Well, we now know that Barack Obama really isn't a secret Muslim. No adherent of the Koran could vote for a bailout package that contained more pork than a Hormel rendering plant.
Yet, that's exactly what Obama — and John McCain, along with leadership in both Houses of Congress — did last week.
Of course, Obama wasn't the one who loaded up the bill with earmarks. That task fell to statesmen such as…
* Rep. Peter DeFazio (D-OR), who seeks a tax break for arrow manufacturers in his home district.
* Rep. Don Young (R-AK), who as House porker-in-chief, seeks a tax break for the perpetrators in the Exxon Valdez oil spill.
* An anonymous sponsor, who seeks tax write-offs for the owners of NASCAR racetracks.
Thankfully, these provisions and many others made it in to the bill, which is why our financial institutions survived the weekend and why we aren't all speaking Mandarin, Russian or Arabic right now.
Time to celebrate with some ribs and bacon.
Tags: Barack Obama, Don Young, Economy, House of Representatives, John McCain, Peter DeFazio, Senate
Any prude who insists that phone sex has no place in representative government has obviously never tried calling Charlie Summers, a Republican running for Congress in Maine…
Callers looking for a Maine congressional candidate's campaign office are instead directed to a phone sex line, thanks to a phone book mistake.
The latest Talking Phonebook for the Portland area lists a toll-free number for Republican 1st District candidate Charlie Summers' campaign office in Saco.
But when people call the number, they are greeted by a woman's voice inviting them to call another toll-free number, which turns out to be a phone sex line.
Summers claims this was a giant misunderstanding, but he'll change his tune when he gets to Congress and learns that whoring over the phone is basically his job.
Just ask Rep. Don Young (R-AK), who published an "intern survival guide" that was little more than a list of lobbyists who have full phone access to Young. They call in, pony up some cash, and Young porks them in return.
Sound like fun, Charlie Summers? I give him a month in Congress before he starts longing for the days of plain, old-fashioned phone sex.
Tags: Alaska, Don Young, House of Representatives, Maine
Which Maverick VP Candidate Has Been Shilling For Indicted Sen. Ted Stevens? (Hint: It's Not Joe Biden)
Alaska Governor Sarah Palin has only been on the national scene for 5 days, but it’s already clear that she's a Maverick with a capital M. We've learned that she launched an ethics probe against the state GOP chairman and backed her Lieutenant Governor in his race against notoriously corrupt Rep. Don Young. Clearly we’re dealing with an independent mind.
And while we're at it, why did her website feature a video of Stevens endorsing her up through last week?
Could it be because she’d been hitting up Stevens and his Senate Appropriations Committee for $27 million worth of federal pork projects for her hometown of Wasilla, population 8.471? Or because she’s now asking Stevens for another $197.8 million in federal earmarks in next year's federal budget?
Or maybe it’s just that, as a fellow Alaska Republican, it’s Palin’s duty to stand tall with Stevens as he awaits trial. But historical precedent suggests otherwise…
You didn't see ex-Louisiana Gov. Kathleen Blanco defending fellow Democrat William Jefferson when the latter was found to be hoarding $90,000 worth of bribe money in a freezer. And unless we missed it, Idaho Governor C.L. "Butch" Otter certainly hasn’t been performing restroom blowjobs to show solidarity with Sen. Larry Craig.
But I guess ignoring precedents is what made Palin a Maverick to being with.
Tags: Butch Otter, Don Young, Idaho, Joe Biden, Larry Craig, Louisiana, RNC, Sarah Palin, Ted Stevens, William Jefferson
Alaska Senator Ted Stevens and Representative Don Young have combined to serve nearly 75 years in Congress. They've endured eight presidential administrations, flashed tempers worthy of… well, John McCain, and appropriated untold millions in pork projects to their home state.
But all that could be coming to an end on Tuesday…
The two men who once were considered unbeatable now face bruising fights in Tuesday's primary election that could put their once solidly Republican congressional seats up for grabs. Both have been caught up in a long-running federal investigation that has already seen three GOP state lawmakers, the former governor's chief of staff and three others convicted on corruption charges.
Of the two porkers, Young stands the greater chance of losing his primary on Tuesday. His opponent, Lt. Governor Sean Parnell, has been endorsed by Gov. Sarah Palin, and even national conservative groups have lined up to rip Young on TV.
Young, with his trademark grace, has embraced Parnell's candidacy ever since the Republican state convention in March…
"Sean, congratulations. I beat your dad and I'm going to beat you," Young said, referring to the 1980 race in which he trounced Pat Parnell, who ran as a Democrat.
Music to the ears of Democrat Ethan Berkowitz, who gets to take on the winner.
Tags: Alaska, Don Young, House of Representatives, Senate, Ted Stevens
Join former United States Senate Pages Dylan and Ethan Ris as they bring you the dish on not just the presidential race but all the exciting triumphs and disgraces inside, outside, and below the Beltway!
Calling Collect! As you've read in this space before, Congressman Don Young (R-AK) has never let integrity or his constituents stand between him and his beloved lobbyists. And now the man dubbed "Mr. Pork" by Rolling Stone has the papers to prove it, following the leak of his "Survival Guide" for interns at his Washington office.
The Guide lists an "A-Team" of nine persons who are permitted to "talk to whomever they want" when they phone Young's office. And all nine of them are — can you guess? — lobbyists! That's right, we're talking folks like Rick Alcalde, who lobbies on behalf of Daniel Aronoff — the real estate developer for whom the Alaska Congressman earmarked $10 million in his adopted home district of Southwest Florida! And Randy DeLay, whose brother Tom was a noted Texas roach exterminator (as well as a former House Majority Leader)!
Once "The A-Team" is satiated, phone priorities go to other members of Congress and government officials. Riding the caboose are Young's actual Alaskan constituents. Notably omitted from the list is U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service Director Mollie Beattie, who apparently has stopped calling since Young swung an 18-inch walrus penis bone at her.
Besides phone guidelines, the "Survival Guide" details the various demands of that will be placed on Young's interns, primarily by the Congressman's tyrant of a wife, Lula. Among other things, notes the Guide, "Mrs. Y… does not permit noise from computers" and "wants pumpkin seeds when she says sunflower seeds." Sounds like she must be the life of the party at Young's illegal golf fundraisers!
So how does the release of this "Survival Guide" affect you, gentle reader? Well, if you're bored right now, why not drop what you're doing and give Young a call on his office line — (202) 225-5765. If you want "to talk to whomever you want," just identify yourself as a lobbyist and explain you're calling in a rush delivery for a heaping order of pork!
Tags: Congressional Confidential, Don Young