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What to Expect When You're Expecting…to Be at the Republican National Convention
The Democratic Convention has come and gone, and now it's the GOP's turn to make their pitch. If you're attending this convention as well, just follow the handy survival guide we issued for the DNC, but note these important differences between the two events:Convention Aspect DNC RNC Location Pepsi Center and Invesco Field, Denver XCel Energy Center (Luxury Box), Minneapolis/St. Paul Theme "Change We Can Believe In" "Country First" Most Prominent African-American in Attendance Barack Obama Cowboy Troy Most Prominent Woman in Attendance Hillary Clinton Ann Coulter Sarah Palin Vaguely Described — But Definitely Evil — Scourge Upon America Big Oil Activist Judges Crossover Traitor From the Opposing Political Party Rep. Jim Leach (Republican of Iowa) Sen. Joe Lieberman (Political Whore of Connecticut) Frequency of Mentioning George W. Bush Constant Never Most Embarrassing Person in Attendance Rep. William Jefferson (D-LA) Sen. Joe Lieberman (Political Whore of Connecticut) Overriding Sentiments Hope, Change, Exuberance Experience, Constancy, Regularity
Tags: Colorado, Denver, DNC, George W. Bush, John McCain, Minnesota, RNC, St. Paul -
Inside Barack Obama's Speech at Mile High Stadium – A Photo Rally
If you weren't one of the relatively few people lucky enough to spend hours waiting in the hot sun to get into a crowded stadium to kind of hear Barack Obama's speech over the cacophony of frenzied Democrats and were forced instead to watch it from the comfort of your living room couch, then here's an extra special gift for you.
Now you can experience BHO's coming out party exactly as Michael and I did…
There were no shortage of people set up every five feet along the line, prepared to sell us useless junk. Which came in really handy, as Michael had foolishly left our stuffed Obama doll back at the hotel.
This woman would not let me take her picture unless I bought a pin. Now that's an understanding of free trade. She must have been a Republican.
They were giving out free bottles of water by the truckload. Literally. I drank about twelve. And then I burned the plastic bottles, allowing their chemicals to escape into the atmosphere, so as to not create any litter. I'm an environmentalist.
I'm pretty sure these people were in line for Obama's acceptance speech, though I'll bet at least a few of them thought there was just a run on Whoppers.
One of the people waiting in live with me and Michael. I have nothing funny to say about her. She was nice.
Here I am, at my utmost happiest: Waiting in an eternal line on a hot Denver afternoon with credentials that may or may not get me inside. But I have Hope.
This woman was selling socks that she herself had designed, to make up for the appalling absence of Obama-themed footwear. Only 1,200 pairs in existence! Collector's items!
Eventually, the line moved down off the street and into this parking lot, where it would snake up and down and up and and around in a kind of Moebius Strip kind of way, giving the illusion that we were actually getting closer to Mile High Stadium.
I was really intrigued by this sticker that said "Make Out Not War" for some reason.
Democrats did this.
You can't see it, but the guy just off to the left of this picture had a human head on his stake.
Just when we thought we were actually getting near the stadium — about an hour into the wait — the line took a left turn to go take a whiz in the alley way behind this building.
The $2.00 "Obama Water" was soooo much better than the lame free water people were giving away just around the corner. I think it's because it was infused with Change minerals and Obamalytes.
Yes. That's a cardboard effigy of Barack Obama inside a pneumatic tube. Your guess is as good as mine.
My favorite part of the line was when we got to hike down this mountainside. That was really fun until Michael was attacked by a billy goat.
I have a feeling this guy was making some kind of political statement. Or he mistakenly thought he was at the RNC.
From what I could see from a thousand miles away in the parking lot, Al Gore's speech really kicked ass.Eventually — counter to everything I was beginning to believe about life and existence — we did manage to get into the security tent, where they made us go through a magnetic gate and empty everything out of our pockets so that they could touch it all with their fingers before we went in. I'm sure that must be effective on some level.
…and then we ran as fast as we could to the stadium.
Turns out our seats were really high up. Towards the top, I started to feel dizzy.
I don't know who these people think they are, waving American flags at an Obama speech. Don't they know that this is Sean Hannity's America?
This woman was giving away American flags… for free! Apparently, she thinks our flag is worthless. (What more proof do you need that Barack Obama is a socialist.)
That's me, trying to fit in by pretending to love America along with with everyone else pretending to love America. They were some pretty awesome seats we had.
Yep. Amazing. (I think that smudge down there is a person.)
The Denver Bronco's mascot: A gigantic plaster-encased horse. I heard that it's the job of the men up there to feed it through a straw twice a day.
Michael on the Blackberry, twittering our LiveBlog. (I hate almost everything about that sentence.)
Of course Fox News was there on the floor. You could smell their stand all the way from our seats.
It was nice getting to watch Joe Biden speak on television.
Did you see this guy's sign on TV? We were sitting right behind him!
The 80,000 people in attendance were completely rapt by this guy, whoever he was.
And we had a fantastic view of the back of his head.
Despite my initial fears, a relatively few number of Obama supporters began feasting on human blood as the sun began to set.
By the time Barack Obama came onstage, it was so dark that this was the best picture we could take of him. (That's me, thinking about Hope.)
I know a lot of people say that Barack Obama isn't ready to lead America, but I was really able to see him as a pretty authoritative figure.
Despite the rarefied air way up in the stratosphere where we were sitting, we were actually able to make out a little bit of Obama's speech. My favorite part was when he said whatever it was that made the entire audience applaud approvingly, shriek uncontrollably and stamp their feet until it felt like the stadium was going to collapse. Not the 17th time that happened, but, I think, the 33rd time. Yeah, that was a good point he made.When the speech ended, fireworks started going off about twenty feet above our heads, and at first we both almost had heart attacks — Michael because it was really loud and shocking, and me because I only eat food made from pork or beef and that happens to me from time to time.
After the initial explosion, they started going off in a succession around the perimeter of the stadium, and every time we could see them coming back our way, we held our ears and braced ourselves. We were literally getting singed by burning tatters of spent explosives. The sky was full of so much fluttering paper confetti, I was certain it was gonna catch fire and we'd all burn to death.
It was awesome.
As soon as Obama was finished speaking, Michael and I — and practically everybody else in the stadium — left as quickly as possible to try and avoid having to watch the benediction. It was pretty chaotic, marked by no little amount of cursing and shoving. (I have no pictures of this, because I was too busy cursing and shoving.)
Eventually, near the final exit, we were met by the obligatory throngs of sign-wavers. I was one of approximately four people who stopped to read their inspiring messages of hate.
This guy's signs, if you can believe it, were even sillier from from the front.
I told you.
Ron Paul was, of course, represented.
Amongst all the signage on display, this was my favorite. (Steak, potato and egg? Now, that's a burrito I can believe in.)Despite my general asshole-ish commentary, Michael and I are actually very grateful to Scott and Todd for hooking us up with this chance to witness such a historic moment first hand.
Tags: Barack Obama, Colorado, Denver, DNC -
Terror at 5,280 Feet – An Index of Comedy Central's Indecision 2008 Coverage of the DNC
As we say goodbye to the mile high city of Denver, we take with us many fond memories. Or we would, if we hadn't killed the brain cells that contain those memories with the copious amounts of free alcohol that were flowing here all week.
Fortunately in lieu of biological memory, we have our blog. Below the fold, you can browse an index of all of the DNC coverage from Comedy Central's Indecision 2008.
Breakfast with Jon Stewart | LiveBlogging | The Daily Show Videos | The Colbert Report Videos | Photos | All Other Coverage
OUR BREAKFAST WITH JON STEWART:
Breakfast with Jon Stewart | LiveBlogging | The Daily Show Videos | The Colbert Report Videos | Photos | All Other Coverage
Democratic National Convention – Night One
Democratic National Convention – Night Two
Democratic National Convention – Night Three
Democratic National Convention – Night Four
Breakfast with Jon Stewart | LiveBlogging | The Daily Show Videos | The Colbert Report Videos | Photos | All Other Coverage
Correspondents Reveal What's In Their Convention Survival Kits
Virginia Governor Tim Kaine Responds to Our Insults
Michelle Obama's Generic Speech
Guess Who's Coming to Denver – Hillary's Speech
Samantha Bee Concedes to Wyatt Cenac
Guess Who's Coming to Denver – Uncle Grumpy
Guess Who's Coming to Denver – Night Three
The Daily Show Correspondents On Jon Stewart
Son of a White Man From Kansas
Guess Who's Coming to Denver – Obama's Acceptance Speech
The Best Fucking News Team Ever – DNC
Breakfast with Jon Stewart | LiveBlogging | The Daily Show Videos | The Colbert Report Videos | Photos | All Other Coverage
VIDEOS FROM THE COLBERT REPORT
The Colbert Report: MLK Wouldn't Vote for Barack Obama
The Colbert Report: Mike Huckabee Compares Joe Biden to Vanilla Ice Cream
Hillary Clinton Supports Barack Obama
Burning Man Festival Confusion
Stephen Colbert Takes Offense to Michelle Obama's Speech
Obama Speech Analysis with Terrell Davis
Breakfast with Jon Stewart | LiveBlogging | The Daily Show Videos | The Colbert Report Videos | Photos | All Other Coverage
Inside Barack Obama's Speech at Mile High Stadium – A Photo Rally
Charlize Theron (pics) Cares About Labor, Not From Antarctica
Sexy Pics of People We Saw Who Are Not Charlize Theron
Democratic National Convention Photo Parade
Barack Obama's Sister Steps Into The Big Tent
Planned Parenthood Distributes XL Condoms
Democratic Convention: After Hours – A Photo Party
Dispatches from the Convention Floor: Stuck in Traffic
Breakfast with Jon Stewart | LiveBlogging | The Daily Show Videos | The Colbert Report Videos | Photos | All Other Coverage
God Unleashes His Almighty Fury Upon Democratic Convention
Early Morning of Day One and Already Off to a Brilliant Start
Denver-Bound Ben Affleck to Make Enormous Sacrifice For America's Wounded Heroes
Denver Bomb Squad Reacts Fast… At You-Know-What O'Clock
What to Expect When You're Expecting…to Be at the Democratic National Convention
Avast, The Hillary Clinton Delegate, That Infernal Death Race of Hag-Fraus Approaches Anon!
The Democrats Get a Joe Lieberman of Their Very Own
Surly Cops, Blastocyst Lovers and Strippers Welcome Democrats to Denver
Hillary Clinton Refuses to Give Up Quixotic, Deranged and Destructive Quest to Smear Obama
Despite All Their Rage, They Are Still Just Protesters in A Freedom Cage
Exile in Paulville: The Prisoner Edition
Detroit Mayor Too Busy Getting Removed From Office To Attend Convention
The Fake Journalist's Guide for Getting into Downtown Denver
Chris Matthews Goes PUMA Hunting
Just the Tip Exclusive Speaker Profile: Who the F**k is Mark Warner?
Control Freak Barack Obama Enforces His Cinderella Fetish
Mark Warner Makes His Pitch to the Mighty Thomas L. Friedman Constituency
Who Was That Masked Man in the Bolo Tie?
Former UN Ambassador Nancy Soderberg on DNC Convention Parties
Washinton Governor Christine Gregoire Gets Her News From Indecision 2008…
Barack Obama's Children Pledge Themselves to the Secret Cause
This Week's Sign of the Apocalypse: Hillary Clinton's Speech
McCain TV Ads Targeting Hillary Clinton Dead-Enders Curiously Absent from TV
Sen. Jon Tester of Montana Knows How He Likes His Meat
I Finally Met a Gay Guy Who is For Obama
Big, Big News! A Sneak Peak at Barack Obama's Acceptance Speech
Joe Biden's Mother Has Some Fightin' Words!
Denver's First Hero Update: Fox News' Griff Jenkins Lived to Gamble Another Day
Porn is Neither Homopartisan nor Heteropartisan… It's Bipartisan
Melissa Etheridge Pulls a Reagan at the Democrats' Convention
Democrats Have Not Stimulated One Stimulating Part of Denver's Economy
The Running Toilet is No Match for Barack Obama
Contents of a Convention Protester's Biodegradable Backpack
Political Addictionary's There Oughta Be a Word – DNC
AP, FOX News Offer Fair and Balanced Distortion of Obama’s Acceptance Speech
Democratic Convention Studs and Duds
Country Music: Not Just for Republicans Anymore
Oprah Sheds Tears, Eyelashes For Barack Obama
Breakfast with Jon Stewart | LiveBlogging | The Daily Show Videos | The Colbert Report Videos | Photos | All Other Coverage
Tags: Barack Obama, Democratic National Convention, Denver -
Oprah Sheds Tears, Eyelashes For Barack Obama
Daytime diva Oprah Winfrey was so moved by Barack Obama's astounding acceptance speech last night, that she lost her own fake eyelashes in a puddle of sweet, salty tears…"I cried my eyelashes off," she said in the bowels of Invesco Field, moments after Obama accepted the nomination for president before an estimated 84,000 people.
"I think it's the most powerful thing I have ever experienced," she added, calling Obama's words "transcendent." On the 45th anniversary of Martin Luther King Jr.'s "I have a Dream Speech," Winfrey compared Obama's words to those of the civil-rights leader, Franklin Delano Roosevelt and Abraham Lincoln.
Winfrey's support has been a huge boost to Obama throughout his campaign, but without eyelashes, she may appear too much like an alien freak to win voters for the Illinois Senator. If Obama wants to go that route, he's probably better off with James Carville.
Not to be outdone, fellow celebrity Obama supporter Pamela Anderson reported clapping so hard, she popped a breast implant, while McCain supporter Robert Duvall got so angry, he swallowed his teeth.
Tags: Barack Obama, Colorado, Democratic National Convention, Denver, Oprah Winfrey -
Democratic Convention Studs and Duds
The confetti has fallen, the "world's biggest celebrity" has spoken, and the McCain campaign has issued its grumpy retort to the nation. Now it's time to look back and reflect on the Studs and Duds of the Democratic National Convention.STUDS:
Hillary Clinton: Her endorsement of Obama was so rousing and sincere that it even convinced Bill.
John Kerry: Swiftboated and left for dead four years ago, Kerry struck back with what the New York Times' Michael Cohen is calling "possibly the best non-acceptance speech at a Democratic convention since Mario Cuomo and Jesse Jackson."
Brian Schweitzer: The Montana governor lassoed the crowd with his bolo tie and never let it go. We haven't heard the last of him.
Those Adorable Obama Girls: Their sprightly cameo following their mother's speech ought to be worth at least a walk-on in the next Jonas Brothers movie.
DUDS:
Mark Warner: His keynote address reassured uneasy voters that even after the coming Change, politicians will still be boring.
Focus On The Family: Apparently God misheard their prayers for rain on the night of Obama's outdoor speech and instead scheduled a hurricane for the middle of the GOP convention.
Chris Matthews' Runaway Hair: Along with turning platinum blonde, Matthews' hair has apparently joined the Republican Party, since it kept trying to flee his delightfully left-wing mouth.
Tags: Brian Schweitzer, Chris Matthews, Democratic National Convention, Denver, Focus On the Family, Hillary Clinton, John Kerry, Mark Warner
