Latest Posts

  • Traitorous Gen. Petraeus Criticizes Perfectly Good Plan to Burn Korans on 9/11

    General David Petraeus is generally acknowledged to be a pretty smart guy. He's good at what he does, which is why both George W. Bush and Barack Obama have relied on him for leadership and strategic planning during the gruesome duo of pointless wars we're fighting. His many years of experience have given him great insight into the minds of psychotic racist assholes both in the Middle East and right here in the U.S. of A. But his most recent public remarks warning against one pastor's plan to burn Korans on September 11th will surely call his patriotism into question.

    Your Paper of Record has more on Petraeus's troubling devotion to common sense…

    Burning copies of the Koran, the Muslim holy book, "would undoubtedly be used by extremists in Afghanistan — and around the world — to inflame public opinion and incite violence," the commander, Gen. David H. Petraeus said in an e-mail message to The Associated Press on Tuesday.

    Echoing remarks the general made in an interview with The Wall Street Journal published Tuesday, he said: "It could endanger troops and it could endanger the overall effort. It is precisely the kind of action the Taliban uses and could cause significant problems. Not just here, but everywhere in the world we are engaged with the Islamic community."

    What a coward, am I right? I mean, it's not like less hateful desecrations of their culture's sacred symbols has ever led to any serious issues ever before, right?

    In 2005, violent and sometimes lethal riots were set off around the world by a mistaken report by Newsweek that a Pentagon investigation had found that military interrogators of detainees at Guantánamo Bay, Cuba, tried to flush a Koran down a toilet. The same year, a Danish newspaper printed cartoons portraying the Prophet Muhammad also led to riots across the Muslim world.

    Oh, whatEVER. As long as these "violent and sometimes lethal riots" take place outside of America, who gives a fuck, right? It's our right as Americans to burn, piss on, or stab anything or anyone who doesn't fall in line with what the self-appointed human representatives of God tell us.

    General Petraeus needs to shut his mouth before we start asking questions about where his REAL loyalty is.

    Tags: 9/11, Afghanistan, David Petraeus, Denmark, Islam, Military, Religion
  • World Cup Fever: Catch It (But Not with Your Hands)!

    Have you people heard that there's a World Cup going on? Seems like every time you turn around there's some kind of World Cup happening, doesn't it? Well, this one is for Soccer, or — as the rest of the world calls it — Non-American Football.

    Naturally, as Americans, we here at the Indecision blog are super amped for this not-at-all-tedious tournament. And we'll help you get amped in equal parts by filling you in on all the important games that you should be paying attention to. But first, here's everything you need to know about Soccer…

    * No player may touch the ball with his hands ever. Except for the goalie. And everybody else on the team under certain circumstances. The breaking of this rule is punishable by death.

    * The less scoring that occurs in a game, the more exciting it is!

    * The Ancient Greeks and Romans are known to have played many ball games, some of which involved the use of the feet. The Roman game harpastum is believed to have been adapted from a Greek team game known as "ἐπίσκυρος" (episkyros)[5][6] or "φαινίνδα" (phaininda),[7] which is mentioned by a Greek playwright, Antiphanes (388–311 BC) and later referred to by the Christian theologian Clement of Alexandria (c.150-c.215 AD).

    * You totally do not want to accidentally forget to wear your cup when being forced by your parents to play soccer back in grade school. Because, ugh, that pain is profound and life altering.

    Now that you know everything you need to know about soccer, here's a rundown of this weekend's biggest, most important games to watch for…

    Read More »

    Tags: Algeria, Denmark, Germany, Italy, New Zealand, Serbia, Soccer, Sports, United Kingdom
  • Quote Unquote: Child Porn's Secret Silver Lining

    Danish Anti-Piracy Group lobbyist Johan Schlüter — speaking at a U.S. Chamber of Commerce event — on the upside to child pornography

    "Child pornography is great. It is great because politicians understand child pornography. By playing that card, we can get them to act, and start blocking sites. And once they have done that, we can get them to start blocking file sharing sites."

    Hey, you know, if Schlüter's music-industry job ever falls through, I hear NAMBLA's always looking for seasoned lobbyists.

    Tags: Denmark, Internet, Movies, Music, NAMBLA, Porn, Quote Unquote, Sweden
  • Happy Protesters Love Dong, Tolerate Eugene Mirman

    I'm not going to lie to you. If you're looking for video of Copenhagen protesters being beaten or arrested, you are looking in the wrong place. But I do sincerely I hope that you realize your dream somehow or other.

    However, if you're in the market for video of Eugene Mirman making a bunch of penis jokes and being denied an interview with a protester who dresses like a pirate but looks like Andy Samberg, well, today is your lucky day, fella!

    Tags: Climate Change, Copenhagen, Denmark, Energy & Oil, Eugene Mirman, Protesters
  • Global Warming Protests in Copenhagen Turn Violent

    Global Warming protesters ran afoul of Global Warming's police force in Copenhagen today. And Global Warming's police force does not fuck around with protesters apparently…

    Shame on you, Global Warming's police force! Shame on you! Those protesters were only trying to protect the entire world!

    No wonder people are protesting your boss, you jerks.

    Tags: Climate Change, Copenhagen, Denmark, Protesters