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Congress Approves Oil Drilling to Improve Sex Lives of Caribou
Yesterday, in a 237-187 vote, the House of Representatives approved approved a chiefly Republican-backed plan to authorize the Keystone XL pipeline, expand drilling offshore and open the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge to exploration.
The "idea" is that drilling will reduce the price of gas and heating oil for American consumers. However, because I love Indecision readers, I made the above graph using data from the U.S. Energy Information Administration to illustrate why this stupidity can't possibly be the underlying motivation for this legislation. The graph tracks vehicle gasoline prices (taxes included) across several countries and lo and behold, spikes and declines happen at the same time, at roughly the same magnitude, in every surveyed nation. Almost as if there's some underlying factor, independent of each country's policy that determines price changes: the global price of sweet, beautiful crude.
Since the price of oil is set on global commodity markets, increasing the supply of Alaskan crude will impact prices in France as much as it will in the United States. And do we really want to despoil the American environment in order to lower French energy prices, when their country is already so efficiently powered by condescension and loathing (not to mention nuclear fission)? No, we do not.
So why are we doing this? Possibly, because there once was a man from Alaska/his colleagues wanted to shut him up faster…
Tags: Alaska, Animals, Conservatives, Don Young, Energy & Oil, Environment, House of Representatives, Louie Gohmert, Poetry, Republicans -
Quote Unquote: Don Young's Plan for America
Alaska Rep. Don Young explains the subtleties of his soon-to-be-introduced suggested legislation for healing America's economic ills…
“My bill is very simple, I just null and void any regulations passed in the last twenty years.”
Whoa, whoa, whoa there, Aristotle. Cool it with the fancy political science speak. Can't we figure out a way to make that idea a little more accessible to the plebs out there? How about something like, "Erase everything from Clinton on"?
I don't know. Still a little eggheady.
(via Brooklyn Mutt)
Tags: Alaska, Don Young, Environment, House of Representatives, Quote Unquote -
Alaskan Congressman Don Young Gets Off Way Too Easily
Lost in the frenzy of news coming out of Alaska — namely that Ted Stevens lost and Sarah Palin is getting a better agent than Joe the Plumber– was the confirmation that the state's lone Congressman, Don Young (R), will be back for a 19th term…The winner of the race for Alaska's sole House seat wasn't really in doubt after Election Day, when longtime incumbent Rep. Don Young led Democratic challenger Ethan Berkowitz by more than 16,000 votes.
It still took Berkowitz until Tuesday afternoon, with the counting of nearly all the outstanding ballots, to concede defeat to Republican Young…
Pollsters had counted Young out but they were wrong.
Wonder why those pollsters were so down on Don Young?
Could it have anything to do with the fact that…
* He's raised/spent over $1 million in legal fees amid charges that he's tied up with the same oil company that Ted Stevens has been feloniously porking.
* He used his jurisdiction as Alaska Congressman to steer $10 million to a fundraiser's construction project in Florida.
* If he were any more tied to Jack Abramoff, he'd own an Indian casino.
* Even the Club for Growth campaigned against him.
* He swung a walrus penis bone at the former U.S. Fish and Wildlife director.
* His wife is a tyrannical, computer-hating, pumpkin seed-devouring bitch.
The list goes on, but I should probably let the FBI conclude their investigation against Young before commenting any further.
Needless to say, if the G-Men decide to proceed with an arrest, they won't have a hard time finding Young.
Whether they come searching tomorrow, next year or in 2022, he'll be in his Capitol Hill office — right where the people of Alaska want him.
Tags: Alaska, Don Young, FBI, House of Representatives, Jack Abramoff, Sarah Palin, Ted Stevens -
Ok, Alaska. I'm Officially Piling On
2/3 of your congressional delegation is going to prison. And you re-elected them.
This plus Palin really makes me want to come visit and meet the fuck out of every single one of you guys. In fact, I've got your new tourism slogan all worked out:
Alaska: What in the Hell Goes On Up There?
Is that Ted Stevens International Airport I hear buzzing?
Tags: Alaska, Don Young, Election Day, Sarah Palin, Ted Stevens -
Ted Stevens and Don Young Still Somehow Lead In Alaska
You'd think that being tied to convicted felon lobbyists would be political suicide in today's climate. And you'd certainly think that being a convicted felon yourself would be even worse. But in Alaska, there may be one sin that trumps both of those…Being a Democrat.
What we're getting at is that somehow GOP Rep. Don Young (he of the Jack Abramoff affiliations) and Sen. Ted Stevens (he of the seven felony convictions) continue to lead in election returns as we approach 5 a.m. in the East.
What's wrong with Democrats, Alaska? Was the last one you sent to Washington such a disaster that you're now morally opposed to ever doing it again? Honestly, how bad could it have been under that last Democrat, who was… let's see here…
Mike Gravel???
Alright, maybe you have a point there, Alaska.
Tags: Alaska, Don Young, Mike Gravel, Ted Stevens
