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The Daily Show's Best 2012 GOP Contender Moments
Obviously, we'd all prefer some kind of reality in which we could throw all of these fine politicians into a giant blender — with some orange juice and some ice and maybe a dash of sugar — and mix them all up into one super smooth U.S. President. But the technology to do that probably won't be within our grasp by 2012, so we're all just going to have to think really hard and try to choose just one…
Mike Huckabee
Continued Huckabee interview and more contenders after the jump.
The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.
See also: The Colbert Report's Best 2012 GOP Contender Moments
Tags: Bobby Jindal, David Petraeus, Haley Barbour, Jon Stewart, Mike Huckabee, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Republicans, Rick Perry, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul, Rudy Giuliani, Sarah Palin, Scott Brown, The Daily Show, Tim Pawlenty, Video -
The Colbert Report's Best 2012 GOP Contender Moments
Unfortunately, all of these phenomenal American heroes cannot be elected president in 2012, so we, as a nation, will have to choose which one will have the honor of shaming Barack Obama out of office and shipping him back to his native Kenyistan. Hopefully, this collection of clips will come in handy as we face the hardest decision of our lives…
Mitt Romney
More contenders after the jump.
The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.
Tags: Bobby Jindal, Chris Christie, David Petraeus, Joe Arpaio, Mike Huckabee, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Republicans, Rick Perry, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul, Rudy Giuliani, Sarah Palin, Scott Brown, Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report, Video -
Colbert Interviews Senator Jim Webb and General David Petraeus
Last night wrapped up The Colbert Report's two-part series, Been There Won That: The Returnification of the Ameri-Can-Do Troopscape. The show's audience was comprised completely of veterans, and Stephen's guests included Virginia Senator Jim Webb and General David Petraeus. And, as if it wasn't already eerily reminiscent of my wedding night, there was a sexy dancing hotdog.
Stephen's interview with General Petraeus can be found below.
The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.
Tags: Afghanistan, David Petraeus, Iraq, Jim Webb, Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report, Veterans, Video -
Traitorous Gen. Petraeus Criticizes Perfectly Good Plan to Burn Korans on 9/11
General David Petraeus is generally acknowledged to be a pretty smart guy. He's good at what he does, which is why both George W. Bush and Barack Obama have relied on him for leadership and strategic planning during the gruesome duo of pointless wars we're fighting. His many years of experience have given him great insight into the minds of psychotic racist assholes both in the Middle East and right here in the U.S. of A. But his most recent public remarks warning against one pastor's plan to burn Korans on September 11th will surely call his patriotism into question.Your Paper of Record has more on Petraeus's troubling devotion to common sense…
Burning copies of the Koran, the Muslim holy book, "would undoubtedly be used by extremists in Afghanistan — and around the world — to inflame public opinion and incite violence," the commander, Gen. David H. Petraeus said in an e-mail message to The Associated Press on Tuesday.
Echoing remarks the general made in an interview with The Wall Street Journal published Tuesday, he said: "It could endanger troops and it could endanger the overall effort. It is precisely the kind of action the Taliban uses and could cause significant problems. Not just here, but everywhere in the world we are engaged with the Islamic community."
What a coward, am I right? I mean, it's not like less hateful desecrations of their culture's sacred symbols has ever led to any serious issues ever before, right?
In 2005, violent and sometimes lethal riots were set off around the world by a mistaken report by Newsweek that a Pentagon investigation had found that military interrogators of detainees at Guantánamo Bay, Cuba, tried to flush a Koran down a toilet. The same year, a Danish newspaper printed cartoons portraying the Prophet Muhammad also led to riots across the Muslim world.
Oh, whatEVER. As long as these "violent and sometimes lethal riots" take place outside of America, who gives a fuck, right? It's our right as Americans to burn, piss on, or stab anything or anyone who doesn't fall in line with what the self-appointed human representatives of God tell us.
General Petraeus needs to shut his mouth before we start asking questions about where his REAL loyalty is.
Tags: 9/11, Afghanistan, David Petraeus, Denmark, Islam, Military, Religion -
Stephen Colbert to Host Special "Returnification" Shows for the Troops
Pop quiz, patriots!Question: Who loves the troops more than Stephen Colbert?
Correct Answer: The troops' moms.
More Correct Answer: Nobody!
As a means of welcoming back and honoring the brave U.S. soldiers who are finally returning home from that country in the Middle East — what's it called, you know, that one with the Iraq War — The Colbert Report will is offering Been There, Won That: The Returnification of the American-Do Troopscape!, two special shows just for them.
The audience will be composed entirely of Iraq war veterans who will either be in the studio or piped in by satellite from Walter Reed Army Hospital and Afghanistan. (Can the troops' moms boast such a thing? Maybe one or two of them at the most.)
The shows will be recorded on Wednesday and Thursday, September 8 and 9, and will air later those nights at 11:30pm / 10:30c. Expect visits from, among others, Vice President Joe Biden and Commanding General Ray Odierno (who can be seen at right, shaving Colbert's head at Camp Victory last June). Do not expect visits from any non-heroes.
The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.
Tags: David Petraeus, Iraq, Joe Biden, Military, Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report
