Welcome to The Indecision 11, our soft-hitting — caressing, really — politics questionnaire for smart, funny people. This week: Dan Fogler, whom you know from films like Fanboys, Take Me Home Tonight and Balls of Fury. If you're fancy, you also know he won a Tony for his portrayal of Mr. Barfee in The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee. Upcoming projects include Scenic Route with Josh Duhamel and Don Peyote (written and directed by Dan himself). Now, Mr. Fogler wants to free your mind and your vote by running for President of the United States of America. He's also a Jedi. You will follow him: @mrdanfogler.
What's your earliest political memory?
I remember voting for the first time waaaay back in 2004 against W. for Jim Carrey. Boy, was I disappointed. Jim wasn't even running and they ran out of lollipops just as I stepped up. Fuckers.
What do you think of people who don't vote?
I think they're on the right track. This is all a game show–there's a reason they call it political theater. I ain't the first actor running for prez, baby! It's an absurd ploy to keep our competitive nature occupied while they smash and grab our nation. If no one voted you'd see the show play out in its regularly-scheduled programming: the pre-ordained winner would win and the loser would slip away into obscurity. A vote for Fogler means acknowledging the absurdity of it all. A vote for Fogler is asking for true change.
If you could meet any political figure, living or dead, who would it be?
JFK. That motherfucker knew how to party.
You're trapped in an elevator with the president. Strangely enough, you also have a superpower: the ability to make him do one thing of your choosing. What would you have him do?
I would grant him the ability fix elevators. And then his fixing powers would grow exponentially until he actually fixed this fucked-up country. BooYAH!!
Have you ever supported a candidate, issue or campaign and regretted it later?
I backed Carrey and then he did The Majestic, and then it was just a downward spiral of pooping penguins.
You are running for president! What's your campaign slogan?
"Yes we cannabis!" or "Got change?"
Who do you follow on Twitter for politics news?
The Daily Show.
Fill in the blank: Washington, is ____________________.
…a bulbous goiter that needs to be lanced.
Who's the sleaziest person in politics?
ME, baby! Do I make you randy, baby?! Sorry, that was inappropriate… unless you don't think so? FLIIIIP FLOP! (Pssst, all I'm wearing is flip-flops.)
Who's the sexiest person in politics?
Ross Perot, of course. Meow!
Tell us a joke.
I don't think that would be appropriate, but here goes. A man on his last legs finds a magic lamp in the desert. A genie appears and asks, "What is your dying wish?" The man shows the genie a map of the Middle East and says, "Can you make it so there is unconditional peace in this region?" The genie frowns and says, "My friend, that war has been raging for longer than even I have existed. I don't normally do this, but do you have another wish I could grant?" The man thinks and says, "Well, there is one thing. My wife, she is a wonderful woman, but as long as I've known her she's never given me head." The genie interrupts, "Eh, lemme see that map again." BooYAH!!
Previously: Emily Heller
Tags: Dan Fogler, The Indecision 11