Latest Posts
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Skeeters Are the New Birthers
Ever since Barack Obama told the press that he shoots skeet at Camp David – "we do skeet shooting" is the technical term used by the President — there have been questions about Obama's true commitment to recreational shooting. But with the release of an official White House photo, the conversation has rapidly moved from herp to derp:
Tags: Barack Obama, Conspiracies, Guns -
Alex Jones Goes Full Alex Jones on Piers Morgan Show [VIDEO]
If I were Alex Jones, I'd think the Alex Jones appearance on last night's Piers Morgan show were a government conspiracy to discredit Alex Jones. Except no government agent could come up with a rant so vividly unhinged; it was definitely Jones doing the interview…
Tags: Alex Jones, CNN, Conspiracies, Guns, Piers Morgan -
9 Ways We're Dealing With the Mayan Apocalypse
The Mayan apocalypse is neither Mayan nor an apocalypse, but the world has been preparing by:
1. Building an ark. A Dutchmen named Pieter Frank van der Meer has purchased a $17,000 enclosed lifeboat and installed a toilet, a sink and a child's car seat in preparation for the floods he expects to accompany doomsday. Can't he just put his finger in the dike?
2. Building a bigger ark. Lu Zhenhai, from landlocked western China, has dedicated his life savings to building a 21-meter-long monument to human irrationality.
3. Closing schools. More than 30 Michigan schools closed due to violent threats made in relation to the Mayan "prediction," because people can be terrible.
Tags: Australia, China, Conspiracies, Mexico, NASA, Star Wars, Ukraine -
New Conspiracy Theory: Mitt Romney Cheated in Debate
Conservatives this morning cried conspiracy over jobs report numbers that favored the Obama administration. Typical conservatives: petty, desperate, reactionary and childish, quick to claim the other side cheated whenever a political news cycle does not turn their way.
In completely unrelated news — have you guy's seen the shocking, explosive evidence that proves Mitt Romney cheated in the debate?! I can't believe Mitt Romney cheated in this political news cycle that did not turn my way!
Tags: Barack Obama, Conspiracies, Debates, Mitt Romney -
Rush Limbaugh Explains the Liberal Polling Conspiracy
Look, everybody knows that all the lamestream polling this year is flat out wrong. It's an open secret. As Fox News pundit Dick Morris said — right around the time he convincingly argued that Mitt Romney was currently favored to win the country by 4 or 5 points and take Pennsylvania — "The polling this year is the worst it’s ever been."But why? Why is it so bad? Why would the vast majority of these statistician be willing to pervert the science they hold so dear, to endanger their livelihoods and their professional reputations like this?
Rush Limbaugh knows why, and he's not afraid to share…
"The purpose of the people right now, most of them doing these polls, they're trying to make news, not reflect it, they're advancing an agenda. They're all Democrats. They're all liberals. They just have different jobs. The polls are the replacement refs. They see certain things. They don't see other things. They don't call certain things, and other things go by.
"In this case, what they're trying to do is exactly what they've done in your case: frustrate you, make you pull your hair out, say, what the hell's happening to the country? They want you thinking the country's lost. They want you thinking your side's lost. They want you thinking it's over for what you believe. And that makes you stay home and not vote. That's what they're hoping. That's why you have to fight it every day…"
Oh! A vast conspiracy of mathematicians! It's so obvious! How did I not think of this myself? Ugh, I could just kick myself in the head.
You know, what probably happened was that all these math guys saw how much fun their friends down the hall in the biology department were having convincing the world that humanity is descended from ape-like ancestors and was not molded by God's very hand from the dust of the ground (as it so obviously was!), that they decided do something similar.
I hope you're having fun ruining the country for your own personal enjoyment, statisticians! I hope the nationwide doom isn't too large a price to pay.
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Related: Rush Limbaugh Blames Feminists For His Tiny Penis
Photo by Mark Wilson/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Tags: Conspiracies, Dick Morris, Fox News, Mitt Romney, Polls, Rush Limbaugh, Science & Technology
