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Dan Quayle
  • #SnarkWeek: Great Moments in U.S. Political Snark – "No Jack Kennedy"

    All this week, Indecision will be celebrating Michael Ian Black's new stand-up special and #SnarkWeek with a collection of the snarkiest moments in U.S. political history.

    The year is 1988. The city is Omaha, Nebraska. Two vice-presidential candidates meet on the debate floor pitch intent on wrestling the other into rhetorical uncle. Only one, however, holds in reserve what he believes to be a particularly effective rhetorical body throw. His name is Dan Quayle, and — as a young, somewhat handsome senator — his political career bears a somewhat vague similarity to that of President John F. Kennedy, a somewhat vague similarity which he is known to bring up often on the campaign trail despite their opposing political parties.

    The perfect moment arises in the debate, and Sen. Quayle makes his move, "I have far more experience than many others that sought the office of vice president of this country. I have as much experience in the Congress as Jack Kennedy did when he sought the presidency."

    His opponent, the much older and equally-uncharismatic Sen. Lloyd Bentsen (who?) — running mate of Democratic presidential candidate Gov. Michael Dukakis (who???) — senses a weakness and quickly goes for the takedown: "Senator, I served with Jack Kennedy, I knew Jack Kennedy, Jack Kennedy was a friend of mine. Senator, you're no Jack Kennedy."

    1-2-3! He's out! Wild applause! Victory lap! Dukakis and Bentson lose election in epic landslide defeat.

    Be sure to visit cc.com/standup for all your #SnarkWeek needs, and don't miss the premiere of Michael Ian Black: Very Famous Saturday August 6 at 11/10c.


    Tags: Dan Quayle, Debates, Snark Week
  • Ben Quayle Is Coming for You, Congress

    The big news in Arizona politics is that John McCain — who has been busy these past couple years doing his best impersonation of a douchebag — yesterday managed to beat natural born douchebag JD Hayworth in the state's GOP senatorial primary. And it only cost him $20 million to do so. That's quite a bargain.

    However, the lesser and more interesting news is that Dan Quayle's 33-year-old son Ben is one step closer to making his congressional bones representing the state's 3rd district, having won 23 percent of the vote in the 10-way primary race. You remember Ben Quayle, don't you? He's this guy…

    "Barack Obama… is the worst… president… in history."

    It's a shame that both he and his soon-to-be-colleague Michele Bachmann are married, huh? They could have made such beautifully ridiculous babies.

    So, what's it take to win a 10-way primary race? Well, besides having half of a former vice president's DNA? Who knows? Does it even matter?

    Along with name recognition, Quayle had the advantage of money, relying on the help of his father's connections to raise $1.3 million for his campaign. Former Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld contributed to his campaign, the Associated Press reported, and former President George H.W. Bush and his wife Barbara hosted a fundraiser for him.

    Just your average everyday small business guy, pulling himself up by his own diamond-encrusted bootstraps.


    Tags: Arizona, Ben Quayle, Dan Quayle, Donald Rumsfeld, George W. Bush, House of Representatives, JD Hayworth, John McCain, Primaries, Senate
  • Ben Quayle Seems Like a Relatively Reasonable Guy Who Is Clearly Not a Joke

    Hey, do you remember that guy Dan Quayle? Used to be our vice president? Kind a handsome conservative male version of a street lamp*? Potatoe? Yep, that's him.

    Anyway, that guy had a son, and that son is running for Congress in Arizona. And not the good, iced tea version of Arizona…

    "Barack Obama… is the worst… president… in history."

    It's nice to see that the guy is really trying to keep his conservative rhetoric at a reasonable level, so as to appropriately serious about the job he's applying for and not like a ridiculous caricature of a Tea Party candidate. I mean, he could have said something ridiculously hyperbolic, like "Barack Obama is a half-arachnid super-villain," or "Barack Obama is not made of normal matter like you and I, but pure solid-state Socialism." But he didn't. He kept it clean. And I respect that.

    Unfortunately, that kind of sober-minded campaigning might just hurt him in Arizona.

    .

    * Fun fact: Most street lamps are female and liberal. It's been proven with Science.


    Tags: Arizona, Barack Obama, Ben Quayle, Dan Quayle, House of Representatives, Tea Party
  • So, The Daily Show Ruined White House Transparency for All of Us

    Turns out that from now on, according to the current Department of Justice,  we can expect our vice presidents to refuse to conduct public interviews, because there's a chance that if (when) they say something stupid (really stupid) then they'll get made fun of on The Daily Show.
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    Thanks a lot, Jon Stewart! This is why we can't keep nice ideals in this country.


    Tags: Barack Obama, CIA, Dan Quayle, Dick Cheney, Hillary Clinton, Joe Biden, Jon Stewart, The Daily Show, White House
  • How Sarah Palin Lost the Election… and Saved America

    It sure was smart of John McCain to choose a woman he met in an elevator or something as his running mate for the most important task of his political career.

    Yep. She sure is working out like gangbusters with the electorate…

    Palin's qualifications to be president now rank as voters' top concern about John McCain's candidacy – "ahead of continuing President Bush's policies, enacting economic policies that only benefit the rich and keeping too high of a troop presence in Iraq," according to a new NBC/Wall Street Journal poll.

    Huh? I didn't see that coming when I pasted that pull quote into this post before reading it. She's the main reason voters have for not voting for McCain? But that can't be! She's all folksy and hockey-mommish. I thought that America was mesmerized by her Tina Fey-esque small town charms.

    Could it be that the shine is coming off the puck?

    Fifty-five percent of respondents now say Palin is not qualified to serve as president, a five-point jump from the previous NBC/WSJ survey.

    To be fair, those are numbers, and numbers are kinda related to science, I think. So, they're really not to be trusted.

    You see, there's a whole 'nuther way of looking at this. She's setting campaign records that are just as important and difficult as Barack Obama's…

    Mr. Obama's favorability is the highest for a presidential candidate running for a first term in the last 28 years of Times/CBS polls.

    Mrs. Palin's negative rating is the highest for a vice-presidential candidate as measured by The Times and CBS News. Even Dan Quayle, with whom Mrs. Palin is often compared because of her age and inexperience on the national scene, was not viewed as negatively in the 1988 campaign.

    That might be true, but I don't think you can really compare Dan Quayle to Sarah Palin. For one thing, he wasn't a maverick. Nor a hockey mom. Also, he was neither a pitbull nor a tube of lipstick. Nor, as a candidate, did he ever state his intentions to reign supreme as the God Head of the Senate.

    So, it's not really fair to compare their negativity ratings. I mean, there's a big difference between a incompetent vice-president and caricature of a incompetent vice president.

    You see, she's not all about "inspiring confidence" or "doin' stuff good" or "not constantly making embarrassing mistakes on television."

    She's about… Well, I don't know. Something else. Something that doesn't involve numbers or reality or stuff.

    Update: Newsweek weighs in on the donkey scarf mystery.


    Tags: Barack Obama, Dan Quayle, Sarah Palin