Latest Posts

  • Tom DeLay Sentenced to Prison Just for Having Done a Bunch of Illegal Stuff

    Oh, man, will the persecution of Tom DeLay by liberals bleeding hearts — like this Senior District Judge of the State of Texas — ever stop?

    A judge ordered former U.S. House Majority Leader Tom DeLay to serve three years in prison Monday for his role in a scheme to illegally funnel corporate money to Texas candidates in 2002.

    The sentence comes after a jury in November convicted DeLay on charges of money laundering and conspiracy to commit money laundering. DeLay was once one of the most powerful men in U.S. politics, ascending to the No. 2 job in the House of Representatives.

    Senior Judge Pat Priest sentenced him to the three-year term on the conspiracy charge. He also sentenced him to five years in prison on the money laundering charge but allowed DeLay to accept 10 years of probation instead of more prison time.

    I'd like to think that, with a little help, a convicted criminal this guy might just be able to turn his life around, become rehabilitated and rejoin the outside world as a useful member of society.

    I'd like to believe that. But DeLay spent so much of his time in office voting against rehabilitation bills that he kinda convinced me. Good thing he voted for all those extra prison cells, though, huh? Now he can really stretch out!

    Tags: Corruption, Crime, House of Representatives, Money, Texas, Tom DeLay
  • Afghanistan Hasn't Quite Figured Out Democracy Just Yet

    Prepare yourself for the shock of your life: Some people think the last spate of elections in Afghanistan was corrupt, tainted, and all-around broken. Yes, even in the country of renowned populist hero Hamid Karzai, there is major distrust of the ethics and transparency of the voting process. Imagine Florida in 2000, only without Mickey Mouse, Miami Beach or freedom of speech. Or indoor plumbing.

    In order to address hundreds of complaints over the September elections (who has elections in September, anyway? weirdos), the Afghanistan Supreme Court has set up a five-judge panel

    The panel is the latest player in the tug of war lasting months over the vote, which was widely perceived as being seriously tainted by fraud and skewed by rampant insecurity that kept large numbers of people from the polls. The outcome left Pashtuns — Mr. Karzai’s ethnic group, as well as the Taliban’s main base — largely underrepresented, and the Karzai government has mounted repeated efforts to alter the official results, pushing the country toward a constitutional crisis.

    “The high court does have the authority to cancel the entire process in light of the national Constitution,” said the head of the special panel, Sediqullah Haqiq, at a news conference on Monday.

    In a country ruled in name by a U.S.-installed puppet government and ruled in fact by medieval-minded tribal warlords and misogynistic fundamentalist fascists, it should only take, oh, FOREVER to institute a reliable system of electing representatives.

    And so Afghanistan's adorable and inspiring Cinderella story continues. Uncle Sam hasn't looked this fabulous in his fairy godmother get-up since the days of the Shah in Iran!

    Tags: Afghanistan, Corruption, Hamid Karzai
  • A Conciliatory Letter from Tom DeLay

    Look, it's bad enough that former congressperson from Texas Tom DeLay is going around slamming his car into other people's. But what did this guy's poor stepmother ever do to anybody to deserve such treatment

    My mind shutters at the thought of all the poor innocent stepmothers who will suffer similar fates in the wake of DeLay's recent convictions for money laundering and conspiracy charges. We're talking a carnage of signed photos, rivers of inscription and seething pools of smiling portraiture. The horror… The horror…

    Tags: Corruption, Crime, Tom DeLay
  • Rod Blagojevich (Mostly) Saved by Solitary Juror

    Remember back when all the information and "fuckin' golden" audio tapes concerning then-Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich very-Chicagoian attempt to sell Barack Obama's vacated Senate seat came to light, and we were all, like, "There's not a single solitary sentient being on Earth who could find this walking hairdo innocent in a court of law"?

    Well, turns out there is a single solitary sentient being on Earth who could find this walking hairdo innocent in a court of law, and she just so happened to be one of the jurors in his federal court case

    It now turns out that a single holdout juror kept Rod Blagojevich from being convicted of charges he tried to sell Barack Obama's Senate seat.

    Juror Erik Sarnello told Don and Roma Wednesday morning that all of them wanted to convict the former governor of charges he tried to sell the Senate seat except for one woman who would not budge

    [I]n the end, the jury convicted Blagojevich only of the lying count, which carries a maximum prison term of five years. The judge declared a mistrial on all 23 other counts.

    Can you imagine how dramatic and exciting it must have been in that jurors' room? Kind of reminds you of that one classic movie, doesn't it? That one with Henry Fonda. Oh yeah! Here's the one…

    Read More »

    Tags: Corruption, Illinois, Rod Blagojevich
  • Kevin Black, the Nihilist Candidate for U.S. Senate

    This senatorial candidate promises to spend his time doing blow, getting hummers and lining his pockets with kickbacks. But, I don't know, I'm just so cynical about the these days, I just know how we can believe any politician's promises…

    Tags: Corruption, Drugs, Money, Senate, Sex