Patton Oswalt's LiveBlog

9:43p: Dan Rather:

"With Pennsylvania and Ohio in Obama's pocket, McCain's path to victory is slimmer than a meth-addict's calves."

Patton Oswalt's LiveBlog

9:23p: Dan Rather:

"In poker terms, what John McCain is doing is trying to draw the proverbial inside straight. In Magic: The Gathering terms, he's attacking an Ice Wyvvyrn with a Hedge Dwarf. In 'male runaways I've got locked in my basement' terms, he's trying to chew through the restraining collar while wearing punishment socks."

Patton Oswalt's LiveBlog

8:17p: Dan Rather on Elizabeth Dole's loss:

"Elizabeth Dole has just been potted, punched and pickled like a pack of preening pillbugs with pepper in their pockets."

Patton Oswalt's LiveBlog

8:04: No alarms and no surprises…

…so far.

8:02: Barack's racking up states. Best "win tone" for state wins — CNN. Worst "win tone" — CHILLER TV (Leanne Quigley screaming)

8:00p: Dan Rather on McCain's South Carolina win:

"McCain's taken South Carolina, but it's just a pebble in a balloon kicker's shoe."

7:54p: Everyone on BBC America's saying "Ah-bama". Get it right, you damn limeys!

7:53p: Everyone on BBC America's drunk, and their map guy has a goblin-eye.

7:52p: As I write this (4:50 PST) Barack's got Vermont, and McCain's got South Carolina and Kentucky. Lattes vs. bar-b-q — FIGHT!

7:50p: William Kristol's Joker-smile is covering a swarming belly full of righteous pain.

Patton Oswalt's LiveBlog

Holy shit. I just discovered Dan Rather is anchoring HDNet's election coverage. Dan Rather is single-handedly worth all eight channels of coverage on the Election Mix.

Or, in Dan's words, "We'll here here in HDNet like a singing frog in a soup-hat on Ash Wednesday."