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Cramming for Midterms
  • Amazing True Voting Stories! – Staten Island, New York

    I live in the liberal enclave of Park Slope, Brooklyn where toddlers in ironic t-shirts chomping kale chips rule the scene, but my homeland is about 25 minutes away in Staten Island, NY, where giant SUVs, velour tracksuits and fist pumps are king. Why haven't I changed my voting district yet? Like most things that motivate me, it's a gentle mix of nostalgia and laziness. a) I keep forgetting to change my voting district and b) I like going back to my old grammar school and voting with my mom!

    Walking into the ol' P.S. 23 gym (where I once saw a mean boy break my best friend's silver glitter baton in two — the horror…the horror…) I felt that biennial surge of wistfulness quickly give way to anxiety. This was my first time voting with the new electronic system, and lately, when it comes to unfamiliar technology designed for the masses, I'm as bad as my mother (put any new credit card swiper in front of me at the drugstore and I will inevitably try to insert my card nine different ways before finally getting it. And don't get me started on the "OK" vs. "GO" buttons.)

    I missed the old curtained booths, and I always loved the old KER-CHUNK of the lever signifying my vote being counted, because it felt authoritative and irreversible. After comparing the proper pronunciations of our last names with the adorable old Italian men at the check-in (none of whom, I'm pleased to report, was in a sweatsuit) I moseyed on over to my spot, filled out the scantron (more school flashbacks!) and probably broke a few rules by turning to my mother in the corral next to me and asking her how I should vote on the two ballot initiatives. I walked over to the scanner, saw the nice guy in the Yankees cap manning it clearly violate some other set of rules by looking directly at my selections, and ZIP! ZAP! ZONK! put it right in the machine, where, as my public school education taught me, fourteen hamsters ran really fast until my ballot was turned into molecules and sent into the TV screens for the President to look at. Hooray for the electoral process!

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    Tags: Amazing True Voting Stories!, Cramming for Midterms, Election Day, New York
  • GuestBlogger: Dan St. Germain Has Some Things to Keep in Mind This Election Day

    Look! It doesn't matter who you are or how little you know. This is Election Day, and it is your God-given duty to go out there and vote for the person your intestines are telling you to vote for!

    Tags: Cramming for Midterms, Dan St. Germain, Election Day
  • Indecision Delegate: Sara Benincasa Asks "How Stoked Are You for the Midterm Elections?"

    Indecision Delegate Sara Benincasa, surrounded by a crowd of extremely polite humans, took to the National Mall to take the temperature of the American voting populace.

    Find out how stoked they are for the midterm elections, what they're wearing to the voting booth and how they feel about really short chicks.

    Tags: Cramming for Midterms, Midterms, Rally to Restore Sanity, Sara Benincasa, Video, Washington DC
  • Indecision Delegate: Sara Benincasa Asks "What Would You Do as a U.S. Senator?"

    Gentle reader, have you ever considered what you would do if you were, in fact, an elected U.S. official? No? That is sad, because you totally could run for Senate if you wanted to. In fact, it's not too late to announce your own run! Sure, you won't make it on the ballot, but there's that whole write-in candidate route, correct? I'd vote for you. (No, I wouldn't.) Really, I would. (Still lying.)

    As your Comedy Central Indecision Delegate, I took it upon myself to go out among The People — a.k.a. my loving constituents — in order to ask what on this green polluted Earth they would do if they were senators. I also asked them various other silly things, because I was the one with the microphone, dammit.

    Watch. Learn. See. Do. Be. This is our moment, America.

    Tags: Cramming for Midterms, Midterms, Rally to Restore Sanity, Sara Benincasa, Senate, Video, Washington DC
  • Indecision Delegate: Sara Benincasa Asks "What If He'd Had Modern Technology?"

    Hello, citizens of the People's Republic of UncleSamistan! 'Tis I, your devoted Comedy Central Indecision Delegate, Sara Benincasa, here to present you with a highly serious, potentially groundbreaking investigative report from our nation's capital. By the way, said capital is Washington, D.C., which is a district and not a state. Were you aware of this fact? Probably not! That is why I am here, to educate you on the finer points of citizenship.

    To that end, I traveled into the heart of the city with a top-notch Indecision crew in order to consider how history might have changed if some of our great American presidents had possessed important objects like smartphones and laptop computers. I also examined what effect The Internets might have had on life in the olden tymes. And in my pursuit of truth, I learned a few things: First, history lasted for a really long time. Second, there are a lot of National Historic Landmarks in Washington, D.C. Third, you are not allowed to shoot a humorous joke-video at the foot of that giant Lincoln statue/thing unless you have something called a "permit." Zounds!

    And now, behold the fruits of our laborious labors. Let us journey deep into the most exciting city in the history of cities and consider: "What If He'd Had Modern Technology?" In this case, the pronoun "he" refers to any one of a number of past American chief executives. Do you comprehend this concept? Excellent! You are now prepared to watch the best thing that has ever been captured on video. Tally-ho!

    Tags: Abraham Lincoln, Al Gore, Cramming for Midterms, George W. Bush, Internet, Midterms, Rally to Restore Sanity, Sara Benincasa, Science & Technology, Video, Washington DC, William Henry Harrison, William Howard Taft