The Democratic Convention has come and gone, and now it's the GOP's turn to make their pitch. If you're attending this convention as well, just follow the handy survival guide we issued for the DNC, but note these important differences between the two events:
Convention Aspect DNC RNC Location Pepsi Center and Invesco Field, Denver XCel Energy Center (Luxury Box), Minneapolis/St. Paul Theme "Change We Can Believe In" "Country First" Most Prominent African-American in Attendance Barack Obama Cowboy Troy Most Prominent Woman in Attendance Hillary Clinton Ann Coulter Sarah Palin Vaguely Described — But Definitely Evil — Scourge Upon America Big Oil Activist Judges Crossover Traitor From the Opposing Political Party Rep. Jim Leach (Republican of Iowa) Sen. Joe Lieberman (Political Whore of Connecticut) Frequency of Mentioning George W. Bush Constant Never Most Embarrassing Person in Attendance Rep. William Jefferson (D-LA) Sen. Joe Lieberman (Political Whore of Connecticut) Overriding Sentiments Hope, Change, Exuberance Experience, Constancy, Regularity
Tags: Colorado, Denver, DNC, George W. Bush, John McCain, Minnesota, RNC, St. Paul
If you weren't one of the relatively few people lucky enough to spend hours waiting in the hot sun to get into a crowded stadium to kind of hear Barack Obama's speech over the cacophony of frenzied Democrats and were forced instead to watch it from the comfort of your living room couch, then here's an extra special gift for you.
Now you can experience BHO's coming out party exactly as Michael and I did…
There were no shortage of people set up every five feet along the line, prepared to sell us useless junk. Which came in really handy, as Michael had foolishly left our stuffed Obama doll back at the hotel.
They were giving out free bottles of water by the truckload. Literally. I drank about twelve. And then I burned the plastic bottles, allowing their chemicals to escape into the atmosphere, so as to not create any litter. I'm an environmentalist.
Eventually, the line moved down off the street and into this parking lot, where it would snake up and down and up and and around in a kind of Moebius Strip kind of way, giving the illusion that we were actually getting closer to Mile High Stadium.
Eventually — counter to everything I was beginning to believe about life and existence — we did manage to get into the security tent, where they made us go through a magnetic gate and empty everything out of our pockets so that they could touch it all with their fingers before we went in. I'm sure that must be effective on some level.
Despite the rarefied air way up in the stratosphere where we were sitting, we were actually able to make out a little bit of Obama's speech. My favorite part was when he said whatever it was that made the entire audience applaud approvingly, shriek uncontrollably and stamp their feet until it felt like the stadium was going to collapse. Not the 17th time that happened, but, I think, the 33rd time. Yeah, that was a good point he made.
When the speech ended, fireworks started going off about twenty feet above our heads, and at first we both almost had heart attacks — Michael because it was really loud and shocking, and me because I only eat food made from pork or beef and that happens to me from time to time.
After the initial explosion, they started going off in a succession around the perimeter of the stadium, and every time we could see them coming back our way, we held our ears and braced ourselves. We were literally getting singed by burning tatters of spent explosives. The sky was full of so much fluttering paper confetti, I was certain it was gonna catch fire and we'd all burn to death.
It was awesome.
As soon as Obama was finished speaking, Michael and I — and practically everybody else in the stadium — left as quickly as possible to try and avoid having to watch the benediction. It was pretty chaotic, marked by no little amount of cursing and shoving. (I have no pictures of this, because I was too busy cursing and shoving.)
Eventually, near the final exit, we were met by the obligatory throngs of sign-wavers. I was one of approximately four people who stopped to read their inspiring messages of hate.
Despite my general asshole-ish commentary, Michael and I are actually very grateful to Scott and Todd for hooking us up with this chance to witness such a historic moment first hand.
Tags: Barack Obama, Colorado, Denver, DNC
As we say goodbye to the mile high city of Denver, we take with us many fond memories. Or we would, if we hadn't killed the brain cells that contain those memories with the copious amounts of free alcohol that were flowing here all week.
Fortunately in lieu of biological memory, we have our blog. Below the fold, you can browse an index of all of the DNC coverage from Comedy Central's Indecision 2008.
Tags: Barack Obama, Democratic National Convention, Denver
Daytime diva Oprah Winfrey was so moved by Barack Obama's astounding acceptance speech last night, that she lost her own fake eyelashes in a puddle of sweet, salty tears…
"I cried my eyelashes off," she said in the bowels of Invesco Field, moments after Obama accepted the nomination for president before an estimated 84,000 people.
"I think it's the most powerful thing I have ever experienced," she added, calling Obama's words "transcendent." On the 45th anniversary of Martin Luther King Jr.'s "I have a Dream Speech," Winfrey compared Obama's words to those of the civil-rights leader, Franklin Delano Roosevelt and Abraham Lincoln.
Winfrey's support has been a huge boost to Obama throughout his campaign, but without eyelashes, she may appear too much like an alien freak to win voters for the Illinois Senator. If Obama wants to go that route, he's probably better off with James Carville.
Tags: Barack Obama, Colorado, Democratic National Convention, Denver, Oprah Winfrey
The confetti has fallen, the "world's biggest celebrity" has spoken, and the McCain campaign has issued its grumpy retort to the nation. Now it's time to look back and reflect on the Studs and Duds of the Democratic National Convention.
Hillary Clinton: Her endorsement of Obama was so rousing and sincere that it even convinced Bill.
John Kerry: Swiftboated and left for dead four years ago, Kerry struck back with what the New York Times' Michael Cohen is calling "possibly the best non-acceptance speech at a Democratic convention since Mario Cuomo and Jesse Jackson."
Brian Schweitzer: The Montana governor lassoed the crowd with his bolo tie and never let it go. We haven't heard the last of him.
Those Adorable Obama Girls: Their sprightly cameo following their mother's speech ought to be worth at least a walk-on in the next Jonas Brothers movie.
Mark Warner: His keynote address reassured uneasy voters that even after the coming Change, politicians will still be boring.
Tags: Brian Schweitzer, Chris Matthews, Democratic National Convention, Denver, Focus On the Family, Hillary Clinton, John Kerry, Mark Warner