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Constitution Party
  • Why Hast Thou Forsaken Alan Keyes, Constitution Party?

    This is an outrage! An outrage, I tell you!

    Those blockheads in the Constitution Party — who are having their convention in Kansas City today — have decided to forgo humanitarian and supergenius Alan Keyes as their presidential nominee.

    Instead, they're going with pick some radio talk show host guy named Chuck Baldwin just because he's really a member of the Constitution Party and didn't just didn't switch over to get the nomination. Where is the fairness?!

    The pick was seen as something of an upset, given Keyes' higher national profile. Known for his fiery stem-winders, Keyes is a two-time GOP presidential candidate who abandoned the Republican Party this month to join the Constitution Party, which believes in limited government and is committed to ending abortion and bringing American troops home from Iraq.

    But Baldwin's roots in the Constitution Party run deeper. He was the party's 2004 vice-presidential candidate, and party members said his stands were more in line with party thinking.

    So… fucking… what?!?! This isn't some ridiculous hilarious joke of a candidate we're talking about here! This is Alan Fucking Keyes!!

    "They just rejected the most qualified man to be president," said Tom Hoefling of Lohrville, Iowa, Keyes' national political director. "Chuck Baldwin will have no impact on this election whatsoever."

    Completely unlike Alan Keyes.

    Amen, Mr. Hoefling. A fucking men.


    Tags: Alan Keyes, Chuck Baldwin, Constitution Party