Indecision Delegate: Sara Benincasa Will Always Cherish Cramming for the Midterms with You, America!
Hello, democracy dumplings! (This being America, you are of course a friend dumpling.) 'Tis I, your Indecision Delegate Sara Benincasa, bidding a noble farewell to this most glorious project (but not, of course, to your Indecision blog.)
Well, we've learned so much together over this delicious midterm cycle. I've imparted my peerless wisdom on the House of Representatives, the Senate, and, like, votering or whatever. I also traveled to D.C. to throw my weird brand of historical fiction at you, interrogated the populace about their political aspirations, and talked to nutty people in costumes at That Jon Daly Show's party on the Mall. Here is photographic evidence of said journey, BTW.
Anyway, thanks for coming along on this fantastic voyage. Like Sarah Palin, I'm now going to enter into important talks about my potential future as the Republican nominee in the 2012 Presidential election. Also like Sarah Palin, I'm totally lying because I've already decided to do it no matter what my family thinks.
Go forth and prosper, Americans!
Tags: Cramming for Midterms, Sara Benincasa
Indecision Delegate: Sara Benincasa Will Entertain You with a Bevy of Photos from Her Trip to the Rally, America!
Hello, Concerned Citizens! 'Tis I, Sara Benincasa, your Indecision Delegate, here with a bevy of photos from our nation's capital (which is Washington, D.C. Just FYI.) I had such a delightful time at the Rally to Restore Sanity/Fear a few weeks back that it's taken me this long to recover sufficiently to show you the fun pics I took with my AT&T Blackberry Torch. Behold the power and the wonder of cameraphone adventures!
We began our journey shooting a delightful video at Ford's Theatre, where Abraham Lincoln was shot at close range by John Wilkes-Booth. I greatly enjoy Important Assassinations of Note, so I was in a rollicking good mood. Despite my charmingly accessible, nonthreatening exterior, I'm sort of a creepy goth on the inside.
Tags: Abraham Lincoln, Cramming for Midterms, Lincoln Memorial, Rally to Restore Sanity, Sara Benincasa, Washington DC
Good day, patriots! 'Tis I, Sara Benincasa, your Comedy Central Indecision Delegate, here to further enlighten you with important facts about the fabulous government of our great nation. Today we turn our insightful gaze on the Supreme Court. I'm awash in that legendary post-midterm elections glow, as are you. But we must focus! FOCUS! On the Supreme Court!
"Oh, yes!" you are probably saying. "The Supreme Court. Which of the Supreme Courtesans were up for reelection this year? And is it true that Rand Paul ran for Chief Justice?" These are all reasonable and intelligent questions, and I applaud you for asking them. However, it is my duty to burst your shiny bubble and inform you that, alas, Supreme Court justices are appointed rather than elected.
"Appointed?" you scoff. "I don't recall being asked for my opinion on Alito or Scalia or those two ladies or the other guys."
Well, gentle reader, that is because you are not actually the person who appoints Supreme Court justices. I know it seems unfair, and I do encourage you to send a letter to your congressman complaining about this injustice. But the fact is, he can't do much about it, either. That's because the power to appoint Supreme Court justices rests mostly with the President. Howevsies, the Senate does get to weigh in, and bitchy senators have worked their butts off in the past to successfully block certain nominations. This is because every U.S. Senator is, at heart, a nasty sorority girl.
The Supreme Court consists of nine humans: eight associate justices and one Chief Justice. Right now, the Chief Justice is John G. Roberts, Jr. (he's the one who got all confused with Barack Obama at the swearing-in ceremony, prompting a do-over.) They all decide important stuff, like whether pooping on the flag is constitutional, or something.
Alrighty-roo, that's really all you need to know about the Supreme Court. You can go read the decision on Plessy v. Ferguson if you really want to, but I encourage you to sit on your couch and forget everything you just learned here, because you will probably never need to use it. (Unless you actually become a Supreme Court justice one day. Which is totally very likely.)
Tags: Antonin Scalia, Cramming for Midterms, Elena Kagan, John Roberts, Midterms, Samuel Alito, Sara Benincasa, Sonia Sotomayor, Supreme Court
Good news, America! We took America back last night! Or did someone else take it back from us? Who knows. Friend-of-Indecision Baratunde Thurston definitely doesn't.
Tags: Baratunde Thurston, Bloggers on Camera, Cramming for Midterms, House of Representatives, Kentucky, Rand Paul, The Onion, Video
It's been a long, very predictable night. Some people lost, some people won. In the end, I think we all know that there are new people to make fun of and old people to also make fun of. Some folks might think that my blogging was liberal, but if there was a candidate who was a Democrat who got nominated by a Coffee themed party, maybe a Juan Valdez inspired green movement, I would have gladly teased them. Here is hoping that next election there are people so left of center claiming they aren't Mages that I can stick it to them and appease the center-right (hard core neo-cons LOVE Mages – it's their big weakness). Also, I guess I was wrong about Nevada. I guess that's the price I pay for guessing with nothing but polls to guide me. Also, without being mean, Sharron Angle was a pretty extreme candidate, according to rape victims and people who appreciate America's separation of church and laundry. I mean state. I always forget what America separates and it's church and state. I still can't believe that a state that condones prostitution and gambling wouldn't elect the most conservative lady running for office in America. Weird. Maybe next time?
I have always wondered how libertarians compromise and I will soon find out. Maybe they will get to rename roads "Taxways?" Also, I hope they get rid of the EPA and change it to the "Department of Uh-oh, oops spill."
The good news from this election is that C-SPAN will probably be fun to watch. It will be like a straight-to-cable Steven Seagal movie. Except instead of some weird form of karate, we will get to see people using the some weird form of the Constitution to kick ass.
It's too bad that this election is ending without anyone claiming Carl Paladino was a tranny. I guess this is what it feels like to put all your energy into something and see it disappear.
Taking this election as a mandate is a lot like a drunk guy taking making out with a drunk lady at a bar at closing time as a mandate. It is, but just for an hour or so.
Hopefully after the election, neither party will pass laws and will instead pass pledges. Whoever passes the best pledge will get to pledge again in 2012!
I will now call the most watched election of this year: Nevada. Obviously it is insane to compare any modern US politician to Hitler, especially if they’ve been falsely accused of being a Scientologist and show no obvious signs of wanting to eradicate Jews or take over Europe. However, it is worth pointing out that when Hitler came to power, Germany had a 30% unemployment rate. Since Nevada has a 15% unemployment rate, it is then fair to say that Sharron Angle is not Hitler, she is simply 50% Hitler. Enjoy your new Senator, Nevada.
Democrats still have a chance if they can go back in time and make the same mistakes again.
I hope at least one candidate who wins, be it Democrat or Republican, for their speech has the courage to admit, "Haha! I tricked you! Go fuck yourselves!"
Congratulations to Marco Rubio on being America's sexiest new senator (I am assuming John Edwards is not allowed to just come back and start passing laws).
Every midterm election the party in control looses seats and every time people on television go apeshit. That is the true sign of a healthy democracy! Also, the limited number of stabbings at polling stations. Those two things are the signs of a healthy democracy.
Republicans take control of the House! Sadly for them, their first act will be to disband the House, leaving control of legislature in the hands of VH1 executives. Get ready for a new and naughty government!
Tags: Cramming for Midterms, Eugene Mirman, Liveblog