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  • Sarah Palin Defends Chick-fil-A, Still Hazy on First Amendment

    Sarah PalinToday is the day! Today is the day that weight-battling social conservative Evangelical Christian former governors all across the country make a special trip to Chick-fil-A to eat a bunch of fried chicken without feeling guilty stand up for traditional marriage values!

    And probably a bunch of other people, too. People who support a Biblical interpretation of marriage (all the polygamy and buying wives stuff excluded). People who care about halting the ever-forward progression of society. And, most especially, people who crave publicity. Such as

    In an interview on Fox News, [Sarah] Palin defended Chick-fil-A President Dan Cathy's decision to publicly express his anti-gay marriage views and claimed that the resulting backlash against the company was an affront to free speech.

    "Well, that calling for the boycott is a real — has a chilling effect on our 1st Amendment rights," Palin told Fox News' Greta Van Susteren.

    It's really nice to hear that Sarah Palin has so much concern for the well-being of the First Amendment. And, luckily for her, the Chick-fil-A boycott actually has no chilling effect on the First Amendment whatsoever! In fact, since the First Amendment protects private citizens' rights to express themselves however they see fit — whether that be through contributing millions of dollars to groups fostered to hold back social progress or through organizing people to halt the flow of money into businesses that funnel money into such groups — it actually supports the First Amendment! Just wait until Palin hears that! She's gonna be so happy…

    "And the owner of the Chick-fil-A business had merely voiced his personal opinion about supporting traditional definition of marriage, one boy, one girl, falling in love, getting married. And having voiced support for kind of that cornerstone of all civilization and all religions since the beginning of time, he then basically [is] getting crucified."

    To hear her explain it, it sounds so nice. One boy, one girl, falling in love, getting married, working tirelessly to keep minorities from having the same rights as everybody else… Sigh. What a romantic vision of traditional Americana she paints.

    Photo by Roberto Gonzalez/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: Bill of Rights, Chick-fil-A, Christianity, Constitution, Food, LGBT, Marriage Equality, Religion, Sarah Palin
  • Quote Unquote: Coming for Your Assault Rifles

    Barack Obama on gun regulation


    "I also believe that a lot of gun owners would agree that AK-47s belong in the hands of soldiers and not in the hands of crooks. They belong on the battlefield of war, not on the streets of our cities."


    This ignores the simple fact that criminals are always going to find a way to get their hands on AK-47s. So, wouldn't it just be smarter to give everybody AK-47s? Just think how much safer you'd feel if that were the case.

    Tags: Barack Obama, Bill of Rights, Constitution, Crime, Guns, Quote Unquote, Second Amendment
  • Jon Stewart on the Right and Wrong Time to Talk About Guns

    "So, you're telling me that it's too soon to even have a conversation about it? You're telling me that to discuss the epidemic of gun violence in this country, for that there is a waiting period." – Jon Stewart

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    The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11/10c.

    Tags: Bill of Rights, Constitution, Fox News, Guns, Jon Stewart, Mike Huckabee, Second Amendment, The Daily Show, Video
  • Even Founding Fathers Sometimes Put Stuff Up Their Pee Holes

    Gouverneur Morris' name may not fall as easily from pundits' mouths as Founding Fathers like Thomas Jefferson or Ben Franklin, but his life story is still incredibly impressive. He served as a Pennsylvania delegate to the Constitutional Convention in 1787 — giving more speeches than any other delegate — and wrote large chunks of the U.S. Constitution, to which he would eventually add his signature.

    And then there's also the matter of his death

    In 1816, [Gouverneur] Morris died after sticking a piece of whale bone through his urinary tract to relieve a blockage. He died at the family estate, Morrisania, and was buried at St. Ann's Church in the The Bronx.

    Keep that in mind the next time somebody corners you with a lecture on the infalible wisdom of the Founding Fathers. Which is not to say that Morris was not in fact wise. It's just to say that even the wisest amongst us sometimes stick whale bones up our dick holes.

    Figuratively speaking.

    (via Reddit)

    Tags: Constitution, Founding Fathers, Gouverneur Morris, Health
  • Quote Unquote: Clean Slate

    Republican Sen. Chuck Grassley on Obamacare


    "For us in the Congress, it would be a whole lot better if the whole law is determined unconstitutional because then you start with a clean slate."


    And then also the whole law would be determined unconstitutional, so there'd be that, too.

    Tags: Chuck Grassley, Constitution, Health Care, Judiciary, Senate, Supreme Court