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Detroit
  • Joe Biden Watch Set to GAFFE-CON ONE

    joe bidenUpon discovering that any destruction of Detroit would be redundant, terrorists have nevertheless found another soft target: Joe Biden's tongue. According to the U.S. Secret Service,  a U-Haul truck loaded with equipment for a Labor Day event featuring Vice President Joe Biden was stolen in Detroit yesterday.

    If the stolen equipment, likely including a teleprompter, were intended for the president's use, this attack would merely render the Commander in Chief mute. As it is, Biden has no plans to change his speaking schedule…

    "A U-Haul that we were utilizing was stolen at the Westin Hotel overnight," [Secret Service spokesman] Ed Donovan told CNN.

    Donovan would not specify what equipment was in the U-Haul at the time it was stolen, and added that the theft shouldn't affect the vice president's plans on Monday.

    Biden unleashed without any prompting! Haven't the people of Michigan suffered enough?

    Photo by Ng Han Guan/AFP/Getty Images


    Tags: Detroit, Joe Biden, Michigan
  • Mitt Romney Opposed, Supported and Invented the Auto Bailout

    Mitt RomneyIn an oft-cited February 2012 opinion piece in the Detroit News, Romney called Barack Obama's decision to lend billions to Chrysler and General Motors an example of "crony capitalism on a grand scale" and wrote, unequivocally, "I believe that without [Obama's] intervention things there would be better."

    This consistent critique of the Obama administration turned problematic once it became clear that hundreds of thousands of jobs had been saved by the bailout, but lest anyone fret, Romney adviser Eric Fehrnstrom has a solution.  Although the Romney campaign may not be fully committed to automobile manufacturing, at least they've created a whole bunch of jobs at the Etch-A-Sketch factory

    One of Mitt Romney's top advisers said Saturday that President Obama's decision to bailout Chrysler and General Motors was actually Romney's idea.

    "[Romney's] position on the bailout was exactly what President Obama followed. I know it infuriates them to hear that," Eric Fehrnstrom, senior adviser to the Romney campaign, said.

    "The only economic success that President Obama has had is because he followed Mitt Romney's advice."

    Given Romney's passion for firing people, it's amazing Fehrnstrom is still a senior adviser. Apparently the only thing Romney won't shake-up is his campaign staff.

    As for the claim of intellectual paternity, at least Al Gore's invention of the Internet paved the way for LOLcats and Chocolate Rain. Romney "invented" a complicated financial restructuring that consolidated dealerships, re-opened collective bargaining agreements and swapped bondholder stakes for shareholder equity. Mitt Romney: the boring man's Al Gore.

    Photo by Jessica Kourkounis/Getty Images News/Getty Images


    Tags: Auto Industry, Barack Obama, Detroit, Mitt Romney, Republicans
  • Mitt Romney Doubles Down on "Let Detroit Go Bankrupt"

    Back in 2008, Mitt Romney wrote an op-ed for the New York Times titled "Let Detroit Go Bankrupt." It's now 2012, and it seems like the one thing he hasn't flip-flopped on is how much he wants Detroit to go bankrupt. Here's a quote from Romney's new op-ed for The Detroit News

    I love cars, American cars. I was born in Detroit, the son of an auto chief executive. In 1954, my dad, George Romney, was tapped to run American Motors when its president suddenly died.

    Oops, sorry, that's a quote from his New York Times op-ed piece. Here's The Detroit News quote…

    I am a son of Detroit… Cars got in my bones early. And not just any cars, American cars.

    When the president of American Motors died suddenly in 1954, my dad, George Romney, was asked to take his place.

    This is The Hangover II of op-ed pieces: same thing, different setting. The rest of it just revamps the points made in 2008 to fit in a post-Obama-saved-the-auto-industry world. Mitt Romney still thinks Obama did more bad than good by bailing out Chrysler and General Motors, but he also wants people in Michigan to vote for him.

    Fortunately for him, as the son of a Michigan governor, he should have no problem in that state. I mean, who are they going to vote for? Rick Santorum? Wait, he's gaining ground there?

    Damn. Now I kind of want Detroit to go bankrupt, too.

    Photo by Bryan Mitchelll/Getty Images News/Getty Images


    Tags: Auto Industry, Detroit, Mitt Romney, New York Times, Rick Santorum
  • Spike's Top 10 Misbehaving Mayors

    marion barryI always thought Mayor McCheese was the worst mayor in the country. He's completely beholden to a corporation and has been letting the Hamburglar terrorize the streets of McDonaldland for years.

    But has he even gotten so drunk that he broke a breathalizer machine? Nope. Has he ever flashed his tits to a crowded bar? Again, as far as I know, no.

    So it would seem there are a handful of other mayors out there who blow the competition out of the water when it comes to sleaze, corruption and general bad decisions. There are ten of them to be exact, and they comprise Spike's list of the Top Ten Misbehaving Mayors.


    Tags: Antonio Villaraigosa, Detroit, Kwame Kilpatrick, Los Angeles, Marion Barry, Spike, Washington DC
  • General Motors Vrooms Out of Bankruptcy, Considers a New Paint Job

    gm-greenProving it could go from -10,000 to 25 mph in under two months, General Motors has officially stopped being bankrupt. Hurrah! The trouble is over!

    “It’s just beginning. It’s nowhere near over,” said Keith Crain, the publisher and editorial director of Automotive News, an industry trade publication. Speaking on WJR-AM in Detroit, Mr. Crain said, “They’re going to need hard work, a lot of smarts, and they’re going to need good luck.”

    Hey, you know what's lucky? Four-leaf clovers. And you know what color four-leaf clovers are?

    Almost immediately, GM will try to show how it's a different company, perhaps by changing its familiar square logo from blue to green, to reflect its environmental focus.

    "I think that as a corporate identity the color change could well be a smart move," said Tony Spaeth, president of Tony Spaeth/Identity, a Rye, N.Y., firm that helps companies craft identities. "It lends a little bit more reality and sincerity of intention to 'We want to change the way we do things.'"

    It sure does. It also reflects the seasick feeling they'll have when they realize that a 28% drop in new car sales is considered better than bad news these days.


    Tags: Auto Industry, Detroit, Economy