Latest Posts

Dick Cheney
  • Dick Cheney and Liz Cheney Disagree About Sarah Palin's Greatness

    Dick Cheney knows a thing or two about the responsibilities of a U.S. Vice President. First of all, he or she has to set a tone for the administration. Is this going to be a semi-transparent engine of national growth and heath or will it be a draconian death grinder of American populist ideals? Tough call; better get the VP on the horn. Then, it is up to the V.P. to make all of the important administrative decisions, answer all of the President's email, place padding on all the sharp corners in the White House and pay strict attention to the President's nap time.

    Unfortunately, John McCain's pick for years ago just wasn't up to the task in his estimation

    "That one," Cheney said, "I don't think was well handled… I like Governor Palin. I've met her. I know her. She – attractive candidate. But based on her background, she'd only been governor for, what, two years. I don't think she passed that test… of being ready to take over. And I think that was a mistake."

    Interestingly, Cheney's daughter Liz — whom he has been grooming for years to take over his place at the head of the High Council of Deatheaters — is not in agreement…

    Also, she's stronger than Superman, smarter than the gigantic brain that lives at the center of the Earth and more World's Greatest-y than R. Kelly. I could go on, but I wouldn't want to be accused of hyperbole.

    Photo by Paul Morigi/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images

    Tags: Dick Cheney, Liz Cheney, Sarah Palin, Veepstakes
  • Dick Cheney Lends His Charisma to the Romney Campaign

    The Romney strategists have been faced with a problem. Sure, their candidate is uniquely suited to pull in tons of fundraising money — and I mean that literally; his campaign currently has "$160 million cash on hand," which would weigh 1.2 tons in $100 bills — but he's kind of iffy on pretty much everything else. He lacks the commonality with humanity needed to identify a doughnut on sight, invented Obamacare and has a political record just to the left of Dennis Kucinich.

    So, how do you boost a candidate's street cred with conservatives while simultaneously making him seem slightly more human? Well, I suppose this is one option

    Former Vice President Dick Cheney is using his popularity with Republican conservatives to give a boost to Mitt Romney, hosting a fundraiser for the party's likely nominee at a mountain valley resort as well as a private dinner at his Wyoming home…

    Romney doesn't have a close relationship with the former vice president, a veteran of five Republican presidential administrations and a huge draw for GOP donors. While Romney speaks regularly with former President George H.W. Bush, he seldom refers by name to the most recent Bush to occupy the White House. On occasion he goes out of his way not to say Bush's name out loud and simply calls him "the predecessor" to Obama.

    Smart move, I think, going with Cheney over that smoke and fire Balrog monster from the first Lord of the Rings movie. What he lacks in heart and relatability, he more than makes up for hard-nosed conservative ideals.

    Plus, the former VP is a great example of how a strong politician can get anything he wants through Congress. That monster couldn't pass anything.

    Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: Dick Cheney, Mitt Romney, Money
  • The Daily Show on Media Coverage of Trayvon Martin's Death

    It's comforting to know that there is no story today so grave that our trusted Fourth Branch of Government cannot turn into a circus. I guess that probably explains all the clowns.

    To view this movie you need the Adobe Flash Player plugin. You also need JavaScript enabled in your browser.

    Coverage continues with John Oliver and Wyatt Cenac after the jump.

    The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11/10c.

    Read More »

    Tags: CNN, Crime, Dick Cheney, Fashion, Florida, Fox News, George Zimmerman, Geraldo Rivera, Health, John Oliver, Jon Stewart, Judiciary, MSNBC, Racism, The Daily Show, Trayvon Martin, Wyatt Cenac
  • Osama bin Laden Sought to Cripple U.S. with Joe Biden Presidency

    Joe Biden is truly the Rodney Dangerfield of American politics: He just doesn't get any respect. Not only is he a target for late-night jokes, he was also the lynchpin in a terrorist plot to tear down the Great Satan by installing a buffoon as its president

    "The reason for concentrating on [President Obama and Gen. David H. Petraeus],” the al-Qaeda leader explained to his top lieutenant, "is that Obama is the head of infidelity and killing him automatically will make [Vice President] Biden take over the presidency…

    "Biden is totally unprepared for that post, which will lead the U.S. into a crisis. As for Petraeus, he is the man of the hour… and killing him would alter the war’s path” in Afghanistan.

    Had we known what the terrorist mastermind was planning, we could have saved him some gloating time by mentioning that The Onion is not an actual news source.

    Sure, Joe Biden suffers from a crippling case of Gaffitis, but he's still a seasoned politician with decades of knowledge about how Washington D.C. works. It's dubious that Biden could single-handedly throw his bitchin' Camaro in reverse and devolve this country back down "The Road We've Traveled."

    Americans are a lot more resilient that bin Laden thought. After all, we survived eight years with the fear of a President Cheney looming above our heads.

    Photo by Win McNamee/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: Dick Cheney, George Bush, Joe Biden, Osama bin Laden
  • Dick Cheney Says Canada Too Dangerous to Visit

    Ever since Canadian Bacon warned me of the syrup-soaked menace to the north, I've been properly skeptical of Canada's image as a friendly and peaceful locale. The second largest country in the world, with 90% of its citizens massed along the longest undefended border in the world, presumably just waiting to strike, there's obviously a dark side to the land of Mounties, politeness and universal healthcare.

    Unfortunately, few American officials have seen through the  facade, with Barack Obama choosing Canada as his first international destination as president. But one man's heart ventricular assist device knows the score

    Former U.S. vice-president Dick Cheney has cancelled an April appearance in Toronto citing concerns Canada is too dangerous.

    "He felt that in Canada the risk of violent protest was simply too high," said Ryan Ruppert, president of promotions company Spectre Live Corp., which had booked Mr. Cheney for an April 24 appearance at the Metro Toronto Convention Centre…

    "God forbid there was ever an emergency," said Ruppert, noting Cheney's history of heart problems.

    It's not the first time Cheney has been afraid to go to a foreign land. Though unlike Vietnam, I don't think he'll have trouble finding volunteers to take his place.


    Related: Impending Apocalypse Update: Dick Cheney Lobbying for Gay Marriage

    Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: Bush Administration, Canada, Dick Cheney, Health, Protesters