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Dick Morris
  • Tweet Untweet: A Roving Circus

    Tags: Dick Morris, Fox News, Karl Rove, Tweet Untweet, Twitter
  • Dick Morris on Being the Wrongest Person Ever

    No matter what you were predicting would happen last night, you can take heart in knowing that you weren't as wrong as Fox News pundit Dick Morris. Because that's not scientifically possible

    "I've got egg on my face. I predicted a Romney landslide and, instead, we ended up with an Obama squeaker. The key reason for my bum prediction is that I mistakenly believed that the 2008 surge in black, Latino, and young voter turnout would recede in 2012 to "normal" levels. Didn't happen. These high levels of minority and young voter participation are here to stay. And, with them, a permanent reshaping of our nation's politics."

    Oh, well, there's your problem right there, Dick Morris. You have Backwards Understanding of Things Syndrome. Notice how you think that Romney winning with 325 electoral votes is a "landslide" and Obama winning with 332 electoral votes is a "squeaker"? I'm not moron (which, I'm assuming is what you think the word "expert" means.), but that's kind of an easy diagnosis.

    I'm sorry, but I'm afraid that this syndrome is chronic. There's really nothing to do but spend the rest of your life working for Fox News.

    Photo by Win McNamee/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: Dick Morris, Fox News, Polls
  • Who Won Last Night's Debate?

    Alright, so, we all watched last night's debate. Or, at any rate, read a bunch of Facebook posts about it and have cobbled together some idea of what happened based upon jokes about binders. I'm sure we all have opinions about about how our candidate did, but now that the dust has settled and the spin rooms have come to ground to a halt, we have to ask ourselves: Who won?

    Let's look at CBS's poll of miraculously-undecided voters…

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    Tags: Barack Obama, Debates, Dick Morris, Fox News, Mitt Romney, Polls
  • The Black Helicopters Are Coming for Paul Ryan's Abs

    From last week's positive jobs report to today's Labor Department release announcing that initial claims for unemployment benefits decline to 339,000 — the lowest level since early 2008 — the economy has shown steady signs of improvement. This week's op-ed pages provide an explanation. Our consumer spending is now driven entirely by conservatives buying 1) conspiracy theories, 2) glamour shots of Paul Ryan.

    For proof, consider the three best opinion pieces published this week…

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    Tags: Dick Morris, Jack Welch, Media, Wall Street Journal, WorldNetDaily
  • Rush Limbaugh Explains the Liberal Polling Conspiracy

    Look, everybody knows that all the lamestream polling this year is flat out wrong. It's an open secret. As Fox News pundit Dick Morris said — right around the time he convincingly argued that Mitt Romney was currently favored to win the country by 4 or 5 points and take Pennsylvania — "The polling this year is the worst it’s ever been."

    But why? Why is it so bad? Why would the vast majority of these statistician be willing to pervert the science they hold so dear, to endanger their livelihoods and their professional reputations like this?

    Rush Limbaugh knows why, and he's not afraid to share

    "The purpose of the people right now, most of them doing these polls, they're trying to make news, not reflect it, they're advancing an agenda. They're all Democrats. They're all liberals. They just have different jobs. The polls are the replacement refs. They see certain things. They don't see other things. They don't call certain things, and other things go by.

    "In this case, what they're trying to do is exactly what they've done in your case: frustrate you, make you pull your hair out, say, what the hell's happening to the country? They want you thinking the country's lost. They want you thinking your side's lost. They want you thinking it's over for what you believe. And that makes you stay home and not vote. That's what they're hoping. That's why you have to fight it every day…"

    Oh! A vast conspiracy of mathematicians! It's so obvious! How did I not think of this myself? Ugh, I could just kick myself in the head.

    You know, what probably happened was that all these math guys saw how much fun their friends down the hall in the biology department were having convincing the world that humanity is descended from ape-like ancestors and was not molded by God's very hand from the dust of the ground (as it so obviously was!), that they decided do something similar.

    I hope you're having fun ruining the country for your own personal enjoyment, statisticians! I hope the nationwide doom isn't too large a price to pay.


    Related: Rush Limbaugh Blames Feminists For His Tiny Penis

    Photo by Mark Wilson/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: Conspiracies, Dick Morris, Fox News, Mitt Romney, Polls, Rush Limbaugh, Science & Technology