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Conspiracies
  • Quiz: Democratic Senate Candidate for Tennessee or Random Crazy Person?

    For each of the following views, identify whether the belief is held by the Tennessee Democratic Party's candidate for the U.S. Senate seat currently held by Bob Corker, or by the tin-foiled gentleman on your local neighborhood street-corner yelling about black helicopters…

    1. Opposition to the "NAFTA Superhighway," a project intended to create  a new North American Union, whose currency will be the Amero.

    2. Opposition to "AN ORWELLIAN SUPER STATE" that will lead to the imprisonment of dissenting Americans in a "a bone-crushing prison camp similar to the one Alexander Solzhenitsyn was sent to or one of FEMA's prison camps"

    3. Belief that Google, "acting in concert with the Communist Chinese government" is adjusting its algorithm to remove him from the search results.

    4. Belief that Barack Obama's parents may have orchestrated placement of a birth announcement in Hawaii newspapers because they could have "announced that by telegram from Kenya."

    5. The view that "[Arnold] Schwarzenegger, born in Austria, wants to amend the Constitution so that he can become president and fulfill Hitler's superman scenario."

    Answers after the jump…

    Read More »


    Tags: Conspiracies, Democrats, Games and Challenges, Tennessee
  • Our Endorsements: Dirty Bankers

    * The Bugle podcast serves up some fishy political chips.

    * A coupon for your traditional family.

    * Take it from Uncle Bill…sex advice, that is.

    Senator McCain buddies up with Leslie Knope.

    * The only two ways we can fix America, from Hahajk.

    * Lenny Bruce and Steve Allen on our right to bear words.

    * Another installment of American Policy Suggestions from a Chicago Sports Fan.

    * Olympians making derp faces. NSFW if you didn't bring an extra pair of underwear.


    Tags: Amy Poehler, Bill of Rights, Chicago, Comedians, Conspiracies, Daily Links, Funny or Die, John McCain, Marriage Equality, Olympics, Rick Santorum, Sports

  • Transcripters Are the New Birthers

    Despite Donald Trump's best efforts, the "birther" conspiracy has largely been relegated to the same status as the question of whether Mitt Romney is a unicorn. Get with the times, people! The college transcript is the new birth certificate.

    Last week, the conservative blog The Trenches offered a $20,000 bounty for Barack Obama's records from Occidental College, Columbia University and Harvard Law School. The L.A. Times even suggested a moniker for these truth finders…

    What do these "transcripters" (if we may coin a phrase) hope to prove?

    "We’re not convinced that Barack is as smart as you media elitists keep insisting he is," says The Trenches, the website that posted the reward…

    That rationale may strike some as a little flimsy, given that Obama was president of the Harvard Law Review, taught constitutional law, has two bestselling books to his credit and is, at the moment, leader of the free world.

    Yes, this rationale may strike some as flimsy, but I don't think the investigation is wide-ranging enough. Last week our own Lisa Beth Johnson reported on an important intellectual leap made by transcripters: If Obama's SAT scores matched the average of the transfer students entering Columbia in the fall of 1981, his score would be a meager 1100, necessitating a deeper look at this academic career.

    Certainly, this logic calls into question so much of what we "know" about the president. The model Columbia transfer student in 1981 was white. Could Barack Obama be our first Fake Black President? If the class was over 50% female, perhaps we need an investigation into the president's anatomy. We could call these activists "sexists" if that term didn't already apply to them for wholly different reasons.

    Using means and modes to make inferences about individuals methodologically fraught, but let's not ignore the potential. For example, if the median transcripter is Donald Trump, this hypothesis would suggest that roughly 100% of transcripters are assholes. Sounds plausible.

    Photo by Rich Sugg-Pool/Getty Images/Getty Images


    Tags: Barack Obama, Birthers, Conspiracies, Donald Trump, Education
  • Obama's Intelligence Doesn't Have a Birth Certificate

    The far right will never be convinced that President Obama is anything other than a Pinocchio brought to life by liberal Geppettos. They simply refuse to believe anything about him is real. Birthers and other groups have cast doubt on his birth certificate, memoir, and even a photograph that shows him throwing a football. Now, even the elitist intelligence Obama uses to make big words with his Harvard-educated mouth hole is under attack

    President Barack Obama is hailed by his supporters and the mainstream media as one of the most brilliant men ever to hold the office. However, his refusal to release his academic records, his admitted deficiencies as a student, and his frequent factual errors — even in his chosen field of constitutional law–have cast doubt upon his supposed genius. Now, Breitbart News has established that Obama's grades and Scholastic Aptitude Test (SAT) scores may have been even lower than those of his supposedly less capable predecessor, George W. Bush.

    That's quite a claim, considering Obama has never released his academic records. As it turns out, it takes a lot of fairy tale magic to arrive at that conclusion…

    If Obama’s SAT scores were near the average of the transfer students entering Columbia in the fall of 1981, he would have scored significantly lower than George W. Bush, whose combined math and verbal scores were 1206 out of a possible 1600 points (as revealed by the New Yorker in 1999).

    Based on these sound leaps in logic, Breitbart.com has "established" that Bush scored higher on the SAT than Obama. Now we'll have to reconsider everything. Maybe all the "dumb" things George Bush said were actually smart.

    In fact, this changes the very definition of the word "smart."  From now on, dumb means smart and smart means dumb. Got it? With that in mind, the perfect name for these intelligence birthers is "Smarters."

    Photo by Olivier Douliery-Pool/Getty Images News/Getty Images


    Tags: Barack Obama, Birthers, Conspiracies, Education, George Bush
  • Blogger Exposes Barack Obama's Vast Football Throwing Conspiracy

    A typical response to the above photograph, an official snapshot captured by White House photographer Pete Souza at Soldier Field following a NATO meeting in Chicago, might be to say, "nice form" or "not bad for a lefty" or "get back to work," if one is being uncharitable. This is because the typical sane person fails to grasp the deviousness of Kenyan Islamic socialism.

    According to one source, with the coming of Obamacare, the only things that will be doctored are official White House photographs

    I'm not one for conspiracy theories. I prefer to base my opinions on demonstration fact that I can point to. However, after looking at an extremely odd photo of President Obama "throwing" a football, I have my doubts that this photo is real.

    That's a writer at the conservative group blog Pundit Press, inaugurating "I'm not one for conspiracy theories…however" as the new "I'm not racist…but." Do go on…

    Note the pixelation that occurs around the entirety of the President's head. Such deterioration does not exist anywhere else (at least so obviously) in the photo. Also note Mr. Obama's oddly large eyes.  Additionally, President Obama is inexplicably looking upward, unless his target is sitting somewhere in the cheap seats 100 yards away.

    Also, would a closet Muslim be holding a pigskin, even if a football is technically made of leather? Not without the help of Photoshop, he wouldn't.

    So like a latter day Woodward and Bernstein, Pundit Press followed the pixels. Unfortunately, the pixels led to a higher quality version of the image, which convinced even our intrepid detective that "the photo was probably not doctored." It was just Muslim'd.


    Tags: Barack Obama, Conspiracies, Football