Latest Posts

  • Quote Unquote: The Communist Threat

    Bill Clinton responds to Rep. Allen West's claim to knowledge of up to 80 communists in the congressional Democratic caucus


    "Nobody has seen a communist in over a decade."


    Maybe. But Emmanuel Goldstein is always out there… Lying in wait… Biding his time…

    Hanging out with that pig Snowball, no doubt.

    Tags: Allen West, Bill Clinton, Communism, House of Representatives, Quote Unquote
  • Birthers Divided on Whether or Not to Get Behind Ridiculous Nonsense

    Look, we all know that Barack Obama is a Kenya-born Muslim fundamentalist who forged birth certificates so as to falsely claim the presidency and bring the Great Satan down from the inside. Right? Simple obvious stuff. But, what if all that is not true?

    Hear me out! I know it sounds crazy, but what if he was actually… a Communist Terror Baby?!

    Dreams From My Real Father, a 97-minute film narrated by an Obama impersonator, weaves the narrative that Obama’s grandfather wasn't a furniture salesman but an undercover CIA agent who convinced Barack Obama Sr. to marry his teenage daughter to hide the fact that she was impregnated by a 55-year-old communist named Frank Marshall Davis…

    [T]he filmmakers assert that Obama had a nose job ahead of his 2004 run for Senate, that his mother posed for naked photos when she was five weeks pregnant with him and that Bill Ayers nurtured Obama's career.

    I haven't seen the film, but that all checks out with me. Seems about right. I guess I kinda always assumed something like that, you know?

    There's one glaring problem with this new conspiracy theory, though. How can he be the secret love child of an American Communist if he wasn't even born in America?

    [T]he suggestion that Obama really was born in Hawaii and that his father was an American citizen has some conspiracy theorists upset. Birther queen Orly Taitz is troubled by the film because it undermines the theory that Obama’s father had to be a U.S. citizen for him to be a "natural born citizen"… WND and Corsi, wrote Taitz, are "trying to kill the case by making up an American citizen father for Obama."

    Insidious stuff. I'll tell you who's behind it. Barack Obama. Or Boris Obamsky or whatever is real name is.

    Photo by Mike Theiler-Pool/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: Barack Obama, Birthers, Communism, Orly Taitz
  • President Obama's One Word Slogan Is a Dirty Commie

    It's a shame President Obama didn't type his new campaign slogan into Wikipedia before he announced it or he might have seen "Forward (generic name of socialist publications)" among the listings. Now, Republicans are clamoring to remind everyone that certain terms can have multiple connotations. For instance, if you say it often enough, "9/11" means "Saddam Hussein has WMDs."

    As this article based on an irrefutable Wikipedia page (edited 17 times today already) says

    "The name Forward carries a special meaning in socialist political terminology. It has been frequently used as a name for socialist, communist and other left-wing newspapers and publications," the online encyclopedia explains.

    The slogan "Forward!" reflected the conviction of European Marxists and radicals that their movements reflected the march of history, which would move forward past capitalism and into socialism and communism.

    The Obama campaign released its new campaign slogan Monday in a 7-minute video. The title card has simply the word "Forward" with the "O" having the familiar Obama logo from 2008. It will be played at rallies this weekend that mark the Obama re-election campaign's official beginning.

    Great. Every conservative pundit who believes President Obama secretly wants to turn this country into a *vomit burp* socialist democracy is going to have a field day with this tenuous word association.

    But it doesn't end there. After looking up "Hope" on Wikipedia, I learned it's the name of Israel's national anthem, and "Yes We Can" is a song featured in the video game Guitar Hero II. President's Obama's use of these words in 2008 can only mean one thing: He's going to destroy the free market with the help of rambunctious Israeli rock & roll band Monotonix!

    Maybe not, but you've got to hand it to the right. They really cover their tracks. If you search Wikipedia for "Ass-Backwards," it doesn't say anything about conservative ideology. Yet.

    Photo by Jewel Samad/AFP/Getty Images

    Tags: Barack Obama, Communism, Socialism
  • Allen West: 80 House Democrats Are Members of the Communist Party

    This campaign cycle is the worst sequel to Hot Tub Time Machine, ever. At least the '80s gave us E.T. and Super Mario Bros. Our present 1950s time warp is all about retrograde attitudes toward women, trouble with Russia and, naturally, a dollop of McCarthyism.

    The latter comes courtesy of Florida Republican and Sarah Palin's preferred Vice Presidential nominee Allen West, who told constituents at a Tuesday town hall in Palm City that he's "heard" that up to 80 of his Democratic colleagues in the House are Communist Party members. There's no word on whether he held a list of Democratic-Communists in his hand, but the Palm Beach Posts reports that "he wouldn't name names."

    West's comments are setting off a storm of snark, but it's important to remember that "up to 80" could mean "zero." As in, up to 10 Florida Congressmen have had carnal relations with dolphins. Up to 30 Senate Democrats drink the blood of aborted babies for brunch. Up to 80 House Republicans masturbate to pictures of Newt Gingrich cuddling with zoo animals.

    If you're going to speak in mathematical inequalities, you have to precise. As in, more than zero but less than two Florida congressmen have left the military after being charged with the torture of an Iraqi police officer.

    Photo by David Silverman/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: Allen West, Communism, Democrats, Florida, Republicans
  • Republicans Love Quoting Stalin

    "American exceptionalism." It's a phrase Republicans love to throw around, especially on the campaign trail. Rick Santorum and Mitt Romney pepper their speeches with references to United States' unique national character. And Newt Gingrich even included it in the title of one of his books.

    It turns out the candidates are just quoting a big ol' Communist

    Although a superiority complex has long pervaded the national psyche, the expression "American exceptionalism" only became big a few years ago…What's more, Tocqueville didn't invent the term. Who did? Joseph Stalin.

    In the 1920s… America's radical left considered the national condition, contrasted it with Europe, and concluded leftism would be a hard sell stateside thanks to characteristics forged along the frontier. Americans were different: individualistic, profit-crazed, broadly middle class, and as tolerant of inequality as they were reverent of economic freedom…

    In 1929, Communist leader Jay Lovestone informed Stalin in Moscow that the American proletariat wasn't interested in revolution. Stalin responded by demanding that he end this "heresy of American exceptionalism." And just like that, this expression was born.


    The GOP might have to dial back their rhetoric a bit. It's hard to call the President a lefty radical who wants to spread the wealth around when you're the one quoting the world's most famous communist dictator.

    Then again, maybe voters won't notice. If Rick Santorum gets his wish and young people stop going to college, no one will even know who Stalin is. Or what big words like "exceptionalism" and "hypocrisy" mean.

    Tags: Communism, History, Republicans, Russia, Socialism