Five Best Counties for Conservative Republicans

Few things are more painful than losing a hard-fought political campaign. Just about the only salve that can soothe the anguish — besides counting down the days to the 2016 Iowa Caucus — is the company of like-minded Americans who share your frustration at the Sharia socialist policies of the current president.

But what if you live in San Francisco or Cambridge or in some hippy-dippy Vermont township where rural white people refuse to vote the way Saint Ronnie Reagan ordained that rural white people vote? It may be time to move to friendlier environs. To help you with your real-estate decisions, here's some info about the five most Republican-leaning counties in America, as illuminated by the results of the 2012 election.

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Quote Unquote: Outnumbered and Losing Ground

Rush Limbaugh reflects on Tuesday's election results…

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"We have to face some truths, we have to face some reality. We are outnumbered and we are losing ground. This was not a glitch. This is the trend."

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Wait. So, is he claiming that the strategy of demonizing any person who took any issue with anything that any Republican did or said that he's been championing for the past four years is not successfully bringing people into the party?

I find that very hard to believe.

Herman Cain Demands Third Party for Novelty Candidates

The great post-election identity freak-out has begun. We all knew it was coming; we just didn't know which side of the ideological divide was going to be the featured player. As luck would have it, it's happening on the conservative side. Which is good for everybody, in my opinion, not just because shifting demographics show their brand to be in peril, but also because they are the funnier side.

Speaking of which, Herman Cain is very concerned that when the dust settles in his party, the general consensus could be that Republicans should focus on nominating candidates who are tethered to reality and rely more on reasoned policy choices than on fun-to-say catch phrases. I'm concerned about that, too. So, what we clearly need is a brand new party. One with impeccably hilarious standards. Because we will need a place for all of the Rick Santorums and Michele Bachmanns and Sarah Palins — or rodeo clown candidates — of the world…

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The Craziest Reactions to Barack Obama's Victory

For reasons unknown, President Obama did not take my advice and begin his victory speech with a call for Sharia law, slavery reparations and the adoption of French as the national language. But despite his conciliatory address, not everyone was pleased with Obama's re-election…

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Quote Unquote: Going Nuts

Sen. Lindsey Graham on the presumed Republican response to a possible Romney loss…

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"If I hear anybody say it was because Romney wasn’t conservative enough I'm going to go nuts. We're not losing 95 percent of African-Americans and two-thirds of Hispanics and voters under 30 because we're not being hard-ass enough."

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If I were him, I'd beat the rush and get myself fitted for a straight jacket today. I'm not really all that sure that Romney will win, but I'm a million percent sure that that will be the excuse.

Then, if Romney does win, he'll be able to sell it at a profit to pretty much any Democrat in D.C.