Latest Posts

David Plouffe
  • New (Non-)Fiction Book About Obama Administration Written by Person Tragically Born Without a Name

    It's so heartwarming and uplifting and vaguely empowering to see somebody overcome his or her disability and make their mark in this crazy herky-jerky world of ours, isn't it? That's why this new soon-to-be-published novel about a "president" of a "country" is making such a buzz in Washington's uber-literate circles lately.

    It's author, sadly, was born without a functioning name or gender-specifying pronoun

    The question of who wrote O has become the Washington parlour game of the winter. Simon & Schuster, which publishes it next Tuesday, has said only it is "someone who has been in the room with Obama and knows this world intimately".

    Rampant speculation has namechecked Rahm Emanuel (though he's a little busy running for mayor of Chicago), David Plouffe (has enough on his plate as Obama's new senior adviser) and the TV comedian Stephen Colbert (the book is not funny enough to have been by him).

    Ben Smith, a blogger at the Politico website, has diligently obtained denials from many potential culprits, which is in itself suspicious. So is he the author? "No. I'd be happy to take credit for it though — it's a fun read," Smith told the Guardian.

    The New York Times has acquired an excerpt from the novel, but I found it to be a little too long and dull and long. Instead, I invite you to read this excerpt which was sent directly to me and to nobody else and you can't prove that it's not true because it's impossible to disprove a negative

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    Tags: Barack Obama, Ben Smith, Books, David Plouffe, Rahm Emanuel, Stephen Colbert
  • John Edwards' Kind Offer to Be Barack Obama's Albatross

    John "I have a secret child with a woman who is not my cancer-ridden wife" Edwards did not succeed in his mission to sabotage the Democratic Party's presidential hopes in 2008. But — as is becoming increasingly clear — it was not for lack of trying.

    In his new autobimemoir of the '08 campaign trail, Obama's campaign manager David Plouffe recounts an amazingly gracious offer from the Edwards campaign

    "Listen. It's clear unless the race is shaken up, Hillary is going to win. You guys might not even win South Carolina. What would shake the race up is John ending his campaign, but not simply to endorse another candidate. All things being equal, John prefers Barack. They should announce they are joining forces and will run as a ticket. Edwards can vouch for Obama with blue-collar and Southern whites and is running on a change message.

    "It's a perfect fit. And it has to be something that big to slow down Hillary. You need a big shakeup in the race and this could be it."

    And he had the perfect big shakeup just waiting to be shooken up, didn't he?.

    Ah, what could have been.

    Tags: Barack Obama, David Plouffe, John Edwards
  • A Post About Hillary Clinton Which Contains a Lazy Joke About Bill Clinton and Sex

    Here is the part of the post where you set up the important information about David Plouffe's upcoming book, in which he discusses how close Hillary Clinton came to being chosen as Barack Obama's running mate.

    And here's where you throw to some more reputable website's post which contains a quote suitable for spinning a joke…

    What surprised me at [our first meeting to discuss the vice presidency] was that Obama was clearly thinking more seriously about picking Hillary Clinton than Ax and I had realized …. At our next meeting, we narrowed the list down to six. Barack continued to be intrigued by Hillary.

    "I still think Hillary has a lot of what I am looking for in a VP," he said to us. "Smarts, discipline, steadfastness. I think Bill may be too big a complication. If I picked her, my concern is that there would be more than two of us in the relationship."…

    And here's where you make a joke about Bill Clinton and his probable comfortability with ménages à trois.

    And that's how you write a post about the most important woman in American politics. (I think there's a certain sad poignancy in that.)

    Tags: Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, David Axelrod, David Plouffe, Hillary Clinton
  • How Your Rush Limbaugh Sausage Gets Made

    rush-grinderTake one blowhard radio host whose popularity peaked around the same time as the Counting Crows'.

    Add a newly emboldened Democratic party in search of a non-Bush nemesis and a Republican party in search of a leader, or a magic Twitter account, or anything, really.

    Let rise until the blowhard radio host says something blowhard-y about how he hopes the new Democratic president fails to bring about economic recovery in the midst of a recession.

    Immediately whisk into a froth, adding James Carville's secret Cajun spices.

    Combine with abject groveling, grandstanding, indignation, feigned outrage, real outrage, jokey websites and accusations of unnecessary distraction.

    Garnish with a dollop of David Plouffe.

    Serve as often as necessary.

    Tags: Barack Obama, David Plouffe, Democrats, Economy, James Carville, Rush Limbaugh
  • David Plouffe Speaks Off the Record at National Press Club, Possibly on the Record Alone in His Bathroom

    For future reference, if you ever find yourself being the wunderkind strategist of the most inspiring, historic and transparent U.S. president of a generation and then you agree to speaking at the National Press Club, you might want to consider not banning the National Press from watching you speak that their Club.

    It just kinda sorta makes you look like a tool…

    Plouffe was listed as the keynote speaker at the luncheon yesterday for "Transition 2009," sponsored by Georgetown University and Politico. The public was invited to the event — students free of charge and everybody else for a fee. But at the last minute, Georgetown announced that Plouffe's speech would be "closed press," even though the speech was being given in the National Press Club ballroom, described on a plaque at the door as "the sanctum sanctorum of American journalists."

    National Press Club President Donna Leinwand fired off an e-mail to Plouffe and his agents stating her "strong opposition" to the press banishment from its own club. "If Mr. Plouffe wants to keep secrets," she said, "Mr. Plouffe should stay at home."

    The Washington Post's Dana Milbank (definitely the ugliest female reporter I've seen in a while) was having none of it…

    For what it's worth, the National Press Club comes off looking just as douchey.

    Tags: David Plouffe, Washington Post