Bristol Palin's Ghostwriter Has Strong Words for Margaret Cho

Bristol Palin's ghostwriter took to Facebook over the weekend to response to Margaret Cho's (not particularly convincing) accusation that Sarah Palin coerced her daughter into keeping the Palin Family Circus alive on Dancing with the Stars…

"I have explained my own motivations for accepting the invitation to dance, which included the simple fact that I was ready to get out of my comfort zone and try something new and challenging.  I thought dancing would also be a great way to exercise — and it was.  I thought it would boost my confidence — and it did.  Notably absent from this calculus were political considerations.  You want to talk politics, talk to my mom. You want to talk rumba, waltz and the beautiful Spanish paso doble, I'm your girl (but if you want to talk to the expert, call Mark)…

"I will give my friend credit for creativity, and extra points for getting so many "facts" wrong in so few sentences.  Let me be blunt: my mom did not "force" me to go on DWTS.  She did not ask me either.  The show approached me.  I thought about it.  I made the decision…

"You say you 'don’t agree with the family’s politics at all' but I say, if you understood that commonsense conservative values supports the right of individuals like you, like all of us, to live our lives with less government interference and more independence, you would embrace us faster than KD Lang at an Indigo Girls concert."

First of all, for real, Bristol Palin's ghostwriter? Surely, you didn't spend six years in ghostwriter school just to make lame inscrutable homophobe jokes like that. You're the ghostwriter to a national icon's daughter; make your homophobe jokes more timely and more scrutable! Most of the little girls out there who are trying to get pregnant so that they can follow in their hero's two left footsteps and become spokespeople for the abstinence movement have never heard of those lesbians. Be more thorough in your bigotry research.

Second of all, Bristol Palin's ghostwriter, that argument for "commonsense conservative values" is laughably unconvincing. Even conservative "values voters" out there are, like, "Um, supporting the rights of individuals like Margaret Cho doesn't sound like something I'd get behind." About as convincing as the idea of Briston Palin writing the phrase "absent from this calculus."

(via The Superficial)

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Tags: Bristol Palin, Dancing with the Stars, Music, Quote Unquote, Sarah Palin

Sarah and Bristol Palin's Shining City on TV's Hill Slightly Less Shiny Than Last Week

It was the heady days of last week's television. The unsinkable Bristol Palin was literally driving liberals insane by being kept afloat on Dancing with the Stars with the help of Tea Party phone voters, while her mother's new vanity show was breaking records of The Learning Channel.

Those days are now sadly lost in the mists of nostalgia. Now, Bristol's dream of pulling off a talentless win and thus "a big middle finger to all the people out there that hate [her] mom, and hate [her]" has sadly gone unrealized, and ratings for Sarah's show sunk by nearly half in the second week…

Episode two of the Palin reality show averaged just 3 million viewers, down 40% from the previous week.

Perhaps more troubling are the viewer demographics. The show averaged just 885,000 viewers in the advertiser-friendly 18-49 demo, and the median age of the show's viewer is a whopping 57 years old. According to The Live Feed's James Hibberd, that's 15 years older than TLC's median age of 42.

So, more than 70 percent of the viewers for Sarah Palin's Alaska are 50 or older? What an old demographic she has! They don't buy iPads or Xbox Kinects. Hahahahahaha! What's a demographic full of old-timers like that good for?

Oh, wait… Uh oh.

Tags: Bristol Palin, Dancing with the Stars, Music, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin's Alaska, Television

Jon Stewart Looks at the Recent Palin Family Multimedia Controversplotion, and Jason Jones Guides Us Through His Bayonne, NJ

Sarah Palin pretending to fish, The Situation's golden condoms and a daylight Russian hooker fight all in the same clip! Only seven short years ago, science said such a thing was impossible. Science, bah!

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

Meanwhile, The Daily Show Facebook page is coming up on 2 million likes, so if you haven't yet, get over there and show your support.

Tags: Abstinence, Bristol Palin, Dancing with the Stars, Facebook, Jason Jones, Jon Stewart, New Jersey, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin's Alaska, Sex, Television, The Daily Show, The Situation, Video, Willow Palin

Wisconsin Man Kills Innocent Television Set Over Injustice on Dancing with the Stars

You know that old saying: Opinions are like shotguns. Everybody's got one which they use to shoot their television as a means of critiquing politics-driven dance-related reality television shows. (Wait, that might actually be a new saying.)

[Steven] Cowan, 66, allegedly became so enraged by Palin's success that he actually fired a shotgun round into his television, triggering a 15-hour standoff with Wisconsin cops.

According to a criminal complaint, Cowan's wife called police Monday evening to report that her husband had blasted the TV and was threatening to kill himself. Cowan, who had been drinking, became angry while watching Palin, 20, perform on the ABC program.

As Palin, pictured at left, was dancing, Cowan "jumped up and swore, saying something to the effect of, 'The fucking politics.' Steven was upset that a political figure's daughter was dancing on this particular show when Steven did not think that she was a good dancer," the complaint notes.

On the one hand, I can kind of empathize with this guy. I have, on a quite a few occasions, felt the desire to unload a double-barrel shotgun into my television set. Because, Jesus Christ, Have you seen the shit that comes out of that thing?! But, you know, that's one of the reasons why I don't keep shotguns lying around my living room. Just in case.

But, on the other hand, we can't all work through our frustrations by engaging in 15-hour standoffs with Wisconsin cops. If we did, nothing would ever get done, especially not in Wisconsin. And I-94 would permanently gridlocked full of irate shotgun wielding maniacs looking for Wisconsin police. More so.

Tags: Bristol Palin, Dancing with the Stars, Guns, Sarah Palin, Television, Wisconsin

Bristol Palin and The Situation Team Up to Make Horrible Magic

I am not in any way exaggerating when I say that I had a very difficult time getting all the way through this… I don't even know what it is. A PSA for abstinence? A debate over safe sex vs. no sex? Some kind of a fetish video for people like pain in their eyeballs?

All I know is it stars Bristol Palin and Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino and it's one minute, forty-five seconds long. And I mean one minute, forty-five seconds looooooong. I had to take a number of breaks to get through the whole thing. Think you can do it in one shot? I will bet you a million suicide machines that you cannot…

Tags: Abstinence, Bristol Palin, Dancing with the Stars, Sex, Television, The Situation