags: CNN, Colin Powell, Economy, John McCain, Sarah Palin, Wolf Blitzer
  • The Colbert Report: Colin Powell Endorses Barack Obama

    In typical fashion, Colin Powell makes his decision based on race and endorses Barack Obama.

    Will this endorsement help Obama?

    Tags: Barack Obama, Colin Powell, Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report