* You know, I had never assumed that Barack Obama teleported to Mars back in the 1980s… until the White House denied it. Now I don't know what to think.
* Big Bird goes on the counteroffensive against Mitt Romney.
* "Nobody cares" about John McCain's endorsement of Mitt Romney, says guy who came in seventh place last night.
* Newt Gingrich fantasizes about double-teaming Mitt Romney with Rick Santorum.
Tags: Barack Obama, Conspiracies, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, PBS, Pork Barrel, Primaries, Republicans, Rick Santorum
As Americans, we move through our lives in a comfortable slumber, mindlessly consuming Hostess cupcakes and iPads until a brave news organization comes along to jolt us out of our stupor. Thank goodness for the gumshoes at Fox News, who are here to warn of the latest left-wing plot to destroy freedom/puppies…
The controversy is over a section in the Girl Scouts’ media guide that advises readers to use sites like snopes.com and MediaMatters to fact-check what they read on the Internet. Because, as Steve Doocy put it on Fox & Friends on Thursday, because MediaMatters is "clearly a lefty blog," telling members to turn to them means the Girl Scouts must secretly be in the tank for the left.*
Glenn Beck's site The Blaze first wrote about the guide on Tuesday, and said that it was pointed out to them by a parent of Sydney Volankski, a fifteen-year old former Girl Scout who left the organization in 2010 when she says she realized the organization has a "clear liberal ideology."
Don't be fooled by those cute little outfits or merit badges. The Girl Scouts aren't just selling you a pack of cookies—they’re selling you a pack of lies, with a light coating of toasted coconut communism. Why do the Girl Scouts teach survival skills? It's clearly an attempt to build some kind of liberal tween militia. Volunteering and "helping" others? Just another strategy to mobilize the working poor and other key Democratic voting blocs.
We need to shield our nation's girls from this dangerous organization and stop them from drinking the Kool-Aid, no matter how well it washes down those Thin Mints.
* We are aware of Media Matters' pedigree. We also wonder if Fox News and Glenn Beck would be quite so upset re: politically-oriented Girl Scout reading material if the politically-oriented material in question was created by, say, Fox News or Glenn Beck.
Photo by Images of Our Lives/Archive Photos/Getty Images
Tags: Children, Conspiracies, Food, Fox News, Glenn Beck
Is there any problem that a halfway decent conspiracy theory can't fix? Probably not. Just ask the cryogenically frozen brains of founding fathers George Washington and Ronald Reagan. (Oh, you doubt that Reagan was present at our nation's founding? Then what did he use his time machine for, smart guy?)
Coverage continues with Resident Expert John Hodgman and his big brain after the jump.
The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11/10c.
Tags: al Qaeda, CIA, Conspiracies, Indonesia, John Hodgman, John Kerry, Jon Stewart, Military, Osama bin Laden, Pakistan, Spying, The Daily Show, Video
Remember back when people used to actually spend their valuable time discussing whether or not well-documented serial liar Sarah Palin was also lying about who actually gave birth to her son Trig as if that were a thing that even mattered a little bit compared to all the other terrible things that we know for sure about her?
You know, five minutes ago…
Professor Bradford Scharlott of Northern Kentucky University has looked into this story in detail and written a long academic article about it. He concludes two things: First, that the "conspiracy theory" is likely true–Sarah Palin staged a huge hoax, and, second, the American media is pathetic for not pursuing the story more aggressively.
Scharlott's article walks through all the evidence supporting the theory, including the photos of Palin in what is said to have been a late-stage pregnancy, the leisurely 20-hour trip home that Palin took after she supposedly went into labor in Texas, the refusal of the hospital where Trig was supposedly born to even confirm that he was born there (let alone who was the mother), strange statements from Palin's doctor and the McCain campaign, and so on.
And Scharlott concludes that, given that this hoax would be a massive fraud perpetrated on the entire country by a vice-presidential candidate, the media absolutely should have pursued the story more aggressively.
Well I appreciate that this professor wants to spend his resources in getting to the bottom of something that so interests him and many Americans. You know more power to him. He's not just throwin’ stones from the sidelines… So, you know, more power to him.
Tags: Birthers, Conspiracies, Sarah Palin, Trig Palin
Hey, did anybody see Obama's stirring "Let's all pray that BP fixes this oil spill thing" address to the nation last night? There seems to be a lot of controversy about whether it was a shitty speech or garbagey speech today, but one thing I haven't seen anybody talking about was the pictures lined up behind Obama. Like, for example, what's going on with that one just off to his right?
Should we go in for a closer look? Yes, I think we should…
Tags: Barack Obama, BP, Conspiracies, Energy & Oil, Gulf Coast, Music