Quote Unquote: The Romney Landslide

Fox News talking head Dick Morris makes his electoral predictions on Hannity…

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"I believe that if the election were held today, Romney would win by four or five points. I believe he would carry Florida, Ohio, Virginia. I believe he would carry Nevada. I believe he would carry Pennsylvania."

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Look, for all I know, this is Dick Morris' attempt at satire. Frankly, I don't know which absurd statements to believe anymore.

But I do know this: If I were Dick Morris, I would get my ass over to Intrade pronto, because there is a killing to be made.

Tags: Dick Morris, Fox News, Mitt Romney, Quote Unquote

Jon Stewart on the Impending Government Shutdown/End of Days

Little know fact about this government shutdown people keep talking about: If the government is forced to close itself, everybody has to leave the country until Congress opens it back up again. Doesn't matter whether you file up into Canada or wait on the other side of the Mexican border wall. Or even if you just wanna wade into the Atlantic or Pacific. You just gotta go.

Oh, and don't bother hiding under your desk or in the tool shed. They'll find you. They always find you…

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11/10c.

Tags: Anthony Weiner, Chuck Schumer, Constitution, Democrats, Dick Morris, Eric Cantor, House of Representatives, Jon Stewart, Louie Gohmert, Michele Bachmann, Money, Paul Ryan, Senate, Tea Party, The Daily Show, Video

Jon Stewart Ties Rupert Murdoch to Terrorism

On last night's Daily Show, in response to flimsy attempts by the Fox News gang to link the Imam behind the so-called Ground Zero Mosque to terrorism, Jon Stewart used the same tactics to connect Rupert Murdoch to Osama bin Laden. Meanwhile, bin Laden was in Fahrenheit 9/11 with Michael Moore, who was in Canadian Bacon with John Candy, who was in JFK with Kevin Bacon!

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

Tags: 9/11, Dick Morris, Fox, Islam, Jon Stewart, Laura Ingraham, New York City, NRA, Osama bin Laden, Rudy Giuliani, Rupert Murdoch, Steve Doocy, The Daily Show, Video

Jon Stewart Plays Six Degrees of George W. Bush

The Fox News crowd is predictably appalled that anyone would pass some blame for the Gulf oil spill onto George W. Bush. But as Jon Stewart pointed out on last night's Daily Show, they were more than glad to fault Bill Clinton anytime something went awry during the Bush administration. Of course, blaming Bush and blaming Clinton are both incredibly unfair. Because all this stuff, from 9/11 to Katrina to both recessions, is obviously William Henry Harrison's fault.

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

Tags: 9/11, Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, Dick Morris, Economy, Energy & Oil, Fox, George W. Bush, Gulf Coast, Jon Stewart, Laura Ingraham, Recession, Rudy Giuliani, Sean Hannity, Steve Doocy, The Daily Show, Video, William Henry Harrison

The Daily Show on the Tea Party Foxpublicans' Health Care Protests

I'm starting to have mixed feelings about the anti-health-care-reform movement. On the one hand, if the Teabaggers are right, the health care bill will tear apart the very fabric of our freedom, throwing able-bodied citizens into forced labor camps and euthanizing everyone over 40. On the other hand, I've always wondered what soylent green tastes like.

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

Tags: Dick Morris, Fox, Health Care, John Oliver, Jon Stewart, Michele Bachmann, Mike Huckabee, Nancy Pelosi, Steve King, Tea Party, The Daily Show, Video