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David Vitter
  • Louisiana Senate Race: Acknowledged Porn Star Out, Alleged Diaper Fetishist Still In

    Unfortunately, Louisiana's senate primaries just got a little less exciting. Unfortunately, it looks like the Republican sex worker will not longer be challenging the Republican sex customer after all…

    After a long flirtation with entering politics, adult film star Stormy Daniels announced she will not make a run for the U.S. Senate in her home state of Louisiana.

    "The simple fact that David Vitter has $5 million in his bank account pretty much says it all. Against that shear accumulation of special interest dollars, I have no legitimate means of winning a race for the United States Senate under these circumstances. As a businesswoman, I know that better than anyone," Daniels says in a statement.

    She continues: "I am not [not] running for the US Senate because I am an adult entertainment star. I am not running for the US Senate for the same reason that so many dedicated patriots do not run — I can't afford it.

    Shame. It would have been nice to see Louisiana politics get a little classed up for a change.

    Tags: David Vitter, Louisiana, Porn, Senate, Sex, Stormy Daniels
  • Mick Foley Illustrates the Problem with Congress

    On last night's Daily Show, to explain Congress's endless cycle of hypocrisy, Wyatt Cenac brought out Mick Foley, who demonstrated that Washington politicians are really no different from pro wrestlers. Now, that might be true to a degree, but I don't know if it's an entirely fair comparison. After all, who would you rather have babysit your kids, Triple H or Joe Lieberman? Also, wrestlers know how to use makeup in moderation.

    Mick Foley's last appearance on the show can be found below.

    The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

    Read More »

    Tags: David Vitter, Eric Massa, House of Representatives, John Boehner, John Ensign, Jon Stewart, Larry Craig, Mick Foley, Nancy Pelosi, Senate, The Daily Show, Video, Wrestling, Wyatt Cenac
  • Republicans Fighting to Repeal Not-Yet-Passed Legislation

    Six GOP congresspeople are vowing to repeal some not quite yet new legislation once it is passed into law and thus becomes eligible for repeal.

    It's just like the old saying goes: Obstruct early and often…

    "We know it’s not enough just to fight ObamaCare — it could still pass," the Club for Growth's "Repeal It!" Web site says. "So our pledge is to Repeal It!"

    The first two lawmakers to sign on were Sen. Jim DeMint, R-S.C., and Rep. Jeff Flake, R-Ariz. — both conservative heroes for their dedication to hacking away at government. Within an hour of the pledge going live, a handful of others had joined them — Louisiana Sen. David Vitter and Utah Rep. Jason Chaffetz, Texas Rep. Jeb Hensarling and Kansas Reps. Jerry Moran and Lynn Jenkins.

    This is a nice effort on their part, but it doesn't really go far enough in my opinion.

    These guys should be on the front line of conservative activism, fighting to have marriage equality instituted federally so that they can get that repealed, working tirelessly to criminalize Christianity so that they can they fight back against the persecution of the church, and cooperating with scientists to create blasphemous human/donkey hybrids that they can have rounded up and executed.

    I mean, why not go all the way? Am I right?

    Tags: David Vitter, Health Care, House of Representatives, Jason Chaffetz, Jeb Hensarling, Jim DeMint, Lynn Jenkins, Senate
  • Prostitution Expert David Vitter Fights Funding for Prostitution Experts ACORN

    david-vitter-stupid-faceIn recent weeks lawmakers have been extremely busy with the extremely important task of defunding ACORN, but sometimes things, like sacks of money or lawmakers' genitalia, "slip through the cracks."

    So it was that $1 million in Homeland Security grant funding wound up going to ACORN's office in Louisiana, where one Senator was standing by to be outraged…

    [The ACORN grant] was one of only three such grants issued to the state and made up almost 80 percent of the firefighting money earmarked for Louisiana, prompting one of the U.S. senators from the state to demand that the funds be taken back.

    "I request that you rescind this grant based on a history of abuse of federal dollars by ACORN and their clear lack of expertise in this area," said Sen. David Vitter, Louisiana Republican.

    Obvious solution that doesn't involve the hassle of canceling a check: simply inform ACORN Louisiana that they must use the grant to fund prostitution training programs, because this plays to their expertise, and also because — as far as David Vitter is concerned — this is not necessarily an "abuse of federal dollars," assuming the prostitutes follow up by killing themselves.

    Tags: ACORN, David Vitter, Louisiana, Prostitution
  • A GOP Makeover Montage, Starring George Allen and David Vitter

    FLASHBACK: August 2006.
    SCENE: A George Allen for Senate rally in Virginia. Our hero, GEORGE ALLEN, bounds across the stage and fires off his wacky new catchphrase, "Let's give a welcome to macaca, here." For whatever reason, people do not get the joke, and our hero suffers ignominious defeat at the hands of Democrat JIM WEBB, who had sent the macaca to the rally in the first place, and who once convinced ELAINE and NEWMAN to steal a dog.

    DISSOLVE TO: July 2009. A plot twist comes over the transom

    A publisher plans to release a book about sports and politics by former Republican Sen. George Allen next year. Regnery Publishing in Washington says the former Virginia governor's new book will be titled "The Triumph of Character: What Washington Can Learn from the World of Sports." It's due out next June.

    MORAL OF THE STORY: The words triumph, character and sports have magic, mind-erasing properties. The only way this could be better would be if Allen's book were titled "The Triumph of Character: What Washington Can Learn from the World of Sports, So You Think You Can Dance, and My Pal Ronald Reagan."

    FLASHBACK: March 2009. Most of 2008. Most of 1999-2001.
    SCENE: Washington, DC. Action hero Sen. DAVID VITTER (R-La.) pulls off a string of high-wire stunts, including attacking an airport security door, trying to use campaign donations for legal bills related to a prostitution scandal and having a prostitution scandal. With all this shrapnel in the air, how will DAVID VITTER ever get reelected?

    DISSOLVE TO: July 2009. A plot twist comes over the transom

    Sen. David Vitter (R-La.) hauled in $1.2 million in the second quarter as he prepares to face Rep. Charlie Melancon (D-La.) in his reelection bid next year. In a statement, Vitter announced that he now has $3.2 million cash on hand.

    “I’m grateful for this tremendous show of support from folks across Louisiana who support my fight to hold President Obama and his reckless-spending, liberal allies in Congress accountable," Vitter said.

    MORAL OF THE STORY: A surefire way to avoid being held accountable for your actions is to talk loudly about holding other people accountable for their actions. Also, if you want people to give you money, tell them you'll spend it to make other people stop spending other money. This is an old FX trick from the MGM days.

    THE END! (…OR IS IT?)

    Tags: David Vitter, George Allen, Louisiana, Republicans, Virginia