Latest Posts

Constitution Party
  • Colbert: John McCain Is Now President of New Jersey and Virginia

    In light of Tuesday's elections, one thing is abundantly clear: If you want your boring local election to gain unwarranted national weight and prominence, hold it in an off year. Better yet, don't even hold it in November. Move your deputy county comptroller election to April 2011, and watch it become a bellwether referendum on the future of all carbon-based species.

    After the jump, coverage of the election results continues with The Daily Show.

    The Daily Show and Colbert Report air Monday through Thursday starting at 11pm / 10c.

    Read More »

    Tags: Barack Obama, Bill O'Reilly, Bill Owens, Bob McDonnell, Chris Christie, Constitution Party, Creigh Deeds, Doug Hoffman, Glenn Beck, House of Representatives, John McCain, Jon Corzine, Jon Stewart, New Jersey, New York, Sean Hannity, Stephen Colbert, Tea Party, The Colbert Report, The Daily Show, Video, Virginia
  • You Might Be an Urban Terrorist If…

    Something exciting's happening these days. Can't you just smell it in the air? It smells sort of gasoline-y, with some sulfur-ish overtones. And definitely some unwashed stale perspiration.

    Yeah, that right! According to the Missouri Information Analysis Center, it's militia-joining time!

    "Due to the current economical and political situation, a lush environment for militia activity has been created," the Feb. 20 report reads. "Unemployment rates are high, as well as costs of living expenses. Additionally, President Elect Barrack [sic] Obama is seen as tight on gun control and many extremists fear that he will enact firearms confiscations."

    MIAC is one of 58 so-called "fusion centers" nationwide that were created by the Department of Homeland Security, in part, to collect local intelligence that authorities can use to combat terrorism and related criminal activities.

    You don't have to pitch to me anymore of your silly fearful plan to spy on U.S. citizens. 'Cause I'm sold! I'm joinin' up one of them there militias you speak of.

    Let's see… I've already got the unkempt beard and festering misanthropy. What are some of the other requirements?

    People who supported former third-party presidential candidates like Texas Rep. Ron Paul, Chuck Baldwin and former Georgia Rep. Bob Barr are cited in the report, in addition to anti-abortion activists and conspiracy theorists who believe the United States, Mexico and Canada will someday form a North American Union.

    "Militia members most commonly associate with 3rd party political groups," the report reads. "It is not uncommon for militia members to display Constitutional Party, Campaign for Liberty or Libertarian material."

    Oh, bummer. I was hoping to join a group of disaffected guerrilla soldiers living in the woods, arming myself against imaginary threats and gleefully defecating into freshly-dug holes in the ground.

    I didn't know I'd have to hang out with crazy people.

    Tags: Bob Barr, Constitution Party, Green Party, Homeland Security, Libertarian, Missouri, Ralph Nader, Ron Paul
  • Third Party Candidates Treated Like Not-Serious Candidates Simply Because They Were Not Serious Candidates

    The Baltimore sun did a little research into the amount of press given to Barack Obama and John McCain compared to that given to third party candidates Ralph Nader, Bob Barr, Cynthia McKinney and that other guy whatever his name is.

    And their findings are quite interesting.

    But, first, here's a cat on a Roomba…

    Hahahahaha. That's so awesome. Go, cat, go!

    Anyway, what were we talking about? Oh yeah…

    Cats are funny.

    Tags: Bob Barr, Chuck Baldwin, Constitution Party, Cynthia McKinney, Green Party, Libertarian, Ralph Nader
  • More Debate, Coming Right Up!

    Details are emerging on the next presidential debate… You know, the one without those silly big-name politicians who no one really cares about anyway.

    So get psyched: it's the third-party presidential debate! It will be held this Sunday. Sure, maybe Obama and McCain won't be there, but plenty of other swell folks will be.

    It will be held in a classroom at Columbia University — an Ivy League venue, which is pretty impressive considering all that those "big guys" could muster was Hofstra. And best of all, it will be broadcast on a famous national network that reaches every cable-subscribing home in America! (C-SPAN.)

    Needless to say, each of the candidates is expected to spend the bulk of his/her time pandering to Joe the Plumber. Here's each of the participants and their strategy…

    * Bob Barr, the Libertarian Party candidate, will promise that Joe will never need to pay taxes again, nor worry about the government intruding on his life by doing things like paving roads and fighting fires.

    * Chuck Baldwin, the Constitution Party candidate, will propose a Constitutional amendment outlawing flag-burning, gay marriage, abortion, the teaching of evolution, and turning down Joe the Plumber when he asks you out on a date.

    * Ralph Nader, the independent candidate, will vow to steal enough votes away from Obama that somehow Joe will become president.

    * Cynthia McKinney, the Green Party candidate, will offer to punch a Capitol Police officer in the face on behalf of Joe.

    Tags: Bob Barr, Chuck Baldwin, Constitution Party, Cynthia McKinney, Green Party, Libertarian, Ralph Nader
  • Ron Paul Endorses Unknown Man from Unknown Party

    Iconoclast and former GOP presidential candidate Ron Paul has made a huge announcement, and plans to change the upcoming election with his endorsement of some guy named Chuck Baldwin who is from something called the Constitution Party…

    In a letter to supporters, Paul wrote, "I'm supporting Chuck Baldwin, the Constitution Party candidate."

    Paul went on to say, "There is no real choice between the two major parties and their nominees, only the rhetoric varies. The amazingly long campaign is designed to make sure the real issues are ignored."

    Baldwin is that one-two punch combination of Pundit and Pastor — his evangelical church is in Pensacola Florida. His party believes in abolishing the UN, ending the Iraq War, a repeal of income, sales, and inheritance taxes, a "constitutionally limited form of government", as well as of course, immigration reform.

    I'm thumbing through my copy of the Constitution right now to find the section that describes that the government must build a giant fucking wall around its borders to keep the brown people out.

    The Constitution Party claims that Baldwin's candidacy will put a dent in the "big box" candidates, so look out, Whole Foods Obama And Ikea McCain!

    The conventional wisdom suggests that 3rd party candidates don't make much difference in the outcome, but the Constitution Party is at least the fourth or fifth party, so who knows what havoc they might reak?

    Tags: Chuck Baldwin, Constitution Party, Ron Paul