Tuesday's Links: Jimmy Kimmel's Sequester Stories

* Jimmy Kimmel proves how good Americans are at BS.

* The international language of overseas investing is guilt.

* Celebrate Passover by putting the ten plagues on your fingernails.

* Alison Brie makes awful news stories feel like a ray of sunshine.

* "Goofball diplomacy"? I thought we already tried that with Hillary Clinton's dancing.

* Here's a handy list of signs the economy still sucks (aside from your wallet).

* President Obama, I'm going to Vulcan mind meld you into listening to Leonard Nimoy on NPR.

Tags: Alison Brie, Barack Obama, Daily Links, Dennis Rodman, Economy, Hillary Clinton, Kim, Leonard Nimoy, North Korea, NPR, Passover, Poland, Star Trek, Women's Rights

Tweet Untweet: How Will The Dow Jones Change Your Life?

The Dow Jones has hit a record high! We're all gonna be RICH!** not applicable to people who aren't already rich

— Rex Huppke (@RexHuppke) March 5, 2013

Tags: Dow Jones, Economy, Tweet Untweet, Twitter

Tweet Untweet: Souvenirs of the Sequester

I SURVIVED THE SEQUESTER AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY 2ND RECESSION.

— Warren Holstein (@WarrenHolstein) March 1, 2013

Tags: Economy, Recession, Sequester, Tweet Untweet, Twitter

Pat Robertson Solves the Sequester

Forget using "Jedi mind-melds" to resolve the sequester. Pat Robertson has a better idea:

God is going to supply a million dollars, somebody is praying right now, right this second, you’re praying for a million dollars and God said, 'I have heard your prayer, I know your need, and I'm going to supply the need that you requested,' it's done, in Jesus' name.

Sure, Robertson was talking about his viewers, who may have already won one million dollars in the Pearly Gates Publishers Sweepstakes, but there's no reason we can't adopt this strategy to fix our deficits.

We just need the Treasury Department to hire some hedge fund managers. God sure seems to love answering their prayers.

Photo by Mario Tama/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Tags: Economy, Money, Pat Robertson, Religion, Sequester

Our Private Sectors Are Shrinking, According to Fox Nation

U.S. GDP shrank for the first time since 2009 during the fourth quarter of 2012, clocking in at negative 0.1 percent.

Most of the decline can attributed to decreases in national defense expenditures, which fell 22.2 percent, even as investment by the private sector increased and real disposable personal income rose by 6.8 percent.

And there's another bit of good news: thanks to Fox Nation, the production of nonsensical dick jokes rose 100% in the first quarter of 2013.

Tags: Economy, Fox News