Mitt Romney's Corpse Destroys Barack Obama in Debate

It's a shame that the Romney campaign didn't get a chance to see this sneak preview of Comedy Central's Gajillionaires — starring Rob Corddry, Thomas Lennon, Paul Scheer, Jordan Peele and Riki Lindhome — before last night's debate.

I think they might have completely overhauled their strategy…

Obviously, this is somewhat unrealistic. Zarthon the Doom Bringer would never be able to take Texas or California as a third party candidate. He'd be better off waiting till 2016 and then running as a Republican.

Foreign Policy Debate Winners and Losers

Winners

1. Martha Raddatz forever.

2. Drones. Obama likes 'em, plus they and Romney are programmed in the same language.

3. Bibi Netanyahu.

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Obama and Romney Explain Why We Can't Divorce Pakistan

 "Is it time to divorce Pakistan?" – Debate Moderator Bob Shieffer

The consensus seems to be no. Why?

1. There are all those nukes.

2. In this relationship, Afghanistan will be a child raised by a single mom. It's definitely going to turn to gun violence.

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Tags: Barack Obama, Debates, Mitt Romney

Mitt Romney Sweeps Flag Pin Wars

Three debates, three flag pin victories for Mitt Romney. Speak stutteringly and wear a giant lapel pin is our generation's speak softly and carry a big stick.

Once again, this another debate that would have benefited from the participation of Ron Paul. A foreign policy discussion is the perfect time to bring out an Austrian flag pin.

Previously: Top Foreign Policy Debate Zingers

Photo by Marc Serota/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Top Foreign Policy Debate Zingers [UPDATED]

Zingers: America's number one export. We'll keep these updated throughout the evening.

1. Mitt Romney, during the handshake: "Good to see you again." It's funny because he can't stop lying!

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